. . . after fourteen people were stabbed today at a Texas Community College. All knives should be registered with the government; everyone should undergo a background check before being allowed to purchase dinnerware; all knives now on the market should be dulled and their sharp edges made square; all boy scouts known to possess pen knives should be immediately disarmed and placed on psychotropic drugs to calm them down; trained police armed with hunting knives should be stationed in every public school; and no one should be allowed to own more than eight knives of any kind. I welcome further suggestions. It’s for the children.
I don’t see how anyone could object to these proposals. To paraphrase President Obama from his speech in Connecticut today: “We need to do everything we can to reduce the likelihood that our children will be stabbed to death in the streets.”
UPDATE: David S. writes that “Rambo or Bowie knives will/[should] only be in the hands of our military and police.” Zee Z. writes that “Any [knife] pack with more than 30 throwing knives should be banned” and “Scary looking ‘tactical’ knives should be banned.” “The number of serrations should be tightly regulated” suggests Christian C.
As always, the British have been rushing at a much faster pace than Americans into the abyss of societal insanity as their doctors have already recommended banning ordinary kitchen knives, writes Joe L.
2:06 pm on April 9, 2013
