Imbeciles of the World, Unite!

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Ilana Mercer sent me a hilarious letter by one Richard Burnett ( in response to her May 28 WorldNetDaily column, “Pundits, Heal Thyselves,” that I thought I’d share (with permission) for laughs.

A theme of Ilana’s column is that the “neoconservative talking twits,” as she calls them — Thomas Friedman, Christopher Hitchens, George Will, Tucker Carlson, Charles Krauthhammer, Bill Kristol, Max Boot, John Podhoretz, Andrew Sullivan, and others — all crusaded for this war in Iraq and promised that our soldiers would be greeted “with blooms and bonbons.” But now that they’ve been proven unequivically wrong, they’re still treated like philosoher kings in the media.

Mr. Burnett seems like your typical FreeRepublic type — not very well educated, has a little trouble with spelling, but is ABSOLUTELY DEVOTED to whatever cause the Republican Party champions, no questions asked, ever. “If you are the next Ayn Rand,” he writes Ilana, “then you should be familiar with what happend to the real one, that she was read out of the conservative movement by William F. Buckley, Jr. . . . ” (Mr. Burnett is apparently unaware of the Library of Congress survey of American readers who were asked which book influenced their lives the most, and Ayn Rand’s novels came in second behind The Bible. No mention was made of any of Buckley’s silly, amateurish novels or his tabloid). Ilana points out that Pat Buchanan and Lew Rockwell have been right about the war all along, but are largely ignored by the “mainstream media.” The brilliant Mr. Burnett provides an explanation for this: “You are the twits.”

Ilana “and many others” may think of “us” as “evil, statists, socialists, etc.” says Mr. Burnett, which is certainly true. No argument there. But, well, you people who don’t believe that the Iraqis really love having us occupying their country, and who doubt that that parade of flowers and bonbons will eventually come, are just “anarchists” and “unthinking utopians.” “Not to mention evil as well.” To our kneejerk neocon, the flowers and bonbon promisers are the realists, and those who doubted such an outcome (and were of course right) are the utopian dreamers. Now there’s a fine example of “Straussian analysis” for you.

Of course, no collection of moronic neocon quotes would be complete without a reference to Lincoln. Mr. Burnett says “the little people” will never agree with “the thinking of the Rockwell’s Mercer’s or Buchanan’s (incorrectly placed apostrophes in the original) because God “made so many of them,” as Honest Abe supposedly said. Unfortunately for our kneejerk neocon, this is one of the hundreds of Lincolnian words of wisdom that have been proven to be fakes.

6:09 pm on June 1, 2004