I love Fred Reed

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Fred’s column today reminded me of an email exchange I once had with a moderately famous conservative.

I wrote here on the blog about how Paleocons and other state-loving nationalists vilify foreign countries to bolster their own fantasies about how every country but America is virtually unlivable.

The conservative in question responded by saying:

“Fred might be having a good time. But if his car is stolen, his house broken into, his business taken over by a corrupt mayor or taxed by a local gang, he will be helpless.”

It’s hard to even read that with a straight face. The suggestion that the police here would be any help in the case of stolen property or breaking and entering is risible. If your property is ever swiped in this country, you can kiss it good-bye short of divine intervention. Anyone who’s worked with local business leaders or a chamber of commerce knows that the police do absolutely NOTHING about stolen property.  The police freely state as much. Indeed, the only reason one would ever call the cops about stolen property is for insurance purposes.

And then, calling the police is always risky business since they may show up, get uppity and then Tase you to death. But hey, in Conservative Land, the police are heroic public servants, so all those stories posted here daily by Will Grigg about police abuse are just something Will made up.

And in America, local government officials never harass and abuse people they don’t like.

Ah, if only I could inhabit the world that conservatives live in where the police catch the bad guys and the dusky races south of the border are kept in their place.

Oh, and then my conservative correspondent said “And I hope [Fred] stays sober.”

There’s some true intellectual discourse there. People who don’t like Mexico don’t have to listen to what Fred has to say because he’s a drunk!  Yes, this is the level of discourse that serious conservatives think compelling.

11:48 pm on August 4, 2009