I Hate Ron Paul

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Before the Paul campaign of 2012, I was a reasonably productive researcher and writer. Nowadays, that has all changed: I have become a Ron Paul junkie. I must, I simply must read everything written about him in the mainstream media. I am forever watching him on television. I just “wasted” almost half an hour watching him on the Jay Leno show. Of course, Ron was magnificent on that occasion. But that is the trouble with him. For addicts like me, this just makes it even the more difficult to carry out my ambitions with regard to reading, writing, and promoting libertarian theory and Austrian economics. Why, were it not for Ron Paul, I’d probably have written 5 more books and 100 more articles in scholarly refereed journals. These are my main goals as an academic, and I have slackened off, perilously, in fulfilling them. So, I hate Ron Paul. I wish he’d stop tweaking all those pompous noses. I wish he would stop proving wrong all those who kept, and keep, saying, “Congressman Paul can’t win.” I wish Ron Paul would leave me in the peaceful and quiet atmosphere I used to enjoy before his magnificent campaign to turn the entire world in the direction of freedom, personal liberty, peace, private property rights, and sound economics. Just who does he think he is, disturbing not only me, but also the powers that be? We were all doing just fine until Dr. Paul came on the scene, disquieting all of us. Can’t the man leave us all alone? Is that too much to ask? We were all happy, each of us in his own way, before he brought us all this intellectual, moral, and spiritual turmoil. I’m setting up a new Twelve Step program, modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous. It will be called Ron Paul Anonymous. We will be dedicated to not allowing him to ruin our lives by devoting practically all of our time to reading about him, watching him, donating to his money bombs, working tirelessly on his campaign. Our motto will be, of course, “We hate Ron Paul.” (Yes, yes, of course I’m speaking in jest here; I simply don’t know how else to express my appreciation for the Man from Texas.)

3:20 pm on December 18, 2011