The next Al Capone will be providing Chicago residents with burgers and fires cooked with trans fat oils, servred with a side of foie gras in a smoke-and-cell-phone friendly speakeasy.

And parents don’t even think about questioning the wisdom of the state when it comes to your child’s health, even when the state issues absurd recomendations such as giving girls as young as nine vaccines for sexually transmitted diseases–yes the government has actually recommended that 9 year olds be vaccinated for sexually transmitted diseases. Your child belongs to the state, and the state only allows you to raise your child as long as you do so according to our guidelines.