Gutsy Granny Stumps the TSA

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A reader who wished me to identify her by name and location until I talked her out of it offered this advice for Women of a Certain Age who must endure aviation’s gulag:

…I never go through the back scatter machine — and in [the airport closest to her home], there are no options, the regular metal detectors are always cordoned off when I go through. So I announce in a VERY LOUD VOICE, “NO LESBIANS!” when they call for a pat down.

This always causes a stir of indignation — to which I reply, also at the top of my voice, “I will not be felt up by a women who has sex with other women!! Call a supervisor… and not a bull dyke!”

The purpose of my inflammatory language is not a measure of my personal thoughts on sexuality but a common sense observation of who should be feeling up whom.

I always win. I have dismissed more than one candidate to finger me, each time cautioning the supervisor, “YOU DO NOT WANT TO PUSH THIS SUBJECT — IT’S A LOSER!!”

I don’t recommend this tactic for young, latino or black females, but a 65-yr-old white professional woman has been successful doing this for years. They always back down and give me a real woman.

This is an ongoing problem with TSA as the industry is bursting with lesbians. Regardless of your political beliefs, this is the Achilles heel of the airport pat down for women. A bit more controversy and we may have some movement by congress, at least indignant Republicans.

Gutsy Granny added in a second email:

 …I also go through the line baying like a sheep — “BAAAAAAAA BAAAAAAA” — as loud as I can. The goonies don’t like it, but there is nothing they can do. I also bleat when being felt up. When they ask me if I want a private screening, I say, “ABSOLUTELY NOT! I want EVERYONE to see this depravity.”

As one woman was feeling my body, I told her in no uncertain terms if I treated her any better than a cockroach I would be betraying everything I believe in. As far as I was concerned she was evil, and not worthy of a cockroach. And if today she decided she could no longer do this work because it was too demeaning or stressful, it would be a victory for the free world — and her soul. 

After the screening, she asked me if I would repeat what I said to her supervisor, a brutish looking World Wrestling Federation candidate complete with shaved head and tattoos. 

I said, “OF COURSE.” She called him over and I repeated word for word, what I told her and said it went double for him since he was obviously an ex cop or military. He was beside himself. I picked up my purse and said, “I think we’re done here,” and marched off. They did not try to stop me.

 Again, this is not recommended for all demographics. I believe white Grannies will have the most impact.

I’ve never been detained. And I push the limit with every flight.

You are never too old (or too young), too weak, or too vulnerable to fight for freedom. If more of the TSA’s victims scolded these perverts as courageously and consistently as Gutsy Granny does — a tradition hallowed since the founding generation shunned, vilified, and tarred and feathered friends and family who “worked” for the Crown — most deviants would return to salivating over Penthouse and peep-shows rather than preying on us at the airports. The TSA would suffer the same problem George III’s customs officers did in the 1770’s: mighty few recruits willing to brave their neighbors’ wrath by joining the dark side. (You can read more about these techniques in my novel, Halestorm, available in paperback or for Kindle. Buyers tell me Halestorm makes a fine Christmas present.)

Heck,  if we extended that policy and shunned every degenerate at all Leviathan’s agencies, the bureaucratic regime would disappear tomorrow. Then we could start on the politicians and finally, once we’d driven all of them back to their sewers, live free.

9:19 am on December 10, 2012