Gingrich To Sue Santa Claus

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Apparently Newt Gingrich expects to be nominated by acclamation, so he didn’t bother to meet the ballot requirements here in Virginia. “Santa said it was in the bag,” he grumbled in front of Tiffany’s on Christmas Eve. “As an historian, I know tortious interference when I see it. We’ll file suit on Tuesday, both here in Tiffany’s and at the North Pole.”

Gingrich plans to mount an “aggressive” write-in campaign in Virginia, and his strategy is indeed intimidating. “If we find that any Republican, or group of Republicans, refuse to vote for us, or actually vote for other candidates, we will subpoena them, make no mistake. Callista and I will not stand idly by if Virginia’s voters rob us of our birthright.”

The only two candidates who took the time and effort to qualify for Virginia’s Republican presidential primary are Mitt Romney and Ron Paul.

6:03 pm on December 24, 2011