Gimme Whatever He’s Smokin’

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Seems John “The Pervert” Pistole, Chief Deviant at the TSA, is tripping on LSD. How else to explain his bizarre hallucinations in a recent interview?

We don’t even make it past the headline on his comments before his first astounding delusion gobsmacks us: “U.S. Is ‘Gold Standard for Aviation Security.‘” Yep, I kid you not. Paranoia and incompetence that alternately infuriate and amuse the rest of the world  — well, TSA sets the standards, all right, but rather than gold, they’re lower than a lead balloon. Here’s just one example of a foreign newspaper’s reporting on the agency: coverage ranges from “TSA agents ‘humiliatie and strip-search ill grandmother as they swab her gastric feeding tube for explosives'” to “TSA agent ‘took passenger’s iPad and stuffed it down his trousers…and stole $50,000 of gadgets from luggage.'”

Then the crazed Perv “points out that since the TSA took over airport security following 9/11, all known terrorist attempts against U.S. aviation interests have originated at airports not in the USA but at airports in other countries.” Ah-duh. All known attacks from man-eating lions have originated in other countries, too, you moron. Dare I add a “furthermore”? Why not: imbecility this overwhelming deserves a full smackdown. Furthermore, the TSA’s stranglehold extends worldwide; it doesn’t curse American aviation alone. No, its embarrassingly unconstitutional checkpoints in airports overseas advertise to the world just how much Our Rulers disdain freedom, the highest law of their land, and simple decency. So “all known terrorist attempts against U.S. aviation interests have originated … at airports in other countries” that nonetheless suffer under the TSA. Ah-duh, ah-duh, ah-duh.

Finally, despite the utter, even murderous loathing victims nationwide harbor for Amerika’s blue-shirted goons, “Pistole thinks the TSA is making inroads with the public — even if it’s a slow process. ‘If this was zero, where everyone hates TSA, and this is 100%, I think we’ve moved off zero and I think we are making progress,’ Pistole is quoted as saying…” Is The Perv loonier than Maxine Waters or what? But hey, that is some potent acid he’s dropping: maybe if we grab some of it, we can dream we’re living free while Leviathan’s headlock tightens.

8:11 am on January 29, 2013