Federal Dietary Guidelines for Boobus

Email Print
FacebookTwitterShare

In spite of the fact that 40 years of the government’s dietary guidelines, the launching of countless health agencies, and force-feeding Americans the USDA-approved health and wellness paradigm has only made people fatter and sicker, some folks think that rinse and repeat is a viable strategy. Counting calories is still a popular fetish in spite of decades of failure from…counting calories.

Bite Technologies has rolled out another tool to help Boobus along the road to failure, because, after all, the conventional wisdom says it’s not what you eat, it’s how much you eat. The company has rolled out an $800 bite counter that you wear while it tracks wrist motion using “sophisticated filters and heuristics to determine when the user has taken a bite of food or drink of liquid. Calories are calculated from bite count based upon a formula similar to what is used in exercise equipment for estimating calories burned.” And we all know how well those calorie-counting machines work! There is even an alarm buzzer to tell you when to stop eating. Some of the FAQs are quite funny, in spite of the tragic fact that many of the statements represent the myths and lies of the conventional wisdomists.

Doesn’t food matter? A bite of chocolate is very different from a bite of celery.

That’s true. However, the caloric content of a bite averages out over the long term. People also tend to eat the same foods week to week, further stabilizing the calorie/bite relationship.

What if a person talks and gestures while eating?

The Bite Counter can get confused by some non-eating motions, such as using a napkin, adjusting glasses, and some types of arm gestures. However, people tend to conduct the same amount of these types of motions meal to meal, minimizing their effect on long-term tracking of intake.

Don’t be shocked by the price tag (no Black Friday deal here) because this is the product version for “professional” calorie counters. The consumer version is to come, surely, as soon as some gullible investors can be found. As one media story noted, we should welcome all tools (including such “science-based” items as shake weights and Giddyup!) that help to exacerbate fight the obesity epidemic. Thanks to Bill Potter for the tip.

4:34 am on December 3, 2011