Leno: “I don’t want to say Cheney was pickled … but he tried to play a pizza on the stereo.”
Conan: “Cheney’s doctor told him to stay away from alcohol, so he got a twelve-foot straw.”
Stewart: “I don’t want to say Cheney drinks a lot… but he once got an alcohol rub and broke his neck trying to lick it off…”
Letterman: “I don’t want to say Cheney drinks a lot of martinis… but he’s got the only reported case of liver with onions.”
Kimmel: “I don’t want to say Cheney is a lush… but his idea of frozen food is Scotch on the rocks.”
And Letterman’s “Top Ten Reasons Not To Go Hunting With Dick Cheney:
10. Jack Daniels
9. Makers Mark
8. Old Crow
7. Old Grandad
6. Old Forester
5. Jim Beam
4. Rebel Yell
3. Canadian Club
2. Southern Comfort
And the Number One Reason not to go hunting with Dick Cheney: Wild Turkey.” (Jokes via Al Franken.)
6:30 pm on February 22, 2006
