Calling All Leeches

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While Leviathan’s thieves and thugs groan about their furloughs and delayed loot-sorry, paychecks, serfs who produce goods and services of value that the rest of us eagerly buy rejoice in memos such as this from their employers:

It’s once again time to celebrate a new [company name] milestone! Just moments ago, [company’s] stock traded at $[nice amount] per share for the first time!  That’s just 32 short months since we first reached $[half that amount] per share on February 16, 2011. …

We are in what I believe are the most exciting times ever for [company]. … Every … employee plays an essential role in our success and should be very proud of this important accomplishment.

To celebrate this significant achievement, all employees will receive a bonus of approximately $[very nice amount, 4 figures’ worth], after taxes, and an extra day of vacation during 2014. …

A member of the “Management Committee” signed the announcement of this largess. Kinda gives the lie to the Progressives’ favorite canard that “management” only exploits workers while hogging all the profit itself, doesn’t it?

At any rate, Parasites, your hosts out here are laughing at your delayed plunder – especially those of us earning unexpected and handsome bonuses. Maybe you should consider real, honest work for a change.

11:10 am on October 4, 2013