Best Use of Viagra

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Several days ago, I watched an interview with Russ Tice (the first guy to blow the whistle on the Stasi-sorry, the NSA). Among other topics, Mr. Tice suggested that we protect our emails from the spooks by including the word “Viagra” in them. (Yep, “it’s that simple,” as Mr. Tice insisted to the astonished reporter.) This tactic fools the Stasi’s omnivorous computers into ignoring correspondence as spam. He added that if the Stasi “targets” you, you can’t defeat it: no encryption, no dose of Viagra, however large, will help. But for us ordinary chumps who aren’t Moslem, Angela Merkel, or stooges on the Supreme Court, Viagra should enhance our mail’s performance.

Mr. Tice recommended adding Viagra to your email signature in 1-point type. That way, it’s almost indecipherable to the human eye but amply evident to the Stasi’s electronic ones. Problem: no program on my computer offered 1-point type. When I opened a Word.doc and tried to set the print that small, it defaulted to 12-point. (And believe me,  you don’t want “Viagra” visible. I’ve signed emails to my husband this week “Viagra,” and for some reason, he took umbrage.) The indefatigable Bill Martin solved this dilemma: type “Viagra” in a Word.doc, highlight it, then reduce it — Word will accept a “1″ in the little box entitled “Size” for existing copy. Both Bill and I had trouble adding it to our respective emails’ signatures; depending on your provider, you may have to play around with it, too. For example, I discovered that placing it before my tag (“Halestorm and Abducting Arnold, the revolutionary novels…”) rather than after resolved things.

Your Intrepid Reporter tried diligently but in vain to find the youtube clip she watched with Mr. Tice. So forgive my not linking to it. Regardless, never has one drug done so much for so many. Thank you, Pfizer!

6:29 am on April 12, 2014