The most asinine Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) regulation of all time was the prohibition of firearms in the cockpit. Armed pilots trained to use firearms would have made 9/11 impossible. But there are many, many more. Last night on a flight from Fort Lauderdale to Baltimore I was in business class and the small bag that I had tucked under the seat in front of me was protruding toward my feet by about 6 inches. As the plane was being pushed onto the runway the AirTran flight attendant, who looked remarkably like “Miss Balbricker” in the movie “Porky’s” stared at me with utter contempt in her eyes and said, “Move that bag in under the seat or the plane will have to stop and turn back!” I nudged the bag with my foot to comply with her request while she continued to shout orders and threats. And I was a “first class” customer. Regulation has turned every airline employee into a Nazi.
The reason for this bag-must-be-all-the-way-under-the-seat regulation, I have been informed, is that if the plane crashed, I might trip over the bag while attempting to get to the aisle. (As though all bags would remain perfectly in place after the plane crashed and turned into a fireball).
3:38 pm on January 7, 2011
