I must not be representative of the typical American woman. ‘Cuz I just don’t get it. When Hollywood molded men into girly men to make them “attractive” and “sexy,” I must’ve missed the orientation session (or the magic pill). The decrepit Johnny Depp was once again voted the “Sexiest Man Alive” (is he wearing eye shadow??) by the magazine that caters to the two-minute attention span. Johnny Depp always looks like he just crawled out of a drainage ditch after a three-week-long “save the moss” campaign. Yet the Hollywood press continues to worship this caricature of Dumpster Boy. Someone bring me my beer goggles, and quick.

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