A New Species

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The “snubfin dolphin” is the latest new species discovered by scientists in Australia. Whenever a species is no longer to be found, environmentalists are quick to find a causal connection between human activity and special extinction. But what happens when a new species is found: is mankind to receive an offsetting credit?

Henry George commented on the symbiotic relationship between humans and other life forms, noting that both jayhawks and humans like to eat chickens. But, he added: “the more jayhawks there are, the fewer chickens; while the more humans there are, the more chickens.” In his book “The Botany of Desire,” Michael Pollan developed a similar theme showing how various plants and human beings enjoy a mutually-prosperous relationship with each other. A study in England showed more species of wildlife living in London than in the surrounding countryside, while agricultural proficiency and the self-interests of lumber companies have increased plant/tree growth in America. What if the “snubfin dolphin” has evolved through the ability to metabolize fluorocarbons? What if, as George Carlin has mused, the life force on earth evolved mankind as its only way to produce plastic? What if, like fungi that are nourished by dead trees, there are species in our world that are learning to thrive on our entropic wastes?

A number of months ago, scientists reported that the planet Mars is experiencing global warming, and its polar ice cap is melting. Since, as the environmentalists proclaim, such phenomena can only be occasioned by human behavior, I suggested that this was clear evidence of human-like beings on Mars!

I suspect I will hear from a number of humorless souls eager to correct my speculative dispositions!

5:45 pm on July 5, 2005
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