‘A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, and Leviathan,’ Incongruously Enough

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We have two new entries for our category, “Odes to Our Rulers”; both fall in the subdivision titled “TSA.” Who knew hatred of Leviathan inspires Calliope — or should I say Melpomene?

Our first selection comes from “Paul the Cab Driver.” He advises me that he “scrawl[s it] on bathroom walls in the airport whenever I can.” Lucky guys!

What can we say,
About TSA?
They grope little girls,
For very low pay.
And when we protest,
All they will say,
Is “Don’t blame us!
We don’t think…
Just OBEY!”

Another gem with which Paul likes to awaken the sheeple is “TSA: If you see something, say something, because if you’re not paranoid, we’re not necessary!”

We have Lee Shelton to thank for our second effort, a parody of “God Bless the USA”:

GOD BLESS THE TSA
(To the tune of “God Bless the USA,” by Lee Greenwood)

If tomorrow all my rights were gone,
I’ve had for all my life,
And I had to fly again
with my children and my wife.

I’d thank my lucky stars
to be in the USA,
‘Cause the flag that stood for freedom
stands for something else today.

And I’m proud to be an American,
where I’m safe instead of free.
And I know the government has lied,
but they know what’s best for me.

And I’d gladly strip down in front of you,
’cause there is no better way
To assure us all it’s safe to fly,
God bless the TSA!

Taking off in Minnesota,
touching down in Tennessee,
It’s only possible because of
heightened security.

Being patted down in Houston,
groped and scanned in L.A.
Well there’s fear in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say…

That I’m proud to be an American,
where I’m safe instead of free.
And I know the government has lied,
but they know what’s best for me.

9:29 am on October 26, 2012