Karl Rove, whose computer-like mind (in a pre-Woodstock, IBM 026 key-punch card sort of way) directed George W. Bush’s eight disastrous years in the White House, now wonders whether another candidate has the necessary “gravitas” for the office.

From the record, let’s review Mr. Rove’s historic qualifiers for “gravitas”:

• defy the Constitution and act on the basis of your gut
• as a “good Christian,” embrace Lenin’s view of “permanent revolution,” as long as it’s democratic and imposed by American armed force and permanent occupation
• shoot your best friend in the face, almost blinding him, and never apologize (OK, it was Cheney, but in Texas, and Bush picked him)
• betray the key promises you made in your campaign
• thrive on constantly instilling fear in the populace
• destroy liberty, privacy rights, the economy, the dollar, the GOP (“them that brung ya,” in the words of another famous Texan), the conservative and pro-life movements (without whom you’d have lost miserably), while you foment international contempt for the United States and its people
• always insist that your unconstitutional wars are “America’s”
• hide proof (now revealed) that as Commander-in-Chief you approved orders that US troops should not interfere when the puppet government installed by US occupiers tortured prisoners handed over to them by US forces
• hand the country over on a silver platter to a pretentious, vapid, inexperienced, and egoistic nobody — a man much like yourself, come to think of it
• never apologize, and schedule a book tour trumpeting your “successes”

Question for Mr. Rove: Karl, Mrs. Palin aside (apparently, for all her faults, you can’t control her), who could be a worthy successor to this legacy of the marvelous W? Please advise, and thanks.

The Best of Christopher Manion