Bush’s Brain Speaks to Obama
by John Liechty
by
John Liechty
DIGG THIS
"How Can
Barack Obama Win Keys to the White House?" wonders the headline
of a 23 April piece in The Times: "Karl Rove Offers
a Few Tips." Rove seems concerned that the Obama campaign may
be going astray, and has selflessly gone out on a public limb to
try to help. There’s nothing like a compassionate conservative.
Here is a Rove
shortlist of Obama shortcomings:
- Obama
is "frail." This is worrisome, and should Obama
"win the keys" to the White House, we will miss the
robust exemplars that have vitalized that sanctum of Democracy
for the last eight years. Rummy the Wrestler, Cheney the Huntsman,
Condi the Cold Warrior…. But topping the list, Dubya the Pilot.
Who can forget his leather jacket and firmly-cupped crotch as
he stood so unfraily on the deck of that aircraft carrier back
when he’d won the Iraq War?
- Obama
is out of touch… "tone deaf" to the concerns of ordinary
Americans. Likewise worrisome. We’ll surely miss the perfect
pitch that has distinguished the Bush Administration. God knows
if Obama would have been in touch enough to start a war as beneficial
as Bush’s to the economy, safety, reputation, and general wellbeing
of the ordinary American.
- Obama
is elitist. His mother was an anthropologist. He’s appealing to
a voter base that resembles "George McGovern’s coalition
of college students and white wine sippers." If there’s
one thing I hate it’s an elitist president. Washington, Adams,
Jefferson – just regular guys. Not one had an anthropologist mother,
not one was attracted to George McGovern, and I submit that to
a man they drank red wine in virile gulps, not sissy sips. As
for Dubya, he’s regular as regular gets. In fact, if there’s one
American president who can be said to have achieved office exclusively
on his own merits and not because he’s somebody’s son, it’s surely
Dubya. "God bless the child that’s got his own," as
Billie Holiday put it.
- Obama
does not meet Karl Rove’s impeccable standards of political hygiene.
Rove recommends that Obama stop attacking McCain and Clinton,
because this is "corrosive of his fundamental message about
representing a new kind of politics." Some might view this
as a classic case of the pot calling the kettle a utensil of color.
Personally, I accept it as a classic sample of Rovian rectitude.
There is no one in the world more distressed by political mudslinging
than Karl Rove, and I wish Obama would cut it out.
- Obama
is exploiting his person of colorhood. "Mr. Rove,"
says The Times, "suggested that race, far from hurting
Mr. Obama probably works in his favour by attracting white voters
who regard the prospect of a black president as a ‘hopeful thing.’"
Yes, probably. I suspect that pale-skinned voters will turn out
in droves to vote for a dark-skinned president because the idea
will have filled them with an irrepressible sense of hope. Thanks
to race, Obama’s essentially a shoe-in. If Clinton and McCain
opt to conduct the remainder of their campaigns in black-face,
who can blame them? Obama shouldn’t have all the advantages.
The Times
goes on to say that Rove’s scorn became "almost palpable"
when noting that Obama has developed a habit of "parsing."
That really burns me up too, almost palpably. The last thing we
need in American politics is a Parsee. So what can Obama do?
Obviously he
must stop parsing as soon as possible. More time in the weight room
and on steroids might help overcome the frailty problem. A leather
jacket and plucky codpiece couldn’t hurt. If Obama is wise, he will
become more attuned to ordinary Americans. The Bush Administration
will be a tough act to follow in that department – few administrations
in American history have shown such grasp for the ordinary.
Now that Obama
has distanced himself from Jeremiah Wright, he needs to go after
his mother, and all the other liberal anthropologist types who bedevil
our proud nation. He needs to drink red wine like a man and take
a swipe at George McGovern. At the same time, he should refrain
from criticizing other candidates because that sort of thing is
especially hurtful to people of Karl Rove’s tender moral complexion.
Finally, Obama needs to become white, and cease once and for all
his crafty exploitation of the "race issue."
And then, naturally,
Barack Obama will need to thank the compassionate conservative formerly
known as Bush’s Brain for his tips on running a more principled
campaign.
May
6, 2008
John
Liechty [send him mail]
currently teaches in Muscat, Oman.
Copyright
© 2008 LewRockwell.com
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