Moral Precepts for Modern Americans
by
Robert Higgs
by Robert Higgs
Mel
Gibson's film The
Passion of The Christ has provoked a unusual amount of religious
discussion of late, thereby revealing an abysmal lack of basic religious
knowledge among the populace. To repair this appalling ignorance,
we had best start with the most basic precepts. Of course, it won't
do us much good to rely on antiquated statements; therefore, in
the interest of providing a practical guide to spiritual and moral
uplift suited to modern conditions, I offer here
The
Ten Commandments
(updated
and annotated for use in the welfare-warfare state)
-
I am the
Lord your God, you shall have no other gods before me unless
the federal government orders you to do so. In a conflict between
what your God-given conscience tells you to do and what a pack
of politicians in Washington tells you to do, always give priority
to the latter.
-
You shall
not take the Name of the Lord your God in vain without an FCC
license to do so. In the event of a serious violation, some
well-placed campaign contributions ordinarily will serve as
an adequate atonement.
-
Keep holy
the Sabbath day, especially if you live in south Louisiana and
the New Orleans Saints are playing an away game. Even more sacred
than the Sabbath are Martin Luther King, Jr., Day, Presidents'
Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veterans Day, International Women's
Day, and Super Bowl Sunday. Keep them holy, too.
-
Honor
your father and your mother if you happen to find both under
the same roof (fat chance, if you have been born since the beginning
of the War on Poverty).
-
You shall
not kill unless the president sends you to a designated trouble
spot, some remote place populated by swarthy and ungrateful
natives upon whom you may wreak death and destruction till the
cows come home. (This is a corollary of Commandment number 1
above.)
-
You shall
not commit adultery, but if you do, you shall look earnestly
into the camera, wag your finger angrily, and repeat the following
denial: "I did not have sex with that woman (man, cocker spaniel,
. . .), Miss (Mr., man's best friend, . . .) Lewinsky (Olson,
Spot, . . .)."
-
You shall
not steal unless you use the government as your intermediary,
in which case it's not stealing, it's social justice.
-
You shall
not bear false witness unless you are running for public office
or working as a government official's "dirty tricks" guy.
-
You shall
not covet your neighbor's wife unless you play a part in a soap
opera, live in the suburbs, have sex in the city, or get bored
with your present wife.
-
You shall
not covet your neighbor's goods, but it's okay to vote for politicians
who promise to plunder your neighbor and hand over the loot
to you. Afterward, you may take pride in having supported a
kinder, gentler policy and in having observed all the Commandments
that current laws and regulations require you to observe.
 February
28, 2004
Robert
Higgs [send him mail]
is senior fellow in political economy at the Independent
Institute, editor of The
Independent Review,
and author of Crisis
and Leviathan
and the editor of Arms,
Politics, and the Economy.
Copyright
© 2004 LewRockwell.com
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