'Suicide Pretzel' Attacks Bushby Gene Callahan and Stu MorgensternLewRockwell.com has learned, from sources high up in the FBI, that last week's "accident" involving President Bush and a pretzel was very likely no accident at all. Our source informed us that President Bush's seemingly innocent incident with an errant snack food, where he apparently choked on a "pretzel," may actually have been the latest strike from Osama bin Laden and his Al Queda terrorist network. After the incident, the pretzel in question was transported to FBI headquarters, where crime lab technicians were able to determine that the pretzel had been baked as a falafel, and had become "twisted" due to Islamo-Fascist influences. In addition, the so-called "pretzel" may have been staying illegally in the United States, on a fake import permit. After the choking incident, Vice President Cheney was apparently rushed to yet another undisclosed location -- one free of all snack foods. Meanwhile, Senator Tom Daschle called for a bailout of the ailing snack food industry, saying, "It's not the fault of honest American manufacturers that certain foreign elements have wreaked havoc with American's love of salt and crunchy carbohydrates." Nevertheless, the assets of the leading pretzel manufacturers have been frozen, and air strikes on America's pretzel capital, Bluffton, Indiana, are in the works. January 19, 2002 Gene Callahan [send him mail] has just finished a book, Economics for Real People, to be published this year by the Ludwig von Mises Institute. Stu Morgenstern [send him mail] was a frequent contributor to Slick Times, until the presence of his articles drove the magazine out of business. © 2002, Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern Gene Callahan/Stu Morgenstern Archives |