In a move
clearly designed to bolster his re-election chances, as well
as improve his standing in the empire's eastern provinces, US
President George W. Bush announced to the news media and the
nation that he is the New Father Liber, the living reincarnation
of Osiris-Dionysus, King of Kings and conqueror of the East.
Bush held the press conference riding in a Bacchic chariot,
resplendent in flowing robes of gold, his head wreathed in ivy,
a sacred wand held aloft in his hand.
of Laura Bush that will appear on the new $1 bill.
Bush ordered that his wife, Laura, will henceforth be acknowledged
as the living vessel of Isis-Aphrodite, the divine benefactress,
she who rises in the Dogstar, who gave all people, both the
Americans and the barbarians, their speech, and who broke down
the government of tyrants. ("And we all know who that means,"
Bush then added with a wink.) Laura was at his side, reclining
beneath a cloth of gold, fanned by a dozen boys in loincloths
to help stave off the heat of a summer day in the nation's capital.
In a move
that was questioned even by Bush devotees such as Rush Limbaugh,
the president's speech also significantly raised the profile
within the administration of his Dionysus-worshipping daughters,
Barbara and Jenna. Barbara has been made "Queen of Mesopotamia
and all of the desert lands to its south, as far as the ocean
of salt," while Jenna will now be overlord of "the
Medians, the Parthians, and the Phyrgians."
Bush's decree grants his brother Jeb the territory of Cappodocia
"wherever the hell that is," the president was
heard to mumble and makes brother Neil permanent head of
the World Bank and IMF.