2003, New York City Responding to growing public resentment
over aggressive military campaigns, the United Nations today announced
the release of a global "do-not-bomb list." A new UN
resolution makes it a crime to drop bombs on the territory of
any government or group that has put its name on the do-not-bomb
International Do-Not-Bomb Registry is fully up and running,"
said Timothy Yuslis, chairman of the United Nations Aerial Warfare
Commission. He called the move a "major victory for humans."
military groups, soon to face fines of up to $11,000 per kiloton
for violating the rules, vowed to heed the wishes of potential
bombees while considering legal options that might overturn the
applauded the new list. As Fazool Yansouri, a strong supporter
of the measure, put it: "There's really nothing more annoying
than getting home from a hard day at work, sitting down to eat
with your family, and then all of a sudden your meal is interrupted
by a cluster bomb crashing into the kitchen, sending body parts
flying hither and thither."
the UN list is not without its detractors. Vladimir Putin, President
of Russia, said he thinks
an international do-not-bomb list run by the UN is a "big,
fat waste of time." Putin told reporters: "True, getting
bombed is an inconvenience. But do we ask Big Brother to solve
every inconvenience in our lives?"
time!" an exasperated Putin declared. "I'm always hearing
about people being unhappy about being interrupted at dinner time.
If those Chechens don't want to be interrupted at dinner time,
they should eat in a bomb shelter."
bombers argued that the UN has no business meddling in their affairs
and that denying them the right to strike at whom they want, when
they want, is just a darned nuisance.
is an unfair violation of the rights of belligerent nations to
freely conduct their own foreign policy," said Israeli Prime
Minister Ariel Sharon. "The UN charter doesn't give it authority
to regulate this type of activity. Israel will not be deterred
from protecting its citizens and will strike its enemies in every
place and in every way it damned well pleases."
of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was equally unhappy. "This measure
is a cheap appeal to the emotions," he complained. "And
it won't stop bombing. It only applies to those militaries that
initiate aggression. People don't read between the fine
lines, but if you actually look at this thing, you'll see that
even countries on the so-called do-not-bomb list aren't exempt
from governments acting to protect their nation against terrorist
attacks, which includes future terrorist attacks that the bombing
government is vaguely suspicious just might be coming one day."
Gitt, a game theorist at the RAND Corporation, echoed Rumsfeld's
concerns. "The measure is a paper tiger, devoid of any real
teeth. In any event, this popular outrage is silly," Gitt
said. "If you're sooo bothered by people bombing your
country, all you have to do is surrender to them."
"These countries, they claim they don't want to be
bothered by bombers. However, it just isn't borne out by the statistics.
If it were true, they would ignore the bombing, but I've found
that over 98% of all countries alter their foreign policy in response
to a serious bombing campaign."
to the sovereignty issues, the bombing industry has said the do-not-bomb
list could prove economically devastating to an industry that
generates some $211 billion in sales for companies making everything
from bombsights to air-raid shelters. The industry contends the
new rules could result in the loss of millions of bombing-related
above analysis, Irving Phutstompir, a marketing consultant, stated:
"We can gripe about the victims of bombing all day long,"
he said. "But when we come down to it, the reason people
keep bombing is that bombing pays."
Puffendingle, a sociology professor at Harvard, indicated that
the widespread distrust and hatred of bombers was quite fascinating
in its own right: "There's this image people have of the
bomber with ulterior motives: 'Oh, he says he doesn't want my
sovereignty, that his bombing will involve no lasting obligation
on my part, but I don't believe him for a second.' But as justified
as perhaps many of these negative stereotypes are, I think we
need to remember that there are real human beings on the other
end of that bombsight, releasing those bombs. And those people
need to earn a living too."
bombees are waiting out the uncertainty of the battle over the
legal status of the UN list, the Aerial Warfare Commission recommends
that if you are on the receiving end of an unwanted bombing, you
should send complaints to the bombing government in question via
their web site, e-mail, or regular post. The Commission also suggested
the following tips for dealing with bombers: