"Buy
When the Blood Is Running in the Streets"
(Unless it’s your blood.)
by
Burton S. Blumert
Nikkei
Averages Reach 1985 Lows
Nasdaq
Averages Break 2000. Down 65% From Highs In Just One Year
Dow
Jones Industrial Average Breaks 10,000. Down More Than 600 Points
in Last Few Days
~
Newspaper Headlines
"You
are calling the ‘INVESTOR'S CRISIS AND DESPAIR HOTLINE.’ All our
grief counselors are occupied with desperate stock market investors
like yourself. Be calm and breathe deeply while you wait, or
"Press
‘one’ if you are at the end of your rope. Your call will be transferred
to the Suicide Prevention Center.
"Be
prepared to be put on hold.
"Press
‘two’ if you are calling because you can’t get through to your broker.
He is most likely on the line with one of our counselors.
"Press
‘three’ if you are seeking religious support. Once again, be patient,
as most religious leaders are also on the line with our counselors.
"Press
‘four’ if you want to hear Handel’s ‘Dead March’.
"Press
‘five’ if you want to hear FDR’s famous ‘We have nothing to fear,
but fear itself’ speech.
"While
you are waiting, think positive. Consider the following that may
comfort you.
"If
the DIJA and the Nasdaq continue to drop 2-3% per day, in 37 days
all the averages will be zero and you’ll have nothing more to worry
about.
"To
those of you calling about Foot-and-Mouth disease, please be advised
that it does not apply to the bubble-headed stock market cheerleaders
on TV."
"Blumert,
we need you for another shift on the phones," pleaded the INVESTOR'S
CRISIS AND DESPAIR Director.
"But,
I’ve been on for thirty-six hours straight. Surely there are other
grief counselors available?"
"None
as comforting to the poor souls as you, Blumert. After all, as a
precious metals dealer you have been party to the most dismal, gold
bear market for more than twenty years."
"Losers
need other losers. Lord knows, you are at the top of the list."
March
15, 2001
Burt Blumert is owner of Camino Coins, president of the Center
for Libertarian Studies, and publisher of LewRockwell.com.
©
2001 LewRockwell.com
Burt
Blumert Archives
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