"Buy When the Blood Is Running in the Streets"
(Unless it's your blood.)
Nikkei Averages Reach 1985 Lows
Nasdaq Averages Break 2000. Down 65% From Highs In Just One Year
Dow Jones Industrial Average Breaks 10,000. Down More Than 600 Points in Last Few Days
~ Newspaper Headlines
"You are calling the ‘INVESTOR'S CRISIS AND DESPAIR HOTLINE.' All our grief counselors are occupied with desperate stock market investors like yourself. Be calm and breathe deeply while you wait, or
"Press ‘one' if you are at the end of your rope. Your call will be transferred to the Suicide Prevention Center.
"Be prepared to be put on hold.
"Press ‘two' if you are calling because you can't get through to your broker. He is most likely on the line with one of our counselors.
"Press ‘three' if you are seeking religious support. Once again, be patient, as most religious leaders are also on the line with our counselors.
"Press ‘four' if you want to hear Handel's ‘Dead March'.
"Press ‘five' if you want to hear FDR's famous ‘We have nothing to fear, but fear itself' speech.
"While you are waiting, think positive. Consider the following that may comfort you.
"If the DIJA and the Nasdaq continue to drop 2-3% per day, in 37 days all the averages will be zero and you'll have nothing more to worry about.
"To those of you calling about Foot-and-Mouth disease, please be advised that it does not apply to the bubble-headed stock market cheerleaders on TV."
"Blumert, we need you for another shift on the phones," pleaded the INVESTOR'S CRISIS AND DESPAIR Director.
"But, I've been on for thirty-six hours straight. Surely there are other grief counselors available?"
"None as comforting to the poor souls as you, Blumert. After all, as a precious metals dealer you have been party to the most dismal, gold bear market for more than twenty years."
"Losers need other losers. Lord knows, you are at the top of the list."
March 15, 2001
© 2001 LewRockwell.com