Dear Mayor Bloomberg:
It's time that you manned up and took yourself seriously. Forget about those sugary soda drinks. Don't waste any more of New York taxpayers' money appealing that silly lawsuit. It's time to go after what really makes New Yorkers fat: the city's famous Jewish Delicatessens and Italian restaurants. According to my sources, a hot pastrami sandwich with melted swiss cheese contains 628 calories, 28 grams of fat, 15 grams of saturated fat, and is incredibly salty. What are you trying to do, give the Jewish population of New York a heart attack? I don't even need to mention the caloric content of lasagne and manicotti, let alone gelato and all those Italian cookies and tiramisu.
If you are a serious person, Mayor Bloomberg, you will go after Big Fat in your city and call for a ban of all Jewish Deli food and Italian restaurants that serve meals consisting of more than 300 calories. Two spaghetti noodles and half a meatball is more than enough for anyone. Wouldn't you agree? If you succeed, then perhaps some day more New Yorkers will be as blessed as you are with a perfect body type.
Meanwhile, you might be interested in a book I coauthored with James T. Bennett some years ago entitled The Food and Drink Police: America's Nannies, Busybodies, and Petty Tyrants. In it we predicted that the "war on tobacco" would eventually turn into a war on french fries, soda, chips, burgers, and beer, wine and liquor since there's so much money in being a "public health" nanny. At the time, people said we were crazy.