Another of the TSA's Thieves and Sexual Assailants is arrested for unauthorized stealing. Rather than contenting himself with your shampoo, mouthwash, and (formerly) snowglobes, this kleptomaniac was into iPads. And if this seems like déjà vu all over again, you're right: "hundreds" of the lowlifes the TSA "holds...to the highest professional and ethical standards" have been caught with their hands in our suitcases as well as our britches.
Sooner or later, one of the TSA's führers will figure out how to solve this problem: simply declare iPads (and all the other electronic gadgets these paid plunderers swipe) "Prohibited Items." That way, its minions' theft of them is as "legitimate" as their pillaging of pocket-knives and cosmetics. Presto: no more humiliating headlines, even when a news-team's iPad winds up at a Thief and Sexual Assailant's home! And if you scoff that even the TSA couldn't pretend such shameless pelf protects the ole Homeland, I remind you of their hissy fits over snowglobes.