There had always been family tales of Indian blood on my mother’s side, from the Abaneki Tribe, so, when I noticed that, based on the human genome studies, a number of firms had sprung up to test one’s racial DNA (no, it’s not a social construct), I found a well-regarded lab and sent off the two samples required. There are more expensive tests, but this one broke down one’s ancestry into “European, Sub-Saharan African, East Asian, and American Indian.”

Today, I got the report: I am 88% European and 12% Indian. And one-eighth is more than enough, according to the Bureau of Indian Affairs, to make one an official Indian. But the Abenaki Tribe is only recognized in Canada, so I will not be receiving any affirmative-action goodies.

Does all this affect my outlook? Well, I still don’t want to change the name of the Washington Redskins, nor abolish the Tomahawk Chop. On the other hand, about that land stolen by the Yankees…