Basketball Association Newest Target of EEOC
New York City,
N.Y. Following what NBA Commissioner David Stern has called,
"one of the best drafts in recent memory," the league
has come under fire from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
EEOC Commissioner Naomi Earp cited the NBAs, "blatant
and unconscionable bigotry against one of Americas largest
minorities the unathletic."
As a result,
Earp has launched a formal investigation of the NBA, charging a
litany of rights violations including, "racism, sexism,
ageism, heightism, and most egregious of all, athleticism."
In Earps view, the draft is only the tip of the iceberg. The
makeup of the entire league will soon be placed under exhaustive
This new legal
initiative has support from all over the political spectrum. In
an increasingly common joint press conference, presidential candidates
Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Clinton complained that too few New Yorkers
were represented in the draft. Clinton, the wife of former President
Bill Clinton was particularly outraged that "not a single solitary
female was drafted for the NBA this year. Furthermore, my husband
will be leading a committee to investigate why no males were allowed
into the WNBA. This sexism ends here."
representative of the Little People of America, noted that the average
height of the NBA draftees this year is around six feet, eight inches
short. "Why cant they accommodate people who are 3'6"
short, the average vertical extension of the members of my organization?"
She demanded that the entire NBA draft, next year, be limited to
those who are shorter than 4'5".
of Disabled Americans also maintains that it was a disgrace to draft
such highly athletic individuals. "What about the couch potatoes
of the nation? What of the disabled? Dont they deserve spots
on NBA rosters, too?" The moderate LDA, however, has only demanded
that half of the slots be "allotted to the athletically challenged."
The Ku Klux
Klan was also livid with the NBAs "horrible discrimination
against white Americans," noting that while blacks comprise
only 14% of the population, they account for more than 70% of the
NBA. Said former Grand Wizard David Duke, "It is time. No,
it is past time to teach the NBA a lesson in egalitarianism. And
who better than us to give it?"
As a result
of heightened pressure Commissioner David Stern has kowtowed to
the EEOC and announced some new additions to the NBA lineup this
physicist Stephen Hawking will start as center for the New York
Knicks. "This way," says Stern, "not only will
our league experience diversity, but Cambridge will have more
room for the intellectually challenged."
disabled George Bush, fresh off of his recent impeachment, will
aid in "attracting a new audience to the NBA." An audience
doesnt care about how their team is doing."
- Though Michael
Moore will not open the season off due to the promotion of his
new autobiography, FaTSO, he is excited to, "give dumb morons
everywhere hope that they too can be successful in the greedy
Ron Paul, known for his minority opposition to totalitarianism,
will start as forward for the San Antonio Spurs. Head Coach Carlos
Menger said, "Were accepting of anyone who has been
discriminated, be it politically or socially."
Rudy Giuliani, who was mayor of New York City during 9/11 was
drafted so that, "Those suffering from sadism will have someone
to look up to; and, Rudy Giuliani was also mayor of New York City
A final measure
put forward by the EEOC would ban the playing of all non-government
organized pick-up games. "If students want to play sports from
now on," said McCain, "they will need the proper license
so that we can ensure an appropriate level of diversity."
Block [send him mail] is a
professor of economics at Loyola University New Orleans, and a senior
fellow of the Ludwig von Mises Institute. He is the author of Defending
the Undefendable and Labor
Economics From A Free Market Perspective. His latest book
Privatization of Roads and Highways.
© 2007 by LewRockwell.com. Permission to reprint in whole or in
part is gladly granted, provided full credit is given.
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