Therefore, the court ruled, since the government created the ESF, by its provisions it is now perfectly legal for the government to cheat people, and have civilian accomplices cheat people, and then everybody lie about it.

Therefore, if you lost money in the wild, out-of-nowhere price-swings caused by the manipulations, you can’t sue anybody, since no laws were broken.  Wow! What a scam!

It sure makes you wonder about the effect on the fabled “full faith and credit” of the United States! Wow again!

After a predictable initial period of Loud Mogambo Outrage (LMO) wherein I howled and vowed violent blood vengeance against the criminal lowlifes in Congress who perpetrated this massive fraud, I, upon due reflection, realized that another episode of Mogambo Running Berserk (MRB) through the streets, clad only in an army helmet, combat boots and an adult diaper while shouting “We’re freaking doomed!” was going to be as pointless as it always was.

Then, I thought to myself “Hey! Wait! I can use this!”

Sure enough, soon I was busily forging signatures of the neighbors on Transfer of Title forms, brilliantly had their cars transferred to me, and then selling them! It was easy!

Also sure enough, alas, the stupid neighbors and the stupid buyers were soon banging on my door, angrily demanding that I give them back their stupid cars or currency.

Naturally, cool as a cucumber, confident in the precedent already set by the Treasury Department, I said “No,” and then patiently explained to these ignorant Earthling mouth-breathers who obviously don’t keep up with the latest innovations in finance, that the Mogambo Exchange Stabilization Fund (MESF) gave me the right to take anything I wanted, anytime I wanted, from anybody I wanted, “And to lie about it, too, leading me to deny, deny, deny that I took your stupid cars or your cash, morons! Now, scram!”

Jamming a foot in my door to keep me from slamming it in their faces, they crowded threateningly closer, and through gritted teeth and clenched fists they were naturally quizzical, asking “What, pray tell, is the Mogambo Exchange Stabilization Fund (MESF)?”

Again, with the inexhaustible patience of Job, I explained through the crack in my door that I was taking my seemingly-endless days of being bored out of my Freaking Mogambo Mind (FMM) being cooped up with my boring family because I could not afford to go anywhere after the family has bled me dry paying for their stupid dentist bills, and stupid new shoes, and stupid haircuts that all keep going up and up in price in a horrifying spiral of inflation because of the terrifying increases of money and credit by the filthy Federal Reserve, and I was merely EXCHANGING my bleak days for glorious days of fun, frivolity and feasting on fatty fried foods, hopefully a happier time without such a stupid-yet-gratuitous surplus of admittedly awful alliteration.

Anyways, as any party-hearty, fun-loving person knows, this kind of irresponsible tomfoolery takes a lot of cash. Ergo, by virtue of the fabulous MESF, I can now do it!

Things deteriorated soon after that distasteful encounter, and it started a whole downer of a Saturday, continuing when the horrid, incomprehensibly far-left Tampa Bay Times newspaper, a worthless rag that is apparently run, staffed and edited by doofus, clueless commie morons, reported in its sports section — without comment! – the unbelievable news that the First Amendment of the Constitution is really, really dead, which is why Adam Jones, of the Cincinnati Bengals football team, was arrested in Cincinnati and fined $130 for making a comment that was, according to statute, “likely to be offensive or cause inconvenience, annoyance or alarm to persons of ordinary sensibilities.”

And speaking of “causing alarm,” the S&P500 is sporting a hefty 19.6 price-to-earnings ratio, meaning that stocks are priced up around the top of their historical range compared to earnings, which, combined with the ugly economic news of late, makes both seem overdue for a big fall.

Worse, interest rates are bizarrely, abnormally low, thanks to the outrageous amounts of currency and credit created by the foul Federal Reserve all these decades, and especially so in the last Five Freaking Years (FFY).

This means, to anyone with sense of dread or impending doom, that interest rates should eventually rise all the way back to at least some semblance of sanity or vague reversion to normality, and thus bond prices have to fall, by half or more, making bonds a Very Bad Deal (VBD), too.

However, since the collapse of these markets would bring down the whole ugly, bloated, monstrous, malignant cancer we call our financial economy, which would cause the collapse of the country, you can be sure that government will do all it can to prevent that: The Federal Reserve, by creating carloads of cash and credit, and Congress, by borrowing and spending it.

And since every economic theory known to mortal man agrees that increasing the money supply (inflation in the money supply) causes inflation in prices, the price inflation will likely be in stocks and bonds, making their prices even higher and more insane.

If we who are In The Know (ITK) are lucky, not much of this avalanche of cash into the economy will flow into gold and silver, allowing us ITK people to buy them at unbelievable, artificially-low prices thanks to the now-proven government manipulation!

It was George Soros who famously said “The way to make a lot of money is to identify the trend whose premise is false, and then bet against it.”

And it was the Magnificent Mogambo who said essentially the same thing when he said “Buy gold, silver and oil! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

And if you don’t believe me, then read Economica Mogambo, the new book containing Priceless Mogambo Wisdom And Outrage (PMWAO), because it says that very exact thing on almost every page, which it should because I wrote most of it, including writing “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” on almost every page, thus proving EVERYTHING I’ve said, using what we professional economists call Genuine Circular Reasoning (GCR)!

“Whee!”

Hmmm. “Outburst of outrage.” Not bad writing! See? It was THAT kind of week!

On the bad news side, having drawers full of old electronic things lying about, I somehow hit on the doomed-but-desperate plan to assemble some kind of transmitter with which to contact my home planet, wherever that is, by randomly soldering odd pieces of miscellaneous circuit boards together.

The theory is based on the famous Mogambo One Chance In Hell Theory (MOCIHT), which postulates that even the slimmest chance is better than no chance at all.  Ergo, it is theoretically possible that I might accidentally construct, quite by lucky accident, a working transmitter, and people back on my planet will hear me and send a spaceship to rescue me, and return me to a safe, solid, predictable place where the money is gold, which is a clever monetary device whereby the money supply is constrained so that inflation in the money supply never happens, and thus is a wonderful place where the absolutely miserable horrors of price inflation and systemic economic collapse never happen, and where everyone is happy, happy, happy and sublimely contented, where life goes peacefully on, and you can get a nice little nap anytime you want without kids running noisily through the house or some stupid neighbor mowing his stupid lawn.

The bad news in that regard is that, beyond some surprising, yet interesting and colorful, electrical fires, with lots of sizzling and sparking and acrid, choking smoke, nothing.  Zilch.

On the “good news” side, during my now apparently-extended stay on this crazy planet, so bereft of common sense in that it has willingly and deliberately destroyed itself with fiat currencies unconnected to gold, I have something to read.

I received a copy of NOJMR Doug’s new book, Economica Mogambo, which is an edited collection of Mogambo Guru newsletters, yet subtitled “The Desk Reference,” which really made me laugh! Hahaha! And it’s like that all the way through!

And starting on page 289 are the contents of the “Fun Facts” section of MogamboGuru.com, all of which are funny and/or witty epigrams, written by funny and clever people that I don’t even know and actually never saw before, such that these pithy little gems made me laugh out loud, and thus may be worth the price of the whole book right there!

And in another dub-index of the book, I was delighted to find that I had invented the delightful acronym FLOES, which stands for Free Lunch On Easy Street, which is obviously just an update on Bastiat’s “everyone trying to live at the expense of everyone else.”

Unfortunately, as clever as I think that acronym is, I am embarrassed to realize that it only worsens by embarrassment in proving, once again, that I never have an original thought, and my critics are all correct, and I really AM a Big Stupid Mogambo (BSM).

Just in time to rescue me from deepening depression, there is, I am happy to say, offsetting good news!  But only if you are a paranoid, angry, Austrian school of economics gold-bug like me, who is absolutely convinced that investing precious dollars into anything except gold and silver, given the dire current economic facts AND the lessons of the last 2,500 years of monetary and fiscal history, is beyond stupid, and that only really, really, REALLY stupid people could possibly think that the absurdity of massive deficit-spending, per the laughably ridiculous Keynesian theory and practice currently in vogue, could possibly, ever, in a million years, end up anywhere except in Total Freaking Disaster (TFD).

The good news in that? You can easily turn this Priceless Mogambo Gem Of Investing Advice (PMGOIA) into cold, hard cash!  “How?” you ask?

The clue is found in Dan Cofall’s eponymous Cofall Letter, where, according to his “Back of the envelope” calculations, figures that “By most accounts, less than 170,000 tons of gold have been mined… in history.  5B ounces.  $7T at current market value.  How much is sitting at ocean’s bottom in an unsalvageable wreck?  How much adorns houses of worship around the world?  How much is held that will never be sold?  How much is in electronics currently in use?”

Of course, I didn’t know the answers to any of those questions, I was embarrassed about it, and I confess that I quickly tired of the relentless cross-examination, like when my wife wants to know things like “Where in the hell have you been all afternoon when you were supposed to take me to shop for slipcovers and blah blah blah?”

Not surprisingly, I was on the verge of quitting reading any more, but out of the corner of my eye I saw that he wrote, continuing, “So we say for argument that 50% exists in a tradable form.  That is $3.5T, worldwide. The United States goes into debt $2T each year, on the books, and another $4-6T in promises.”

At this, I started to get that tingling feeling that conveys something subconsciously important, like Robby the Robot waving his robot arms wildly and saying “Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!”

You don’t know exactly what, but you are on alert that something is wrong. And I was right! He goes on “To be clear, the United States borrows or promises to repay the entire value of all tradable gold in the world…every 6 months!!!”

If you are even marginally qualified to be a Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR), then you know several things for sure.

One, you Know For Sure (KFS) that that three exclamation points means something highly important, but usually in a very bad kind of way, conveying “dangerous,” “usually fatal” and/or “Here be dragons.”

Two, you Know For Sure (KFS) that this cannot be happening to gold under current abnormal circumstances, so you, three, Know For Sure (KFS) that these ain’t normal circumstances, but, four, you Know For Sure (KFS) that they will be normal, one day soon, when what is now completely out of whack, gets back into whack (and that’s a fact, Jack!), which means, five, that you Know For Sure (KFS) that gold and silver are really, really cheap. Then Mr. Cofall asks the question, “So I ask, what is gold really worth?”

Since there is no definite answer, but which surely goes higher each day, I cleverly answer “We’ll see!”, which is code for “gold is worth a lot more than it costs right now, and people who are buying it are going to be Very, Very Happy (VVH) that they did!”

The bad economic news, however, is that the money supply, with which to theoretically buy all this gold and silver, has ceased growing very much at all in the last year, and lately actually seems to be turning — dare I say it? – lower.

So, even though non-revolving consumer debt increased at a 7.5 percent rate in July, to a whopping $2.2 trillion, and while the Federal Reserve is buying $85 billion in Treasury debt per month, the money supply is not rising! Amazing!!!

For a full explanation of what the use of three exclamation points as punctuation means, see above.

The even worse news is that the money supply figures are reported in nominal (dollar) terms, and merely show the actual, add-‘em-up money supply.

And the much worse news is that if you deflate the money supply by the inflation in prices (to show the REAL buying power of the dollar, and thus the total buying power of the money supply), then you get something that we old-time economists used to call Very, Very Scary Syndrome (VVSS), but which we now call the Economic Heebie-Jeebies (EHJ).

As far as I can tell, the primary symptom of EHJ is a lot of fear, writing hate mail to the Federal Reserve, and the desperate urge to convert all of one’s assets into gold and silver.

And I am sure that I will win a Nobel Prize for postulating that the mechanism of evolutionary survival-of-the-fittest has put EHJ into our DNA, since all the survivors of the world’s economic catastrophes, over thousands of years, put their cash into gold and silver, and prospered, and passed on their genes.

All the losers, on the other hand, who did not have EHJ, put theirs into something else, and died of starvation and misery as a result, eliminating themselves from the gene pool.

There is a lesson in there.  And it starts off “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Anyway, old scars that never quite heal aside, my day started off innocently enough by my noticing that the enormous, bankrupting national debt has mysteriously stabilized, at $16.738 trillion, for the last few months in a row, probably connected to it being obviously MORE than the Congressionally-mandated $16.699 trillion debt limit.

And I’m supposed to believe that this static-yet-enormous amount of debt is for real, despite large and continuous creations of currency and credit by the evil Federal Reserve so that the selfsame evil Federal Reserve can use the currency and credit to buy more government debt, to the tune of $9.55 billion three weeks ago, $29 billion two weeks ago week, and a whopping $39 billion last week?

At this point my heart is beating noticeably faster, teeth grinding harder, and I’m actually hyperventilating after noting that the Federal Reserve bought, outright, a tidy $782 billion in U.S. government debt in the last twelve months. This is 23 percent of the entire monetary base! Gaaahhh!

It actually becomes surreal when, despite enabling and financing the redistributive fascist government to deficit-spend us unbelievably further into the black hole of massively unpayable debt, somehow, from a strict accounting viewpoint, this new debt has, amazingly, disappeared!  Gone! Vanished!

Immediately, what those of us who are properly defined as true paranoid Austrian school of economics, gold bug, gun nut, Constitution-hugging, paranoid and thoroughly outraged people want to know is “Hey! What IS this crap?”

Secondly, being the greedy capitalist, free-market pigs that we are, we then want to know “Can this amazing trick can work for us — meaning me! – work-a-day slobs, too? I’d really love to borrow a lot of money and have it completely disappear!”

It turns out, I am sorry to say, that it’s a trick.  Jack Lew, Secretary of the Treasury, wrote to John Boehner as Speaker of the House, to tell him that the Treasury was using “the standard set of extraordinary measures” that would allow the Treasury to continue to borrow and spend at a rate of $4 billion a day, but arrange to keep it off the books.

Ergo, not a penny of it will show up on the Daily Treasury Statement.

Unbelievable!

Of course, it is just an accounting trick, but the brain reels at the implications!

That’s when you again think to yourself “There’s GOT to be a way to make money on this! But how? HOW?”

Then I happened to read that Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank, casually figures that the Treasury is not reporting its exploding debt because it is using “an accounting device,” which is apparently OK with Bernanke because it will give the up-against-the-debt-ceiling Treasury — get this! — “some extra head room.”

That was the very moment when, surprisingly and wonderfully, my new, all-time, latest-and-greatest, taking advantage of sudden new opportunities Mogambo Get Rich Quick Scheme (MGRQS) sprang — boing! — fully developed, into my head!  Just like that! I amazed myself with this one! I’m really starting to catch on!

Before I am aware of even doing it, in my excitement I jump into the Mogambo Super-Duper Mobile, crank ‘er up and take off!  Engine roaring! Tires squealing! Radio blaring! Down the road! Down, down, down, take a left, down a little more, take a right into the parking lot, to the bank! To take out a huge, HUGE loan!

At first, everything was going along just fine, all smiles and handshakes, and everybody wanting to get me some coffee. Until they fixated on how I was going to pay them back.

Casually, I lifted one eyebrow and put a smirking smile of smugness on my face, born of my sudden-yet-profound, Zen-like understanding genuine Treasury Department operating procedures, which are certified A-OK with the Federal Reserve, according to Ben Bernanke, speaking, as he does, as the head of all the banks.

I coolly told them, with a tone of haughty condescension in my voice, “With a standard set of extraordinary measures, of course!”

Judging by the quizzical looks on their faces and abrupt back-and-forth questions and answers, I soon realized that they were not “up to speed” with modern banking theory and practice.

So I carefully explained how they would loan me loads of cash to give myself some “extra headroom,” and I would not account for it (or pay taxes on it!).  I mean, it’s in the newspapers and all over the internet!

Yet, again and again I had to patiently explain what seems like a simple concept. “I’ll get the currency and spend it, see, but not put it on the books, and you just keep loaning me more and more currency and just shutting up about it!  It’s just the standard set of extraordinary measures! To give me headroom! HEADROOM, morons! With the standard set of extraordinary measures!”

For some unknown reason, the rest of the meeting went abruptly downhill amidst increasingly pointed questions like, as court documents will clearly show, “What the hell is this gibberish?”

But no matter how loudly I yelled “standard set of extraordinary measures” at them, or told them what big, fat idiots they were, or how they were missing a golden opportunity at the cutting edge of modern banking whereby I get tax-free, secret cash and they get more assets, and thus everybody wins, it ended with me shouting over my shoulder as I am being rudely and hurriedly escorted from the bank, “A standard set of extraordinary measures, you morons! Approved by the chairman of the Federal Reserve! Look it up! LOOK IT UP!”

It was only when I was halfway home that I thought of the perfect argument. Perhaps if I had explained “This is your role in the whole scheme of things, dorks!  Banks are a parasite on the Federal Reserve, it being that ugly, bloated, diseased sow that is the U.S. banking system, gorged with fiat currency and accompanying crushing debts, and at whose swollen, infected teats bankers suckle the thin, poison milk of a fiat currency and insane amounts of fractional-reserve banking, like the greedy little diseased banker piglets you are, leaving us to wallow in your filth. Now gimme that loan!”

Well, I never did get the loan, and nobody at the bank wants to talk to me about it, but I now have a much better appreciation of how we got into this mess.

Thus, in my seething outrage, I find I wax poetic: Bankers are wankers. Not all wankers are bankers. But bankers are wankers.

By this pithy, incomparable lyricism I obviously deplore their lack of education about the Austrian school of economics, or having never taken a mere cursory look at the entire history of economics and the terrible fate of countries and their banks that were stupid enough to voluntarily increase their money supplies via a fiat currency, or even using common sense, for crying out loud.

If they had, they would be buying gold and silver by the fistful, and they would be insisting that we be safely on a gold standard, as they apparently say in France, toot sweet.

Or at least ordering a copy of the terrific new book Economica Mogambo, from which they would learn this very thing, and which I am happy to say is now being released for sale! And although I have not read it either, I am hoping that it will be everything I hoped it would be, a runaway best-seller, thus everyone will order one, read it, decide “That halfwit lowlife Mogambo is right, and we were wrong to disparage his distasteful personal habits and feral eating skills!” and, by overwhelming consensus, the nation will then rise as one to sweep me into office to rule the country as an absolute monarch with omnipotent, dictatorial powers to enforce the Constitution and a gold-standard money, wielded with an iron fist!

And then… the world!

Falling short of that, the same satisfyingly salubrious end can almost be obtained by simply buying enough gold and silver bullion, and a smattering of oil stocks, whereupon you will be rich beyond your most outlandish, extravagant dreams of gluttony when their prices soar, soar, SOAR thanks to the evil Federal Reserve creating so much excess currency and credit.

And all without actually doing any real work!  Just sit back and relax! Let the central banks do it all! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

And this always leads to the destructive action of angry, unemployed, hungry, bankrupted mobs that such a grotesque inflation in the money supply always — always! — produces.

As proof, ancient Egypt of the third century B.C. was finally ruined, according to Jean Philippe Levy in his book “The Economic Life of the Ancient World,” when the government had grown “omnipresent” and had unleashed a “whole army of inspectors” to combat inflation in prices by ruthlessly enforcing horrific price controls “at all levels.”

Perhaps this is why ChartoftheDay.com had a quote from Georg Hegel, a German philosopher from the early 18th century, who said, even way back then, “What experience and history teach is this — that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it,” by which he obviously means that “Earthling people are stupid, greedy and corrupt when they allow irresponsible expansions of the money supply when even a cursory look at the history of their own world for the last 2,500 years – even back to the Egyptian pharaohs, for crying out loud! — proves that this horrible result happens 100% of the time! It’s so obvious that even the Magnificent Mogambo knows it, spewing customary vitriol in response, and he won’t even be BORN for a couple of hundred years, for crying out loud!”

Tyler Durden of Zerohedge.com, perhaps thinking along the same lines, writes “To think that one can live without the lessons and principles of one’s ancestors is a disease – a mental disorder of the highest caliber. It is an insanity that leads to terrifying catastrophe.”

Now, I mean with all of this economic insanity, how could one NOT be on the teetering verge of some completely insane, pointless act of outrage and utter mindlessness, sort of like at the end of “Animal House,” only with more screaming and crying, and people wailing “We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)”?

Nervously, I go through my checklist. Got gold? Check. Got silver? Check? Got yummy frozen burritos and cookies? Check. Soon I was armed and armored, snacks at the ready, and thus ready to go!

I was, as usual, stymied at the door trying to figure out how one angry, heavily-armed little old man could fix anything at all by stupidly shooting the hell out of something that didn’t include my neighbor’s stupid garbage cans, or his stupid series of lawn ornaments, each more hideous than the last, as if they were rudely taunting me, saying “I’ll bet you can’t shoot me from all the way over there in your backyard!” and me saying “Oh, yeah? Want to bet, you stupid, ugly piece of paint and plaster?” and then, you know, chambering up a few rounds and Blam! Blam! Blam, followed by sirens. Cops.  Lawyers.  Judges. Psychiatric evaluations. Me screaming and crying “It’s not me, you fools! You are being destroyed by the Federal Reserve creating so much currency and credit to buy the debt of a disastrously deficit-spending, bankrupt Congress, and satisfy a gluttonous private sector up to its ears in debt! Arrest them, not me, you fools! I’m the guy who’s trying to stop this insanity, and beautify the city by destroying hideous garden gnomes at the same time!  I did us all a big favor! Can’t you SEE that?”

You know. The usual.

But this is not about frosty relations with neighbors, but about inflation in prices, caused by the foul, filthy Federal Reserve creating so much currency and credit, and how it causes one to “go ballistic.”  I bring this up because inflation in prices is The One Big Cause (TOBC) that economies and societies fall apart, as we are doing, and we are seeing it in spades in Detroit, where the price of government caused its collapse.

John Williams of Shadowstats.com figures (the old-fashioned way) that inflation in consumer prices is about, rounding off, 9 percent or so, to which one must add percentages of tax increases, which are not included.

Porter Stansberry, of the eponymous Stansberry & Associates Investment Research, notes that “inflation is found everywhere in our economy, except in the government’s statistics. Corn, the most important food crop in America, is up 75% since 2008. Gasoline is up from $2.25 a gallon to more than $3 a gallon – an increase of more than 30%. The nationwide minimum wage is up by 40%. Rents are up by 25% nationwide and up 40% in most urban markets.”

You could tell he was cautiously dancing around the delicate subject of inflation in the price of crunchy and delicious tacos, which is one of MY major pet peeves, and instead nervously continues “And my favorite example, the base price of a Ford F-150, the best-selling passenger vehicle in America, has gone from $18,225 to $23,670 – a 30% increase. That’s a domestically sourced and manufactured product… its price is completely dominated by the value of the U.S. dollar.”

Besides all that 9% inflation in price increases, now add tax increases!  Yes, taxes!

Why? Well, since it is true that price inflation is a “hidden tax,” and it is thus also true that higher taxes is inflation, too.  After paying higher prices for each, you have less cash than usual to spend on fun things, like tacos and pizza, which is the horror of price inflation.

Now, alarmingly, simple price inflation is increased by the estimated $500 billion in new and higher taxes (which is reported to be the biggest tax increase in American history, and is about 42 percent of $1.2 trillion in federal personal taxes) for 2013.

Add it up and you get some horrific inflation number that the human brain refuses to believe, abandoning rational thought and going, instead, into Screaming Mogambo Outrage And Fear Mode (SMOAFM).

What is more, inflation is there because every history, and every economic theory known to man, agree that prices of everything will rise when the money supply is rising.  Every one of them! Even John Maynard Keynes, the father of the ridiculous Keynesian economics and the insane idea of deficit-spending to counter economic downturns, said that prices would rise when the money supply rose.

Milton Friedman famously summed it up as “Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon.”

Already, ravenous vampire-hounds of an unleashed inflationary hell are drawing closer, closer, ever closer, and only the gleaming talismans of gold and silver can repel the slavering, nightmarish beasts of inflation that are coming to eat you alive, and hideously devour your family, and your friends, and the whole economy, and everyone who does not have the aforementioned gold and silver.

At least, that is the way it has always worked out Every Freaking Time (EFT) for the last 2,500 years, which leads me to strongly suspect that it will happen just that way this time, too.

And with the prices of gold and silver fraudulently manipulated down, they can now be bought for roughly their cost of production! Unbelievable! Inconceivable!

Ahhhh! I am certainly satisfied, and smile with a certain satisfaction at the satisfying certainty.

It’s not for nothing that I, and happy Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) around the world and throughout the cosmos, delight in buying gold and silver while saying “Whee! This investing stuff is easy, especially here on Earth, which my people call ‘maize’!”

I knew I had to do something. Anything. I just didn’t know what.

My problem was that my Fabulous Mogambo Plan (FMP) to be rich, very rich, filthy rich, obscenely rich by merely buying gold, silver and oil to prosper during the economic calamity caused by the evil Federal Reserve creating so catastrophically much excess currency and credit was not, alas, going as planned.

And although nobody at the cookout said anything, I could tell what they were all thinking. “Look at him eat like a pig!” they smugly thought to themselves. “And it’s a good thing we didn’t listen to that disgusting Mogambo idiot and put all our money in gold, silver and oil, like he is always lecturing us to do until we are sick of hearing it.  I mean, look at silver! It’s down by 50 percent! Gold’s down by a third! We’d have lost our fat butts if we had bought at the high!”

Stung by both being called a “disgusting pig” and having my unfortunate disability of “innate idiocy” mocked, I haughtily wiped BBQ sauce from my mouth onto my sleeve, took a long slug of beer and burped a couple of good ones to get everyone’s attention.

As I did so, I thought to myself, “How should I start putting some smarts into their puny Earthling heads? Maybe by saying something about Chris Powell, Secretary/Treasurer of the Gold Anti-Trust Action Committee, reporting that Tocqueville gold fund manager John Hathaway still writes a newsletter? This surprises me as much as it does you, because if I was as much of a big shot as the famous Mr. Hathaway, with enough smarts to be buying gold so that my financial future and my fund’s future were MORE than ‘taken care of’ by the aforementioned accumulation of gold and silver, I’d be playing golf somewhere sunny and nice with low humidity, perhaps with some beautiful young female caddy carrying my clubs and making goo-goo eyes at me while telling me how I am the best-looking golfer she ever seen in her whole 21 years of life, and texting one of my flunkies to write up a new newsletter for me, penned with my usual style but without my usual stupidity, a talent for which I’d hired him in the first place.”

Then I noticed — whoa! – that I was really off on a tangent here!  Where did all THAT come from? My original task was to cleverly rebut their erroneous thinking that The Marvelous Mogambo (TMM) was, just as they had suspected for a long time, just a raving, paranoid, gold-bug, Fed-hating, Constitution-hugging, sub-standard husband and father whose fabulous advice to buy gold, silver and oil against the inevitable price inflation and total ruination, caused by the foul Federal Reserve creating so much excess currency and credit, was as completely worthless as everything else about him, including his atrocious table manners and bad haircut.

Anyway, now back on track, I immediately thought back to Mr. Hathaway’s investor letter, wherein he “attributes the recent fall in the gold price to a bear raid by investment banks and hedge funds doing naked shorting.”

This is, in case you want to know, a scam used by the commodities markets, where large corporate entities sell “paper gold”, which is a paper contract to, theoretically, deliver gold in the future in exchange for cash today. With this slimy methodology, they can, for example, as suits their whim, dump a lot of new paper gold on the market by simply creating it out of thin air, drive the price down with a massive oversupply of contracts flooding the market, and then, (when the price is low), buy to cover the shorts, and then go long (buy gold contracts) with their profits, thus constricting the apparent supply of gold so that the price rises and they profit again.

You would think this scam would be of interest to market regulators, or the government, but they aren’t, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, it’s all academic to the physical gold market, as Mr. Hathaway notes “Gold was rarely, if ever, delivered to a buyer. Trades were settled in cash.”

The part that startled me the most, however, was when he said “The notional amounts of the transactions on many days exceeded annual mine production, absurd on the face of it.” Yikes!

An entire YEAR’S global production of something – anything! — could be traded in One Freaking Day (OFD)? OFD????

I knew my relatives would not appreciate the powerful use of four question marks as punctuation, a clever literary device I used to indicate that This Is An Important Question (TIAIQ).

Then I had an inspiration!

I said “Here’s a funny Dilbert cartoon I saw that is both funny and instructive! The pointy-haired boss asks Dilbert ‘Can you get me some failure estimates?’ on the project.

“Dilbert replies ‘I can if you like numbers that are based on hallucinated assumptions.’

“Then the PHB says, deadpan as usual, ‘I kind of do.’ Hahahaha!

“Don’t ya it?” I asked, almost incredulous at their lack of riotous response, instead of saying something like “Hahaha! Excellent! Tell us another!”

So I explained “Dilbert is the Federal Reserve, see? And he’s lying to us with ‘hallucinated assumptions’, used to ‘improve’ the precious inputs to the insane Keynesian econometric monstrosity that serves as an excuse to always create more currency and credit, which is the bankrupting, idiotic fiasco that has ruined the dollar, the economy and, by extension, the whole world, by increasing the money supply to allow the growth of such monstrous, ruinous, stupid unpayable debts and a gigantic cancerous blob of an economy that, to stop the creating evermore currency and credit, is to assure immediate total economic collapse! Which is guaranteed soon enough anyway!  We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!”

Well, after this clever and lucid explanation, I had hoped they would, you know, shout in joyous celebration at the revelation, or say something like “Well said, Wonderful Mogambo Master (WMM)!  And gladly reminiscent of the Universal Laws Of Economics (UNLOE) to which you are always alluding, proving how we Earthlings are the most stupid beings in this whole sector of the galaxy for committing economic suicide by expanding the money supply with fiat currency to accrue bankrupting debt and a grotesque, government-centric economy, and then not buying gold, silver and oil to protect ourselves!”

There was, instead, silence and some pathetic, nervous tittering amongst the relatives, with my wife slowly shaking her head, hiding her face in her hands in that classic pose of “Oh, no! Not again! Can’t we go anywhere without him making a big deal about how the Federal Reserve, and indeed all the other central banks of the world, created too much currency and credit to, as previously referenced in the preceding paragraph, accrue bankrupting debt and a grotesque, government-centric economy?”

Flustered, I stammered out the cartoon’s denouement, hoping that would help. “Then Dilbert says, also deadpan, ‘I think we have an understanding.’ Hahahaha!”

It didn’t help.

In desperation to save the situation, I said “Or how about this one? Dilbert hilariously says ‘We doubled our projected income by modifying our assumptions,’ whereupon Larry explains ‘A lot of this job is mental.’ Hahahaha! Changing the results by modifying assumptions! Hahahaha!

“Get it? Hahahaha! ‘It’s mental’ he says! Hahahaha! That’s how the Federal Reserve forecasts a vibrant, recovering economy when it’s obvious that’s a Big Fat Lie (BFL)!”

Total silence.

Apparently, they were not in the mood for economic wisdom, or in the mood for jokes, so my attempt to combine classical economics and humor was killed and left for dead.

But they are always in the mood to increase their burdensome debt loads to satisfy their habit of gluttonous over-consumption of consumer goods and services, so that they never have any money left with which to buy gold, silver and oil.

Too bad, too. Perhaps living through the near future, as an inflationary collapse ruins everything as it always does after such monstrous monetary excess, will teach them, whereas I have been manifestly unable to, despite my kind-hearted efforts to remind them of what total idiots they are for not buying gold, silver and oil.

Otherwise, they would already know “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website..

Copyright © 2013 Richard Daughty

Oddly enough, I am breathing heavily, my mighty heart racing boom, boom boom. My eyes dart nervously, seeing frightful dangers in every shadow. Trigger finger is twitching. Brain thinking about pizza.

The world outside of the Fabulous Mogambo Bunker (FMB) seems so sinister and scary, but only somewhat less so here inside it. This dismal disparity is proved, QED-like, by the fact that, despite the safety of steel-reinforced concrete, heavy firepower, stores of gold, silver, and cases of yummy frozen burritos and pizza (thin crust, with everything!), I am nevertheless still scared Out Of My Freaking Mind (OOMFM) by the unfolding horrifying economic collapse caused by the insanity of Keynesian economic theory, a ridiculous attempt to control the economy using incestuous equations without any acknowledgment of the concept of having too much debt, disastrously used for most of the entire last century to justify the creation of monstrous amounts of fiat money and credit, an idea stupidly adopted by the evil Federal Reserve and all the other lowlife central banks of the world, to finance a gluttonous, bankrupting orgy of government expansion and moronic private-sector mal-investments not stemming from true, self-sustaining demand and a stable money supply.

The proximate cause of my snarling, paranoia? Peter Coyne of DailyReckoning.com writes “In this year’s edition of their ‘10,000 Commandments’ report, the Competitive Enterprise Institute estimated that the cost to comply with federal regulations totaled $1.8 trillion last year. That’s more than the GDPs of Mexico or Canada and more than the receipts of all corporate and personal income taxes combined.”

Naturally suspecting a trap, I sarcastically note that he doesn’t mention the cost of complying with state and local regulations, which the Grandfather Economic Report reports, as of August 2011, as “$446 billion state & local government mandates.”

Calculating the same rate of increase as federal regulations, the burden of state and local overregulation must have expanded to around $505 billion by now, adding to a total cost of $2.305 trillion.

Mr. Coyle blithely ignores my mounting suspicion and deft calculator wizardry, and goes on to look at government spending, writing “If you add in the $3.53 trillion Congress spent last year, it makes the federal government account for more than 1/3 of the economy,” where, again, I note that he neglects to mention that total federal, state and local government spending in 2012 was $6.2 trillion last year, which does not include the $800 billion spent by the public schools, which adds to a tidy $9.305 trillion in One Freaking Year (OFY)! $9.305 trillion!

This is certainly a lot of money, and I would almost certainly have a lot of trouble spending that much cash over a long weekend, although I seem to be very good at it.

But, as you probably noticed by my sudden shift into Shrieking Paranoid Overreaction Mode (SPOM), it becomes even more, more, MORE outrageous when one considers that the entire GDP of the USA is only about $15 trillion!

This means that total government spending, school spending and cost of regulation is 62 percent – more than half! – of everything this country makes, buys and sells! More than half! Approaching two-thirds!!!

Reduced to sniveling discombobulation by this revelation and overuse of exclamation points, I am looking at my pathetic stash of gold and silver, thinking “Oh, no! I spent too little buying gold and silver! And I spent too much on guns, pizza, and golf, and spending way too much on the wife and kids who are still bleeding me dry with their current whining about needing new clothes when there is nothing – nothing! – wrong with their clothes that a little duct tape, or a stapler, can’t fix!”

Just then, my weary, bloodshot eyes fell across a quote from a guy named Andrew Maguire, and my mood instantly elevated, meaning either that the morning’s medications finally kicked in, or that I was going to be very, very rich despite my pathetic under-investment in gold and silver.

It was probably the latter, as the pills never really worked that well (just like I told my wife and the doctor, who both insist that I take them as prescribed and shut up about it), but mostly it was Mr. Maguire telling King World News that “Eastern Central banks have purchased a staggering 580 tons of physical gold in just the last 7 trading days. This means Eastern Central banks just purchased a stunning 25% of the world’s annual gold mine production in just 7 trading days. This was the largest purchase of physical gold during any 7 trading day span in history.”

In history! A history of gold that stretches back thousands of years, yet never before!

Despite being a lowbrow kind of dullard who just wants to be a very irresponsible rich guy, and drive some really snazzy car with a great paint job and powerful stereo, I know how supply and demand are equilibrated by price. Especially when considering this startling increase in demand for gold.

Additionally, as is usual in history at the end of long monetary booms, fraud, corruption and sleazy manipulation are rampant in the commodities market (just like in all markets and governments), but especially gold, which is why the price of gold has fallen so far so fast, taking silver down with it.

This means that gold and silver are grossly, fraudulently, impossibly undervalued to start with, but now with a startling statistic like “the largest purchase of physical gold during any 7 trading day span in history,” I shout with joy! “Gold and silver are going to the moon, baby! To the moon!”

After all, it’s not for nothing that I say “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” Whee!

The Best of Richard Daughty

It was at breakfast that I was explaining my new theory. It goes like this: Since behavior has now been shown to be a function of genetics, and therefore subject to evolutionary pressures, that explains how, when women get to be menopausal, women’s genes notice that it’s now obvious that their deadbeat husbands are not going to impregnate them anymore, and therefore wives ought to get rid of these losers and try, try again with some other guys to test her fertility.

Sometimes it works, and those women for whom it does will have more children on which to pass the last-chance-for-a-kid genes, thus increasing the breeding population with the gene, and those that don’t, don’t, and thus are gradually eliminated from the breeding population.

And the time-honored way, as evidenced by cave drawings of prehistoric men, to do that is to, Step One, drive the current husband away, or, failing that, kill him.

Step Two: Two to tango.

By this time I was pretty excited, imagining all the fame I will garner with my groundbreaking new Mogambo Shrewish-Wife Gene (MSWG), mentally glorying in all the honors I will win, and the rich emoluments in cash and benefits that I will command for a tour of sold-out speaking engagements. And maybe copyright it to, you know, maybe make a few bucks somehow!

And maybe – how wonderful! – I could do a spot on the Tonight show! I could segue to a bit about how the horrid Federal Reserve is creating so much currency and credit that we are doomed to disastrous inflation in consumer prices, which will be ruinous, but most disastrous to the pathetic pitiable poor, who are going to be made even poorer, which is the crying shame of it all.

“Wow!” I was thinking to myself. “This is going to be great!”

In all the excitement, I momentarily I lost my head, and in a disastrously candid continuation, went on explaining to my wife my wonderful new MSWG theory with “And that is why wives about your age start being such shrill shrews! And it explains why we men are always wrong about everything, and now we have to clean the damned bathroom, being hounded to death about it, every day you sweetly asking ‘Will you please, please, please clean the bathroom today for me like you promised, pretty please?’ and I say ‘Okay, okay, okay’, and I mean it, but then I get busy doing something else, and accidentally forget about it, like forgetting is some kind of big crime around here or something, and how a baseball pitcher can scratch his crotch on TV and it’s OK with everybody, but a guy can’t even scratch his crotch around his own freaking house without somebody complaining ‘Dear, do you HAVE to do that at the dinner table in front of guests?’, when, of course, I don’t obviously HAVE to scratch an itch at the dinner table, ya moron.”

Well, things went downhill pretty fast after that, but I figured that she’d settle down when the money started rolling in from, you know, the MSWG thing once some researcher proves it and I am declared a gigantic visionary genius in the field of evolutionary biogenetics.

Soon I was alone in the kitchen, as she had abruptly left the room in a huff, probably to get a divorce attorney, a new boyfriend or a gun. I didn’t know which, but as I waited to find out, I started reading a piece in the Wall Street Journal titled “Fed Policy Is A Drag On Recovery,” which seemed, at first glance to be a criticism of the Federal Reserve, which I love to read because I hate the Fed so, so, so much for causing the ruination of the United States by creating so much excess currency and credit that it financed the decades-long creation of a bloated, debt-addled, bankrupted, government-centric economy that will end in a huge inflationary, bankrupted mess.

It suddenly occurred to that, firstly and contrary to the title, I don’t think that the Fed has been a drag on the “recovery” at all!

In fact, the Fed has been wildly successful in keeping a monstrous, malignant moribund economy, and by extension the same silly crap all over the world in concert with most of the other central banks, from just disastrously imploding from the sheer, staggering, stupefying stupidity of creating So Freaking Much (SFM) currency and credit to finance a Frankenstein economy based on staggering consumer debt and massive government deficit-spending debt to support a vast welfare state, a monstrous military-industrial complex, and a massive, corrupt financial sector, which, taken together, IS the entire US economy.

Such absurdity means We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD), as evidenced by the fact that thousands of governments through the last 2,500 years have tried this selfsame “something for nothing” idiocy, and something Very, Very Bad (VVB) happened to every one of them, not the least of which is that they were bankrupted and ruined in the process.

And so, why not again, this time, as it has happened every other time, no matter what they tried and no matter what we try? But at least Bernanke delayed the inevitable! That’s his success!

Sadly, however, destruction will happen again this time because there is nothing new in the economic universe for the last few thousand years.

Economies have always been, and will always be, just a matter of a money supply, taxes and government spending, debt, and the interest rate, all determining (and this is the important point) how much things cost.

And WFD especially now that, in a harmony to the terrible, terrified chorus of all the tortured souls echoing down from out of the past who have endured the agony and horrors of higher prices thanks to a vastly increasing money supply and idiotic government, “So many more people are becoming poor these days, and the poor are getting even poorer, and they are getting surly about it! And they will continue to get poorer and more surly!”

Anyway, the essay looked to be interesting, as it was by David Malpass, who was listed as “deputy assistant Treasury secretary and legislative manager for the 1986 Tax Reform Act,” and who thus seemed to have the credentials to understand how the Federal Reserve and the federal government are in some kind of corrupt cahoots, in that the former creates crazy, huge amounts of money for the latter to spend in pea-brained pursuits and helping its sleazy friends keep solvent and out of jail.

And he does seem to understand it, too, only with a really muted style, like he is reporting “just the facts, ma’am” because he really needs his job because he has a mortgage to pay, two cars to pay for, kids in school, and credit-card debt out the wazoo, which means that he, as a writer commenting on the Federal Reserve, can’t just joyously jump up and say “The Mogambo was right! We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)! And so heed him when he says ‘Buy gold and silver, you morons, to richly benefit from the wisdom of the cosmos and the whole history of your own planet!’”

If this was a soap opera on TV, perhaps called “The Bold And Beautiful Mogambo Days Of Our Lives,” the plot would be that the lecherous, treacherous, profligate, spendthrift, backstabbing boss hires the desperate-to-please accountant, forcing him to commit accounting fraud to cover up the boss’s thieving shenanigans, while secretly stealing more for himself, too, so that he can hobnob with his sleazy accountant friends in Jackson Hole every year, all deathly afraid for their stinking jobs, too, desperately conniving to brazenly steal even more because things are going terribly awry and all are on the brink of utter disaster, and for which we will all pay a terrible price.

In the meantime, all the little accountants are dancing on our graves and living like kings! On vacation! In the mountains! Fresh air! Eating really good food! Room service! All you want, and all free! Free! Free!

So Mr. Walpass does not use any incendiary language like “The Federal Reserve is a corrupt bunch of computer-and-equations wankers who are the only ones that do not know that their econometric Keynesian nonsense about stimulus-spending is, to be perfectly frank, a whole lot of crap, and in reality we are almost bankrupted because of it.”

Nor does he go on “And a big deflation in assets, and a big inflation in consumer prices, are ahead of us, which is exactly what the Wonderful And Inestimable Mogambo (WAIM) has been screaming about for so long that his throat is hoarse and raw, actually spitting up blood in his righteous anger, his pudgy little stomach knotted in rage, an overwhelming anger reflected in his face, contorted by rage, and punctuated by specks of spittle flying out of his mouth as he bellows because he is so, so, so completely outraged.”

Instead, he calmly notes that “credit to the government grew 58%” between April 2008 and April 2012.

Up by 58 percent in 4 years! Up by more than half in 40 percent of a decade! This comes to an annual inflation rate in the size of government borrowing of 12.12 percent!

Alarming as that is, he notes that while there has been a big increase in government borrowing from the Federal Reserve over the years, there has “no creation of new money in the private sector”!

“What?!?” I bellowed in a state of disbelief and incredulousness, as the use of an interrobang as punctuation so richly indicates. “As soon as the government gets the avalanche of cash, it spends it, and all the currency flows right into the private economy! Nobody don’t need no mo’ stinking debt! There’s money coming from everywhere, dude!”

Sure enough, at FederalReserve.gov, they have a handy chart that says that the “Percent change at seasonally adjusted annual rate” for the M2 measure of the money supply in the last 12 months, April to April, was a hefty 7.1 percent (to a non-seasonally adjusted $10.597 trillion, the highest ever), and M1 (currency) was up 12 percent to a likewise non-seasonally adjusted-yet-likewise new record of $2.536 trillion! Yikes!

Now, I could go on and on about how so much cash is being created because it is necessary for a whole constellation of illegal activities like bribery, graft, drugs, prostitution and CIA black-ops, maybe like stoned prostitutes bribed to spy on me from invisible helicopters hovering over my house, but the point is that the money supply is expanding at a reckless clip, and if you are not buying gold and silver, then there is something very, very wrong with you.

Anyway, that is the way it has always – always! – been in history, thus a 100% certitude, which explains my rudeness, scorn and complete disrespect for any idiot NOT buying gold and silver in the face of the aforementioned 100% certitude of success.

After all: It’s not for nothing that people who ARE buying gold and silver say, as they do, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

The Best of Richard Daughty

Every time I hear somebody tell me that I am stupid, and that anybody who listens to me is stupid, and in fact they themselves feel stupid just standing next to somebody as stupid as I, I remind them that there is a lot of stupidity in the world. And I mean a LOT.

Just one of today’s samples of stupidity comes from Reuters, which opines that “China has limited room to use government spending and policy stimulus to boost its economy.” Hahaha! Says who? Hahaha!

It’s Theater of the Absurd! Hahaha! I mean, China has, like all advanced countries around the world, a fiat currency and a central bank that can create all the currency they want!

Hahahaha! I am not literally laughing my guts out, but I AM holding my aching stomach in laughter at the very thought – the very thought! – of a country comprising a third of the world’s population, with a fiat currency, a central bank and a command-and-control government that has limited powers in ANYTHING! Hahaha! “Limited room”! Hahahaha!

Wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes, I realized that, apparently, this is the author’s interpretation of China Premier Li Keqiang being reported as saying that “though the economy faces considerable headwinds and uncertainty, China should allow market forces to do their work.”

So, it ain’t inability, you doofus Reuters reporter! It’s Hayek versus Keynes! The Chinese know that Keynesian “stimulus” economic policy is not only stupid and (as admitted by Keynes himself) inflationary, thus disastrous, as opposed to the correct and intelligent Austrian School of economics, where market forces and a limited money supply kill price inflation and soon bring the economy into blissful alignment/ balance/ equilibrium, where every day is a sunny day, and everything is wonderful, if you can stand the pain of bad investments (thanks to banks and government acting stupidly) going bust, and thus wealth/land/plant/equipment is/are lost, as is necessary for Schumpeter’s “creative destruction” to free up resources to let the economy rise from the ashes of the aforementioned stupidity of the evil Federal Reserve and the corrupt, low-IQ government.

As a reporter for a respected news organization like Reuters, I would have thought that he would quote Pythraxis, an ancient Greek philosopher that I just made up because that is just the kind of spontaneous whimsy that gives the Mogambo Guru newsletter its ineffable charm, when he said “Increasing money is increasing prices, bankruptcy and ruination, a fact that I prophesy will be hammered home by the next 2,500 years of one idiot country after another doing it, to their ultimate dismay, culminating in the arrival of The Mogambo to trumpet such folly to no effect whatsoever!”

Well, as you might guess from a Chinese guy (a people said to be inscrutable), neither ancient fake Greek philosophy, The Mogambo nor the Austrian School of economics are overtly big in China, although the astute Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) can easily see that he said the Exact Same Thing (EST) when Li was even quoted as saying “If there in an over-reliance on government-led and policy driven measures to stimulate growth, not only is this unsustainable, it would even create new problems and risks.”

And one of the offshoots of fake Greek philosophers, the Austrian School of economics and my Loud Mogambo Mouth (LMM) is that you need to have a stable money supply tied to gold and/or silver, because only they have all the time-tested attributes that make money “money.”

Perhaps now you know why the Chinese are buying up so much gold – hundreds of tons of it at a crack, and more and more all the time! As are other peoples and central banks! – and why they are thus going to have a very strong currency, and why they are going to have a vibrant, self-sustaining economy based on real demand, instead of depending on the fake demand caused by both government deficit-spending and everybody borrowing themselves into bankruptcy to consume things.

And thus you also know why I say We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD), because what the future holds for we Americans, and all of the developed world’s economies that are in the predictable Humongous Economic Crapper (HEC) because of a half-century of these self-same, debt-addled, deficit-spending idiocies, is this: Rich Chinese tourists are going to buy up, on the cheap, all the land to build their luxury vacation homes, rich Chinese industrialists will come to marvel at our total destruction and buy land/plant/equipment on the cheap, and rich Chinese boys are going to come looking for wives from among the millions of American and European women who will be desperate for a rich husband since the American dollar and the Euro will have had their buying power destroyed, and thus they, like almost everybody else, are broke and desperate.

As for me, for one thing, I am going more often to Chinese restaurants! And when it comes time to pay the bill, I ask “Do you take American dollars?” When they say “Yes,” I laugh to myself and think “Suckers!”

And then I ask the owner of the restaurant if he is buying gold and silver with all the profits he is making from me, despite gorging myself at the buffet until I’m probably gonna puke, and if he says “no,” then I’ll know he is probably lying, the inscrutable little bastard, because the Chinese are buying gold at a breathtaking pace, and he is Chinese, so, I mean, YOU do the math.

To confirm my suspicions, I ask by “Do you ever say ‘Whee”?’” If he says “yes,” then I’ll know for sure if he is buying gold and silver, because you can’t buy gold and silver in response to the foul, filthy Federal Reserve creating So Stinking Much (SSM) excess currency and credit, and thus guaranteeing SSM inflation in prices, and thus guaranteeing SSM inflation in the price of gold and silver (when demand for delivery of gold and silver finally overwhelm the unbelievable corruption in the futures markets), without saying to yourself “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

The Best of Richard Daughty

I am getting more and more upset about the future of the economy, especially the part where I will probably still be alive to suffer through it, instead of being safely dead and gone, laughing disdainfully from whatever circle of Dante’s hell that is reserved for us lousy fathers, worthless husbands, lackluster employees and all-around lazy bastards.

“Hahaha!” I will bellow. “Now suffer! Suffer, you morons who actually believed that the idiocy of Keynesian economics would NOT end in disaster! From the heart of hell I strike at thee!”

As immensely satisfying as that schadenfreude will certainly be, the dismal fact is that I am still alive, and will live to see the horrendous price inflation, bankruptcy, misery, hunger, ruination and deprivation that always – for the last 2,500 years, anyway – follows episodes of idiotic countries running up unpayable debts, especially those who do so by gigantically increasing their fiat money supplies to pay for massive government deficit-spending.

Thus, being alive, I figure that I have to do something to make some cash while I am waiting for my little pathetic stash of gold, silver and oil (the famous Top Three Mogambo Picks For Wealth (TTMPFW)) to finish the cycle of criminal corruption and monstrous market-manipulation that is currently keeping their prices down, whereupon their prices will soar, allowing me to kick my natural lassitude into high gear by hiring legions of comely servants to cater to my every transient whim, as communicated to them by the mere raising of an eyebrow (“Bring me pizza!”) or subtle waggling of my little finger (“And a beer!”).

Alas, since I have no relevant education, personal initiative or hidden talents other than arrogant superciliousness and a towering-yet-completely-unwarranted conceit, I knew I was perfect for something in the vein of doofus Keynesian economists like Ben Bernanke of the Federal Reserve, or the laughable Paul Krugman of Princeton University and the New York Times.

Namely, I will combine the obvious with complete stupidity via mathematical equations to produce an excuse to meddle in things, making things predictably worse.

But what? What could I do?

Scratching my head in befuddlement, I was suddenly hit with inspiration! Phrenology! Yes, phrenology, which is the study of the bumps of a person’s head to determine the person’s personality and character.

Unlike Keynesian economics, phrenology has already been completely discredited, and only a real dimwit believes in either of them, but (I concluded) only because phrenology lacks the mathematical twist and an excuse for meddling!

Now, check this out for Sheer Mogambo Genius (SMG): Firstly, I measure the width and height of the bumps on the head, use calculus to determine their volumes, and combine the numerical results, in novel and mysterious ways, into some huge, bizarre theoretical monstrosity, like Keynesian econometric models.

Now here’s the genius part: Like the Federal Reserve’s corrupt championing of laughable Keynesian economics (instead of the Austrian School of economics, like they should because it is the only true economic theory), I similarly use Quantitative Easing by using a hammer to hit the patient’s head to increase the size of various bumps, or flatten out other bumps, changing their whole phrenology!

Then, it is all sunbeams and rosebuds from then on!

And, best of all, I’ll get The Big Bucks (TBB) for doing it! Fabulous!

Excitedly, I decided to test my new Fabulous Mogambo Phrenology Theory (FMPT). Using charts from the Internet, I located the “intelligence bump” on my own head, noting with dismay that its small size perfectly corresponded with my famously dim wit, perpetual confusion and drooling incoherence.

Now, giving myself a mighty “whack!” with the hammer on the aforementioned “intelligence bump,” I was delighted to see that my intelligence instantly increased! It was amazing!

After falling to my knees, head throbbing, slipping into and out of consciousness, I immediately and intelligently saw that 1) from now on I would experiment on the kids instead of myself, and 2) that permitting futures on financial products is a Gigantically Big Scam (GBS), because while shorting commodity futures, like corn, wheat and oil, cannot go to extreme measures by shorting because the actual supply of corn, wheat and oil are finite and must ultimately be delivered, the supply of financial products is infinite since it is no longer necessary to borrow an asset before selling it, or ever selling it at all!

You can just “make up” – literally out of thin air! – as much stock or debt as you want, and sell it!

And if you want to short a LOT of stocks or debt via selling futures, then you will automatically manipulate the market down, handing you a profit as your shorts go up in price, which is why gold and silver prices are so ludicrously low!

And since there is no limit to this, the financial markets can go to ludicrous heights or depths, especially – in spades! – since the Federal Reserve itself is now creating more and more fiat currency to buy equities, in addition to its already-ravenous buying of debt and financing the shorting of gold! Yikes! What a racket!

Thus I learned a third thing: forget phrenology! The big money, these days, is in running a legal scam in the futures markets because there is nothing to prevent it, and the Federal Reserve is not only providing the financing, but doing the same thing! So, pile on!

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking “Hey! The Mogambo doesn’t sound as stupid as he usually does! Maybe there IS something to this phrenology thing!”

If I wasn’t so stupid, I would probably understand the obvious insults, and maybe come up with some clever riposte.

Alas, I can only offer, for the thousandth time, the two pieces of Fabulous Investing Advice (FIA) that I am smart enough to understand.

Firstly, inflation in the prices of assets caused by a huge creation of fiat currency and credit will end in a bust.

Secondly, buy gold and silver. They are the only things you can count on in this increasingly-corrupt world, as amply evidenced by 2,500 years of history proving, over and over, that increasingly-corrupt markets and exploding fiat money supplies always result in collapse and complete ruination.

And with the commodity markets having no supervision or regulation as regards monstrous short positions in gold and silver, allowing these short-lived manipulations to drive down the prices of gold and silver to bargain-basement levels, one must conclude, with an giggle of glee, “Whee! This investing thing is easy!”

The Best of Richard Daughty

I was innocently watching TV with the family, suffering only a tolerable minimum of constant, simmering anger and paranoia about the horrific economic cataclysm that is descending upon us like a devouring plague because the world’s governments spent themselves into bankrupting debt, people and businesses of the world borrowed themselves into bankrupting debt, and central banks around the world created the irresponsible, impossible, incredible amounts of fiat currency and credit to finance it all.

But all that seemed so blissfully far away from the amusing antics of Andy of Mayberry when my face is suddenly, yet figuratively, slapped alert to the sad, sorry state of economics these days as my eyes fell across The Economist magazine, where it had flipped open to a page that had an article by David Autor of MIT, who postulates that computers and are robots replacing human labor and thus, all mysterious and Keynesian-like, shifting “the production function.”

As the Economist puts it, this “need not be bad news for workers” when they are laid off and abandoned to die of starvation and exposure because nobody needs strong-back/weak-mind workers these days at these labor prices when a robot can do it better and cheaper.

The funny part, if you like your humor veering to the dark “We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)” vein, is when the simpleton dork who wrote the article says “Firms may find it more attractive to invest in technologies that boost the productivity of less-skilled domestic labor, pushing up their wages”! Hahahaha! It’s beyond hahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA!

Taking a but a brief pause from laughing scornfully while making rude comments about everyone concerned with this travesty, hoping to catch my breath, I laugh anew – hahaha! – when I remember that the whole point of the exercise was to save the business money by replacing expensive labor with inexpensive robots, and yet the redundancy of excess labor is going to cause the companies to raise wages, making it MORE compelling to replace more labor with more technology? Hahahaha!

Well, it would be too, too funny if it were not so, so sad and dismaying.

I was likewise dumbfounded to learn, surfing through the news channels, that the actual statistic that the new Republican proposed budget “only” grows government spending by 3.5% per year, while the Democrats want 5% spending growth per year.

You can tell by the look of horror on my face that I am aghast that this minimum of 3.5% growth means that, at the end of ten years, the budget will be a whopping 41.5% higher than it is now! Almost bigger by half! In ten lousy years!

And, even more horrifying, since there is nowhere else from which that incredibly much currency and credit can come, the already-huge money supply and the already-bloated national debt will both be a LOT higher than that!!

The more astute of you will have, no doubt, noticed the use of the two exclamation points, a clever literary device I used to denote particular emphasis because the writer – me! – or, perhaps, the editor – surprise! Me again! – thinks that this is very significant, perhaps in the sense that the best we can do is monstrously increasing debt and the money supply by almost half again in Ten Lousy Years (TLY), resulting in huge, huge, HUGE inflations in the prices of some things, then in the prices of most things, then in the prices of all things, which is the horrific thing that makes it all fall apart, with much wailing and gnashing of teeth in addition to the widespread suffering, deprivation and misery caused by rapidly rising prices against relatively static (or falling) incomes.

But there is a bright side of the problem of the economy and the whole country being ruined, devastated by bankrupting price inflation that always follows such irresponsible monetary inflation. And that “bright side” is for you to buy gold, silver and oil now! As much as you can!

Even I, the Wonderful Mogambo Font Of Investing Genius (WMFOIG), am always impressed with the incandescent brilliance of this timeless investing advice.

So I was strutting around the place, real proud of myself, when I saw that Mike Maloney’s terrific “The Hidden Secrets of Money, Episode 1″ was released at his GoldSilver.com website, and I was in it! Me! I had, as we conceited Hollywood stars say, arrived!

There was, of course, some heated controversy whether I sounded more stupid than I really am, or vice versa, or equally stupid-looking and sounding, although the majority eagerly agreed that I came across as some old man who has lost both his marbles and his hair.

Of course, perhaps because I AM just some old man who has, indeed, lost both his marbles and his hair, I steadfastly believe everything that I know is true, such as letting the Federal Reserve create so impossibly much currency and credit (monetary inflation) will produce terrifying increases in consumer prices (price inflation).

Now, couple that timeless truism with the known fact that gold and silver, the only true historical monies, have always gone up in price when the currency involved in the transfer of ownership of the aforementioned gold and silver has lost purchasing power due to the likewise aforesaid over-issuance of currency and credit.

Thus after viewing the episode, my standard high level of enthusiasm for buying gold and silver, with which to capitalize, richly, on the coming high price inflation, was suddenly launched into overdrive, propelling me into a whole new dimension of terror, actually transcending urgency and panic, in some weird kind of wild, psychotic episode.

I figure that I got all “psycho” because, for one reason, that’s what people keep calling me because of my pronounced fear of price inflation, thus explaining my gold-bug and silver-bug proclivities, which compel me to wax ever more, and probably evermore, outraged about how the evil Federal Reserve is absolutely destroying the purchasing power of the dollar by creating too much fiat currency and credit with which to finance a bloated, cancerous, debt-addled, government-centric economy dying of morbid obesity and abject stupidity.

And for another reason, I would REALLY have to be a psycho screwball to even consider suggesting to my wife that we mortgage the house to the limit, sell the kids’ belongings on eBay, and hit up her friends and her parents for loans to get a big bunch of currency to buy more gold and silver – lots more! – because it is such a guaranteed, can’t miss, sure-fire, dead-bang winner of an investment!

I mean, look at the amounts of currency and credit that the foul Federal Reserve is creating so that the horrid federal government can spend it! And all the other large central banks of the world are doing the same thing! Horrors!

If gold and silver do NOT rise in terms of a devalued dollar, it will be the first time – the first time! – In All Of Freaking History (IAOFH) that the ruination of a currency by over-issuance did NOT result in roaring inflation in prices, with gold and silver rising supreme, soaring majestically over an economic landscape of destruction, ashes and suffering caused by the resultant terrifying inflation in prices, such that people starved to death, and froze to death, because the prices of food and energy were so high, and all the people got all real honked-off about it, and were rioting in the streets, and this time hopefully storming the Federal Reserve, taking over in a glorious bloodless coup to instantly put the USA back on the gold standard, to immediate effect as the dollar would probably instantly be so strong that we could import as much food and energy as we want at low, low, low prices, while the throngs gleefully shout “The Wonderful Mogambo (TWM) was right! We should have done this years ago!”

And the best part – the best part! – is that the gold and silver markets are corrupt and manipulated to keep their prices down! What a godsend! Cheap gold! Cheap silver!

Now, there are many things you can say about corrupt markets and the corrupt regulators who allow such corruption, and I have said most of them most of the time, but one you probably never thought of is “Thanks, corrupt market manipulators, and your regulator lackeys, for keeping the prices of gold and silver down so I can buy more at these laughably low prices!”

And that is just one – ONE! – of the many, MANY reasons why savvy investors, like you and Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) everywhere, buy gold, silver and oil, and say, whilst doing do, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

***Paranoia Alert: Enemies Everywhere, With Precious Metals Our Only Friends***

Okay, I admit I was, you know, kind of “over the edge” a little bit the other morning, but my wife interrupted me just as my raging madness was peaking, almost out of control, I mean really cranking loud and long that “Anyone NOT buying gold, silver and oil, Right Freaking Now (RFN), especially at these bargain-basement prices when the evil Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much (SFM) currency and credit that inflation in prices will rage out of control, is a complete and utter butthole who ought to be dragged in here, kicking and screaming, so that I can yell in their faces that they are, as previously stipulated earlier in this very same sentence, buttholes!”

That – that! – was when she gently tapped me on the arm and asked “Dear, did you take your pills this morning?”

Well, that’s the pivotal moment when I really lost it. Suddenly, in a kind of weird, out-of-body experience, I could see myself saying “No, I didn’t take my damned pills this morning! Why else would I be acting like this, you moron?”

Now, there are a couple of things that my wife doesn’t like, and one of them is me calling her a moron. Although I liked it when the kids snickered and tried not to laugh, so it wasn’t ALL bad, because usually they laugh when my wife is reminding me, with overwhelming embarrassing evidence, how I have, personally, been a moron.

Well, the morning started out innocently enough, but then I my bloodshot eyes fell across a quote from Steve Eichler, C.E.O. of TeaParty.org. He said “The efforts of tens of millions of Tea Partiers have inflicted a serious blow to the Washington bureaucracy and have helped to cripple the activities of global communists, slowing their American coup d’état.”

Being a proud, live-and-let-live libertarian, standing in awe of the profound wisdom of the Constitution of the United States, I am naturally revolted by the Democratic and Republican Parties. Thus, I am, by default, a Tea Party kind of guy.

So, understandably, this instantly got me going, abruptly accelerating to warp speed, spewing forth about Barack Obama, whose parents were both proud to be communists, and whose grandparents, with whom he grew up in the USA, proudly and openly called themselves communists.

“So,” I wondered aloud with a really deep, nasty tone to my voice, which is a signal meaning “Don’t dare disagree with me, or you will regret it, in that way the odious Gene Sperling threatened trustworthy and noble newspaperman Bob Woodward, only worse!”

Now going hyperbolic at a metaphorical Warp 8, I bellowed, with all the pent-up venom and vilest vituperation I could muster, stupid-yet-gratuitous alliterations notwithstanding, “So of course Obama has communist sympathies! He wants his mother to be proud of him, like everybody else! Why else would Obama raise taxes by eliminating the Bush payroll-tax cuts, and keep insisting on more taxes, now at the worst possible time? Whoever heard of trying to get out of economic and unemployment doldrums by raising taxes? Nobody! It’s stupid! As if the huge Obamacare is not going to be enough new taxes and economy-killing expenses ripped out of the economy as it is!”

My strong words rang loudly, echoing off the refrigerator, as my bellowing of outrage continued “Why now? Why now when the economy is circling the toilet bowl from years and years of mountains of new fiat currency created out of thin air to accumulate backbreaking, bankrupting debt to finance a misshapen, malignant, bloated government-centric economy not based on real demand, that is now dying of its own idiotic inflationary excesses, just like what happened every OTHER time in history when every OTHER dirtbag government and moronic populace tried this insane crap?”

“And,” my voice rising to a clashing, crashing crescendo of anguish and anger, “why else would Obama permit the Federal Reserve to monstrously create so much excess currency and credit so that we are doomed to crushing, terrifying inflation that will produce suffering and scarcity on a colossal scale that will destroy the USA?”

Actually rising from my chair in my overwrought heat, gesturing wildly with my arms, I thundered aloud, “Now you ask me why? Why? Hahahaha! I laugh scornfully!”

So you wanna know why? Then listen up, and I’ll tell you why! Vladimir Lenin, one of the inventors of communism, famously said “The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.”

And who is this bourgeoisie that Lenin hates so much? It translates as the middle class!

I must have been screaming so loud that it was heard at Zerohedge.com, as they write “as Bloomberg’s Richard Yamarone summarizes, the consumer health picture in January was ‘grim’ and ‘after adjusting for inflation and taxes, is simply insufficient to sustain the expansion.’”

How much taxes does it take to make a millstone with which to grind the bourgeoisie? The government already taxes away, in one way or the other, almost a full third of GDP. So I figure it is probably around here, someplace.

And how do you get a millstone of inflation? From increasing the money supply, as is clearly explained by Milton Friedman, who famously said “Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon.”

So how much money is being created? Tons of it, as seemingly unbelievable as that sounds, but how else to describe the fact that in the 28 short days of February 2013, starting with $16,433,791,850,294.04 of national debt on February 1, the debt had grown, by February 28, to $16,687,289,180,215.37, making for a staggering, heart-stopping difference of a whopping, eye-popping, head-stomping $253.5 billion of new government debt! In 28 lousy days! A quarter of a trillion bucks!

I am aghast! Another $253.5 billion of new debt, and thus undoubtedly another $253.5 billion in new currency pouring into the economy to bloat the money supply, in ONE FREAKING MONTH (OFM)! OFM!!

Please note the use of two – count ‘em, two! – exclamation points which provide particular emphasis, which is a vital clue that there is something seriously, seriously amiss here.

“So,” you are probably wondering, “exactly how much more taxes and over-regulation are coming, and how much inflation, which together are the two millstones to grind up the middle class to crush it?”

Don’t ask. For one thing, as the quote goes, “You can’t handle the truth.”

Just be afraid. Ruination is coming because it mathematically must, thus explaining why every other instance of this “create lots and lots of money” insanity ended Just That Way (JTW).

Except for – except for! – the people who owned gold, silver and energy. These intelligent, educated people always made out wonderfully when their prices rose to astronomical heights, which they did because the purchasing power of the currency fell so low due to such massive over-issuance of it by, in our case, the horrid Federal Reserve, with which they turned around and used to directly buy new government debt (“monetizing the debt”), which is a monstrous monetary mistake of such horrific proportions that, as Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Charles C. reminds me, We’re Freaking Doomed WFD!

Perhaps this is why the ancient Romans said, or could have said, or would have said, if they used the same English-to-Latin dictionary I did to cobble something together, “Aureus, argentum atque oleum”, which translates directly as “Gold, silver and oil.”

Thus one can argue, with iron-clad logic:

1. To buy gold, silver and oil when your government is allowing the money supply to constantly increase has been Extremely Good Advice (EGA) since before the time of the Romans.
2. It has now been proved by the rigors of modern statistical methodology that if something happens every time over thousands and thousands of trials, then the probability of it happening this time is 100%.
3. Thus, you gotta conclude “Aureus argentum atque oleum to the moon, baby! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

***Paranoia Alert: Enemies Everywhere, With Precious Metals Our Only Friends***

Okay, I admit I was, you know, kind of "over the edge" a little bit the other morning, but my wife interrupted me just as my raging madness was peaking, almost out of control, I mean really cranking loud and long that "Anyone NOT buying gold, silver and oil, Right Freaking Now (RFN), especially at these bargain-basement prices when the evil Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much (SFM) currency and credit that inflation in prices will rage out of control, is a complete and utter butthole who ought to be dragged in here, kicking and screaming, so that I can yell in their faces that they are, as previously stipulated earlier in this very same sentence, buttholes!"

That — that! — was when she gently tapped me on the arm and asked "Dear, did you take your pills this morning?"

Well, that's the pivotal moment when I really lost it. Suddenly, in a kind of weird, out-of-body experience, I could see myself saying "No, I didn't take my damned pills this morning! Why else would I be acting like this, you moron?"

Now, there are a couple of things that my wife doesn't like, and one of them is me calling her a moron. Although I liked it when the kids snickered and tried not to laugh, so it wasn't ALL bad, because usually they laugh when my wife is reminding me, with overwhelming embarrassing evidence, how I have, personally, been a moron.

Well, the morning started out innocently enough, but then I my bloodshot eyes fell across a quote from Steve Eichler, C.E.O. of TeaParty.org. He said "The efforts of tens of millions of Tea Partiers have inflicted a serious blow to the Washington bureaucracy and have helped to cripple the activities of global communists, slowing their American coup d'état."

Being a proud, live-and-let-live libertarian, standing in awe of the profound wisdom of the Constitution of the United States, I am naturally revolted by the Democratic and Republican Parties. Thus, I am, by default, a Tea Party kind of guy.

So, understandably, this instantly got me going, abruptly accelerating to warp speed, spewing forth about Barack Obama, whose parents were both proud to be communists, and whose grandparents, with whom he grew up in the USA, proudly and openly called themselves communists.

"So," I wondered aloud with a really deep, nasty tone to my voice, which is a signal meaning "Don't dare disagree with me, or you will regret it, in that way the odious Gene Sperling threatened trustworthy and noble newspaperman Bob Woodward, only worse!"

Now going hyperbolic at a metaphorical Warp 8, I bellowed, with all the pent-up venom and vilest vituperation I could muster, stupid-yet-gratuitous alliterations notwithstanding, "So of course Obama has communist sympathies! He wants his mother to be proud of him, like everybody else! Why else would Obama raise taxes by eliminating the Bush payroll-tax cuts, and keep insisting on more taxes, now at the worst possible time? Whoever heard of trying to get out of economic and unemployment doldrums by raising taxes? Nobody! It's stupid! As if the huge Obamacare is not going to be enough new taxes and economy-killing expenses ripped out of the economy as it is!"

My strong words rang loudly, echoing off the refrigerator, as my bellowing of outrage continued "Why now? Why now when the economy is circling the toilet bowl from years and years of mountains of new fiat currency created out of thin air to accumulate backbreaking, bankrupting debt to finance a misshapen, malignant, bloated government-centric economy not based on real demand, that is now dying of its own idiotic inflationary excesses, just like what happened every OTHER time in history when every OTHER dirtbag government and moronic populace tried this insane crap?"

"And," my voice rising to a clashing, crashing crescendo of anguish and anger, "why else would Obama permit the Federal Reserve to monstrously create so much excess currency and credit so that we are doomed to crushing, terrifying inflation that will produce suffering and scarcity on a colossal scale that will destroy the USA?"

Actually rising from my chair in my overwrought heat, gesturing wildly with my arms, I thundered aloud, "Now you ask me why? Why? Hahahaha! I laugh scornfully!"

So you wanna know why? Then listen up, and I'll tell you why! Vladimir Lenin, one of the inventors of communism, famously said "The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation."

And who is this bourgeoisie that Lenin hates so much? It translates as the middle class!

I must have been screaming so loud that it was heard at Zerohedge.com, as they write "as Bloomberg’s Richard Yamarone summarizes, the consumer health picture in January was u2018grim' and u2018after adjusting for inflation and taxes, is simply insufficient to sustain the expansion.'”

How much taxes does it take to make a millstone with which to grind the bourgeoisie? The government already taxes away, in one way or the other, almost a full third of GDP. So I figure it is probably around here, someplace.

And how do you get a millstone of inflation? From increasing the money supply, as is clearly explained by Milton Friedman, who famously said "Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon."

So how much money is being created? Tons of it, as seemingly unbelievable as that sounds, but how else to describe the fact that in the 28 short days of February 2013, starting with $16,433,791,850,294.04 of national debt on February 1, the debt had grown, by February 28, to $16,687,289,180,215.37, making for a staggering, heart-stopping difference of a whopping, eye-popping, head-stomping $253.5 billion of new government debt! In 28 lousy days! A quarter of a trillion bucks!

I am aghast! Another $253.5 billion of new debt, and thus undoubtedly another $253.5 billion in new currency pouring into the economy to bloat the money supply, in ONE FREAKING MONTH (OFM)! OFM!!

Please note the use of two — count u2018em, two! — exclamation points which provide particular emphasis, which is a vital clue that there is something seriously, seriously amiss here.

"So," you are probably wondering, "exactly how much more taxes and over-regulation are coming, and how much inflation, which together are the two millstones to grind up the middle class to crush it?"

Don't ask. For one thing, as the quote goes, "You can't handle the truth."

Just be afraid. Ruination is coming because it mathematically must, thus explaining why every other instance of this "create lots and lots of money" insanity ended Just That Way (JTW).

Except for — except for! — the people who owned gold, silver and energy. These intelligent, educated people always made out wonderfully when their prices rose to astronomical heights, which they did because the purchasing power of the currency fell so low due to such massive over-issuance of it by, in our case, the horrid Federal Reserve, with which they turned around and used to directly buy new government debt ("monetizing the debt"), which is a monstrous monetary mistake of such horrific proportions that, as Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Charles C. reminds me, We're Freaking Doomed WFD!

Perhaps this is why the ancient Romans said, or could have said, or would have said, if they used the same English-to-Latin dictionary I did to cobble something together, "Aureus, argentum atque oleum", which translates directly as "Gold, silver and oil."

Thus one can argue, with iron-clad logic:

1. To buy gold, silver and oil when your government is allowing the money supply to constantly increase has been Extremely Good Advice (EGA) since before the time of the Romans.
2. It has now been proved by the rigors of modern statistical methodology that if something happens every time over thousands and thousands of trials, then the probability of it happening this time is 100%.
3. Thus, you gotta conclude "Aureus argentum atque oleum to the moon, baby! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.

The Best of Richard Daughty

It all started at breakfast, as seemingly usual these days. One of the kids noticed, no doubt by the bizarre-yet-angry way I was acting, that I was, perhaps, more out of sorts than usual. So you can see that that morning had a lot of, for want of a better word, the usual.

So I said "You would be grumpy, too, if your brilliant investments in gold were cold and shivering in the chilly silence in the lackluster gold market, where the glimmering gold price hasn't gone anywhere for a year or more, depending on how you measure it, or even bother to look it up because you are too damned lazy and irresponsible to actually try to find out."

And, as part of my own personal hell, my computer died, too, and all my Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) was gone because I did not back up the data, like I should have, but didn't, the reason for which was previously explained in the immediate paragraph above, which, in case you are too lazy and irresponsible to re-read the referenced paragraph, says that I am lazy and irresponsible.

Well, in my own defense, I admit that to the casual observer the term "lazy and irresponsible" seems wholly appropriate.

But a closer examination reveals Secret Mogambo Reason Number Four (SMRNF), which is that I am merely, but bravely, saving my Super Mogambo Brain (SMB) for bigger and better things, such as writing my Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC), so as to be of helpful service to my fellow man, making us prosperous and putting the country — and world! — on secure economic footing based on gold.

Maybe winning some kind of award for my selfless devotion to humanity, hopefully one that has a large cash prize!

I mean, it is obvious that the Austrian School of economics is proved — again! — to be the only true economic theory in the universe, a profound fact found in deciphering the ancient Sacred Mogambo Scrolls (SMS), left here long ago, in the misty and mysterious past, by a strange visitor from outer space imparting profound wisdom, but which surprisingly never caught on as a basis for economic policy, despite it being obviously true with cosmic significance, but which is a sorry reality that I ascribe to the fact that the same "good economic sense" thing can be found, free, at Mises.org, illustrious home of Austrian School of economics in the good ol' USA, whereas I charge The Big Bucks (TBB) in what is just another obvious scam of mine that nobody ever falls for.

So my daughter helpfully says "Well, why don't you just write the usual stuff you write, or maybe take an English class to learn how to write, and then maybe your stuff won't be Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) anymore, and instead it could be Intelligent Mogambo Crap (IMC)! Wouldn't that be nice?"

I was, of course, by nature of my inherent stupidity and raging paranoia, probably DNA-related so it's not my fault, instantly suspicious and cynical: I could see right through her fatuous, flimsy facade, her charming, sunny optimism and beaming smile that seemed a little, you know, too forced, you know what I mean?

So I knew that she was putting on an act, probably wanting something from me, like currency, handfuls of it, or whining for me to please spend "time" with her, and be a real "father and daddy" to her, and to please be nice to her stupid friends and her retarded hoodlum boyfriends, and all the rest of that mushy crap of fatherhood that I never really got the hang of.

Since they say that "actions speak louder than words," I thought I'd test her phony-baloney Pollyanna attitude by flicking a Cheerio at her and see how much "happy, helpful crap" she'll have then!

In my mind, I am already thinking how to say, when it hits her (hopefully) on the forehead, "Hahaha! He who laughs last laughs best!" and to, for some reason, probably in retaliation for her treachery and falsity, and trying to get on my good side for some nefarious reason, scornfully add loud, mocking tones, as if I was, again, as I always do, rudely and insultingly mocking anybody that stupidly thinks that roaring, terrifying inflation in the prices of something, then some things, then everything, will not occur, even though it always has, in all of history, when some stupid government allowed, or more-often-than-not demanded, this kind of "create crushing carloads of currency and credit" kind of idiotic thing.

And so how can one NOT be buying gold, especially given the current vogue of "create currency and credit by an astounding, astonishing, preposterous 10% of GDP if you want to, catastrophic inflation and certain ruination be damned!"?

And how could one NOT be buying gold, silver and oil when the, as I said, "evil and compliant", Federal Reserve is calamitously, colossally creating, both today and continuously for the whole last quarter of a freaking century, So Stinking Much (SSM) money that even newborn babies, whose first glimpse of the scary, mystifying real world comes when it looks out from its warm swaddling clothes (probably a disposable blanket made with something recycled) at the massive, back-breaking, bankrupting debt already accrued to them — at birth! — by a corrupt, low-IQ government encumbering whole future generations, and all financed by the aforementioned evil and compliant Federal Reserve creating currency and credit out of nothing except a few computer bytes, cry?

And how could they NOT be buying gold, silver and oil when the evil and compliant Federal Reserve is now "monetizing the debt" — the biggest of all the Big. Bad Economic Sins Of Monetary Policy (BBESOMP) — by creating the currency and credit with which to buy new government debt? Insane!

Beyond insane! It's diabolical!

Ben Bernanke is Satan! You heard it here first!

Well, let me say that I don't really believer that Ben Bernanke, chairman of the evil and compliant Federal Reserve, is actually the devil, but it would sure explain a LOT of things! Hahaha!

I can hear you muttering to yourself "What in the hell is this Big Moron Mogambo (BMM) talking about? This is stupid!"

Or perhaps you are thinking "Is he ever going to get to the point? IS there a point to this Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC)? And did he ever hit her forehead when he used his spoon to flick a Cheerio at her, all soggy with milk and perfect for sticking to skin such as found on a forehead?"

The answer to the first question is "Yes, I am going to get to the point!" and the answer to the second question is "I am talking about you getting up off your fat ass, go somewhere to buy some gold and silver (especially silver!) to save your sorry butt from the financial and economic ruination of the severely bloated, rotting carcass of America's mal-invested economy when inflation in prices tears it apart through pandemic suffering and starvation, and the bankruptcy of everybody except people who own gold, silver and oil, all because the evil (and compliant) Federal Reserve has created, and is creating, so staggeringly much, so terrifyingly much, so catastrophically much, currency and credit. THAT'S what I am talking about!"

The answer to the third question is "no", I did not flick a Cheerio at her because, before I took the shot, I realized to my horror that I did not have enough ammo to repulse a counterattack, as I only had a few Cheerios left in my almost-empty bowl, whereas she had a lot! Milk, too!

The point is not that I am a brilliant military tactician, but that, I mean, how can one NOT be buying gold, silver and oil at these bargain prices, knowing that there is a LOT of inflation in prices ahead? How can one person, especially one of our country's vaunted "economists", be so laughably ill-educated, so impossibly stupid, so ridiculously inept as to NOT be flogging the virtues of owning gold, and a gold-standard dollar, with every breath?

Divining the human mind is, of course, impossible, and lots of things are hideously complex.

But there IS one easy thing. It was astonishingly revealed when the Sacred Mogambo Scrolls (SMS) were deciphered. Basically, when the money supply is expanding, things will cost more because there is nowhere else for the money to go except into competing for the relatively static supply of goods and services, driving up the prices of some things, then most things, and then everything.

Also found in the SMS, you will be interested to know, is the Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), the secrets of which I will reveal to you if you will merely, and discretely, send me a thousand bucks, all of it in used, non-sequential hundred-dollar bills, sent to me in a brown wrapper, with correct postage and no return address, and addressed to "Occupant."

If you are still here, reading, wondering "What in the hell was THAT?", it means either that you recognize the obvious scam, or otherwise not interested in my fabulous offer to impart to you, in exchange for a mere modicum of cash, the Immortal Wisdom Of The Mogambo (IWOTM) and its Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW).

In that case, it won't do any harm to tell you, anyway.

Buy gold, silver and oil. Why? Well, The first two, gold and silver, because that's the way it has always worked out, in all of history, for the last 2,500 years, with particular emphasis on "always."

The oil? Because the way things work these days, without oil, nobody eats.

And what is oil worth in terms of the devalued dollar, thanks to the evil and compliant Federal Reserve, a corrupt institution that has already devalued the dollar by a whopping 97% of its purchasing power since 1913 by creating so much new money to act as lapdog lackey to the stupid, delusional, corrupt, treacherous, lying, profligate, self-absorbed Congress borrowing hideous amounts and spending us into well-deserved bankruptcy, and thus desperately needing the cash that the Federal Reserve creates?

So buy gold, silver and oil! It's all just that easy! As is proved by the Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), now selling at a 50% discount price of only five hundred bucks. Act now!

It's all so easy, in fact, that you will probably think to yourself "Whee! This investing stuff IS easy! I'm glad I didn't waste five hundred clams by buying that stupid Mogambo Easy Way To Wealth (MEWTW), even at "fifty percent off", giving me another five hundred smackeroos in hand with which to buy more gold and silver now! Whee!"

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.

The Best of Richard Daughty

The whole distressing thing is a big stink about nothing. It started because of The Economist magazine, which unfortunately tends towards that whole ridiculous Keynesian crapola, but which nevertheless, and, I might add, quite paradoxically, had a very interesting article buried on page 75 titled “New Model army,” with the subheads “Economics after the crisis” and “Efforts are under way to improve macroeconomic models.”

First off, I immediately involuntarily laughed the famous Mogambo Laughter of Scorn And Contempt (MLOSAC) at this stupidity of “improving macroeconomic models,” my voice dripping with undisguised scorn and contempt, as is implied in the title, which was, in case you forgot, Mogambo Laughter of Scorn And Contempt (MLOSAC).

Continuing with this seemingly pointless narrative, I laughed and laughed and laughed beyond the point where I was still actually amused at the idea of the government allowing changing the Keynesian strangle-hold on the economy, until I was finally reduced to loudly dyspeptic chortling, and with an additional angry, sarcastic, altogether snotty tone to my voice, going “Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw!”

This guffawing, for some reason, was upsetting to everyone at the office, and they were saying hurtful things like “Shut up! I’m on the phone here!” and even my own boss was yelling “Die, you Irritating Mogambo Bastard (IMB)!”

Apparently (and this is the crux of the matter) there are threats of lawsuits over alleged flecks of flying spittle, referred to by the Plaintiffs as Icky Mogambo Cooties (IMC), all according to entirely baseless allegations where evidence is sketchy — at best! — beyond the dozen eye-witnesses and those pesky video recordings which have CLEARLY been altered, by a person or persons unknown, to discredit me.

I cannot wait to argue my case in court, where my razor-like, legal-eagle razzle-dazzle will skewer the flimsy case of the whiny Plaintiffs, and expose them for the ridiculous, libelous and litigious morons that they are, which I will easily prove by dragging them to the witness stand, by the hair if necessary or if opportunity arises, and asking each of them, under oath, “Have you been smart enough to have been buying gold and silver bullion as part of your investment strategy to protect yourself against the terrifying, ruinous inflation in prices that will inevitably result from the insane levels of inflation in the money supply created by the Federal Reserve so as to feed the gulping, all-devouring gullet of the enormous, bloated, twisted, sick federal government?”

They will, of course, all tearfully admit under the relentless pummeling of my pointed questioning that no, they did not buy gold and silver bullion, and they are ashamed.

As an aside, this is to be expected because they are members of “the majority of people,” and there is an Iron Law Of Investing (ILOI), as in “inescapable mathematical imperative,” that dictates that the majority of investors MUST be wrong most of the time, making them sure losers over the long term.

Otherwise, you would have the mathematical near-impossibility of a small minority of investors losing enough money most of the time to make winners of the vast majority of investors over the long term! Think about it and say “Whoa! Ain’t nobody that stupid!”

Pounding home the point, I would angrily bang my fist against the table, and ask the terrified witnesses “If the majority of investors were actually right, from where could their profits come, except from the small minority of investors who, boggling the mind, were monumentally wrong most of the time over the long haul? And to also pay the enormous fees, charges, and expenses of the legions of middlemen and the relentless taxes of a ravenous government? Huh? Where? From where do you think the money could possibly come? Answer me, puny Earthling! Resistance is futile!”

At about this time in my brilliant legal defense, the way I figure it, is when the judge is screaming for the Bailiff to haul me away and put me in jail where I never again get to eat delicious beef tacos, with their crunchy corn tortillas proving the perfect wrapping for a full layer of crisp, cool lettuce and delicious sour cream, plus a sweet salsa, whereupon I will wake up in a cold sweat, and then realize with a note of relief that I was dreaming the whole time, I am not really a lawyer, and the only things I know about law are from watching old episodes of Perry Mason on TV (“Objection, your Honor! This testimony is incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial!” “Objection sustained!” says the judge).

Anyway, the reason for my laughing so uproariously in the first place is that any “improvement” in the current Keynesian econometric stupidities will only be “allowed” if the “New! Improved!” models show a gnawing need for even MORE insane creations of money and credit, and a bigger and bigger government to regulate more people and businesses, and an even bigger and bigger government to help more and more people! Hahahaha!

Look! I’m laughing again! Hahahaha!

The Economist magazine blithely ignores my cruel taunting and disrespectful jibes, and continues merrily along, as if I don’t even exist, gliding over the fact that Keynesianism is a complete, total failure, and merely noting that it is a real dud because it does not reflect “the financial system accurately, nor allow for the booms and busts observed in the real world.”

The big problem is that the whole basis of Keynesian theory rests on the idea that economies and economic actors seek equilibrium, when any idiot knows that systems inexorably tend towards disequilibrium and chaos, as in obeying the laws of entropy, and it takes energy to keep that collapse from happening, which is, of course, the opportunity for successful capitalism.

The first job of these patch-’em and fix-’em guys is to, surprisingly then, “put banks into the models”! Hahaha! I thought they were already in there! Who knew, huh? Hahaha!

The reason, The Economist magazine explains, that banks are NOT already in the stupid neo-Keynesian econometric models is because “macroeconomists thought of them as a simple ‘veil’ between savers and borrowers, rather than profit-seeking firms that make loans opportunistically and may themselves affect the economy.” They did? Where have they been for the couple of last decades? Hahaha! Dorks!

And because I desperately want to know, exactly how DOES one mathematically describe the variable functions of banks making loans variously opportunistically, and variously in response to new and various governmental regulations and/or tax law, variously affecting the economy, especially when the foul Federal Reserve (a bank!) is permanently at the heart of it, purposely creating variously monstrous amounts of excess money and credit to satisfy the always-insatiable, gluttonous, ravenous appetite of the federal government for deficit-spending nigh unto bankruptcy and inflationary economic collapse?

Thus we learn that, if life was fair, this is where The Economist magazine would have put in a quote from me, perhaps along the lines of “The Marvelous And Wonderful Mogambo (TMAWM) is quoted as saying ‘People who believe this preposterous neo-Keynesian econometric crap are morons, and I say this without fear of contradiction because it is blatantly obvious that it is not remotely possible to create such a monstrous huge clot of equations and their bastard derived-and-substituted offspring — with the laughable precision of three decimal places, for crying out loud! — about something as grossly inexact as human behavior that didn’t have so incredibly much error built into every tiny piece of it that any real information — if any! — is immediately drowned out by the deafening statistical noise in such a bizarre, error-multiplying, iterative system, especially one that is That Freaking Big (TFB).’”

On the other hand, one can dispense with the dismal failure of all of that silly Keynesian hocus-pocus, and the expensive computers needed to run it, by just making the dollar be gold so that the money supply is fixed, let the government die and take its onerous, crippling tonnage of regulatory burden to hell with it, let the free market and sound money take care of business, and everything will be fine, to which I say “Hahahaha!” and let go with a hearty guffaw or two if you think that the government is going to allow that! Hahaha! Guffaw! Guffaw!

Since that is NOT going to happen by a long shot, to protect oneself from the coming financial disaster, one need merely do the One Smart Thing (OST), which is to buy gold and silver bullion, as is proved by thousands of years of history, replete as it is with governments containing the selfsame traitorous treacheries as the horrid Nancy Pelosi (“Let’s all hurry up and vote for the Obamacare bill so that we can find out what’s it!”), which is the horrifying history of governments and peoples doing these same, sad, silly, suicidal stupidities that have now killed us today, as in “We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD).”

And with One Smart Thing (OST) having a fabulous 100% successful track record like that, how can one NOT buy gold and silver bullion, and oil stocks, too, and then chortle with a gleeful, gloating self-satisfaction while doing so?

The while the use of the phrase “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” whilst doing so is, of course, entirely optional, you take it from me, and from Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) around the world and in this whole quadrant of the galaxy, that it feels so wonderfully good, to finally be a guaranteed winner for a change, that the words just seem to come tumbling out.

Whee, indeed! Whee!

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.

The Best of Richard Daughty

Higher taxes for millionaires? First ask yourself "How did they become millionaires?" Then ask yourself "If I’m so smart, how come I’m not a millionaire, too?"

Well, if this helps, I have noticed that one of the differences between us slovenly proletariat trash and millionaires is that they seem to have a lot of perfect teeth and nice haircuts. So, if you have nice teeth and hair, the data apparently shows that you’ve got it made, so relax! Haha!

If you don’t have these, however, you will need to do it the appropriately-named "hard way", which brings up one Big Important Difference (BID) between us busted-out lowlife dimwits and the millionaires: We spent our money on pure gluttonous consumption, and had a wonderful time for a surprising number of years by virtue of racking up suffocating amounts of debt, whereas millionaires got their millions from profitably (as in compounding the money borrowed from a bank) investing their money in productive, profitable businesses, like making money by making things, or by mining things, or making money merely handling whole oceans of money, or making money by running this towering, engulfing deluge of money created by the evil Federal Reserve through some Wall Street scam, con job, bamboozle or 401(k), or in any of the rest of the gigantic financial services industry which produces, as best I can remember instead of researching it to find out, about 40% of all the profits made in America.

You no doubt noticed that I surprisingly did not use an exclamation point to emphasize such a huge, glaring fact that is destroying this country with some silly, low-IQ, pie-in-the-sky crap about how investing all your retirement money in the stock market is such a good idea when in fact — in fact! — it is a mathematically a guaranteed — guaranteed! — loser for the vast majority of trusting, gullible and embarrassingly ignorant people who are stupid enough to think that putting all their money, and their entire financial future, into the general stock market is a "good idea" despite a complete lack of successful historical examples, common sense and the mountains of evidence to the contrary, when, alas, it isn’t, as the evidence had already proved, so it’s weird anyone would do it.

Anyway, I remember when I found out that investing long-term in stocks is a Big Time Loser (BTL) for the vast majority of people, and a Small Time Loser (STL) for almost everybody else.

For me, it was the Five Stages of Shock. First, I was in denial, then, in the Second Stage, I was angry, then I was depressed, then I was angry again, then more angry, and then violently angry and scared out my Mogambo Freaking Mind (MFM), where I remain today.

And it’s especially bad when dividends from owning stocks are taxed so highly. We’re the highest taxers of dividends in the world!

Forbes magazine posted a blog by Austin Johnson on the new changes in taxes on dividends. The top corporate rate on the dividend is now 39.6%. The recipient of a dividend, if in the top tax bracket, is taxed at 39.6%, too, plus another 3.8% (the new Medicare tax), for a whopping combined tax rate of 65.8l%!

And if you just stupidly add up the tax rates, it comes to an 83% tax! This 83% tax rate is both highly shocking and, unfortunately, a ridiculous and useless concept, except as evidence that I have no idea what I am talking about, as if anyone needed more evidence of that! Hahaha! Come on!

But what else can people do, except buy stocks, with all the trillions and trillions of new dollars being first created by the evil Federal Reserve and then spent by the government? All these tons and tons of new dollars, busily working their economic way down winding, wending paths through an economy’s worth of manufacturers, miners and farmers, workers, middlemen, retailers, owners and shareholders, and government itself, all of whom always have to wonder "What to do with all this money rolling in, and how can I get some more of it?"

Read the rest of the article

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.

The Best of Richard Daughty

I was recently in a spirited conversation with a small crowd of people about how my Stupid Mogambo Advice (SMA) to buy gold, silver and oil has not been working very well recently, and various theories were advanced as to why that should be the case.

One particular participant in the conversation volunteered to me that perhaps the reason is that I am stupid. He looked right at me and said "You’re a stupid, lying moron!", whereupon everyone agreed by cheering and clapping.

Yet another opined that they have not become fabulously wealthy overnight because I am a "Halfwitted loudmouth blowhard who doesn’t know anything about anything", which was followed by more cheering and clapping.

Yet another pronounced "The Mogambo is a big fat stupid loser! And he eats like a pig! And he smells like a pig, too!" which was followed by even more cheering and clapping, and more than a few "oink oink" noises, which is not as charming as it sounds.

Now, I certainly agree that while there is considerable merit to these carefully-considered viewpoints, the truth is actually somewhere in between, namely that all of these idiotic, hateful people can go to hell as far as I am concerned.

In fact, no sooner do I get the soothing words "All of you idiotic, hateful people can go to hell as far as I am concerned!" out of my mouth, than suddenly everybody wants to argue about that, too!

I mean, I can’t win here!

Their stupid line of argument is that my "allowing" someone to go to hell is not actually an explanation of WHY investing in gold, silver and oil has been such a poor investment so that they did not become fabulously wealthy overnight, as they had so hopefully and carefully planned, and thus were not knee-deep in wicked debauchery and hedonistic excesses of one titillating kind or another.

So, always being the kindly gentleman and helpful teacher, I carefully explain to them "You bunch of ugly, greedy, mental-defectives and borderline psychopaths think that normal, expected fluctuations in the prices of gold, silver and oil, especially with all of the attendant manipulative shenanigans of various corrupt governments and corrupt regulators, should not, somehow, affect you?"

They all looked at me with their mouths hanging open. It was about here when I first sensed that the conversational ball had been dropped by these mental-case carbon blobs, so I continued "Before you answer, let me first tell you losers that you make me laugh – Hahahaha! – at your Earthling stupidity, and I have nothing but revulsion and scorn for you, not only for your slovenly wardrobe, bad manners and ugly shoes, but mostly for your even thinking that, somehow, normal volatilities and statistical probabilities that affect everything, everywhere, all the time, all through the universe and beyond, somehow don’t apply to you, personally, and that you – alone! – should be blessed as the only exemption in the Whole Freaking Universe (WFU) from the laws of probability."

I ended with the usual caveat "Don’t make me laugh and laugh and laugh until I puke from too much laughing and I vomit on those shoes of yours that that are, as previously referred to earlier in the paragraph, ugly!"

Surprisingly, I could see I was still not getting my point across. So, to change the mood and wrap this up, I suddenly put a big grin on my face and asked, in a perfect metaphor, "Was Rome destroyed in a day? Taa-daa!"

I naturally expected that the crowd would spontaneously erupt into a chorus of delighted laughter and hearty cheers – Bravo! Author! Bravo! – in admiration of my cleverly changing the phrase that defines the gradual nature of things ("Rome was not built in a day") into such a delicious bon mot that I should be instantly hailed as the greatest writer since Mark Twain.

Alas, it was not to be. And too bad, too, because if they had shown the least bit of sycophantic fawning and slavish obeisance to me, or even offered me a lousy slice of pizza, then I would have gladly informed them that to be successful in investing, all you needed to do is be on the correct side of the long-term trend.

As George Soros is so famously to have said "The trick to investing success is identify the trend whose premise is false, and then bet against it."

In particular, the world’s central banks have been creating excess money and credit to such a preposterous degree, for so preposterously long, that they long ago passed the point where it was possible to stop creating excess money and credit.

This is, obviously, a trend whose premise ("There is such a thing as a free lunch, and all the government has to do is print more money to pay for it!") is as false as this phony-baloney smile on my face.

Thus, since there is no free lunch, the lunch we have been providing for so long at no cost to so many has been paid for, and will continue to be paid for, in higher prices (price inflation), as all that extra money enters into the free market ("I’ll take one of that and two of those!") and bids up the prices of things.

Thus the trend, as it always has been and always will be when so much new money is created, will be for more and more, and faster and faster, price inflation, ending in economic collapse.

And the investments to make to capitalize on this trend? I thought you’d never ask! Gold, silver and oil!

And how much to invest? I thought you’d never ask that, either! Dollar-cost-averaging! Buy the same dollar-amount of gold and silver each month!

That way, you will buy more gold and silver when prices are down, and less of them when their prices are high. How could anything be more correct, more timely, more timeless or more easy? It can’t!

That is why people, just as Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) around the world, who are happily buying gold, silver and oil to bet against the trend whose premise is false, are known to giddily exclaim "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications. Visit his website.

The Best of Richard Daughty

It is certainly old news around here that terrifying inflation in prices, thanks to the monstrous inflation in the money supply caused by the Federal Reserve creating So Freaking Much Money (SFMM) for the last few decades, has caused me to venture to that dangerous precipice between being merely weird and obnoxious, to being a raving lunatic screaming from the rooftop “We’re freaking doomed!”

Of course, I also thunder, “Buy gold and silver! Buy gold and silver! Buy gold and silver!” until my voice is raspy and my throat is sore, only to have my words of wisdom and financial salvation drowned out by the roar of the assembled crowd chanting, “Jump! Jump! Jump!” and I’m trying to yell loud enough to tell them that they have it all wrong, and that “I have no intention of jumping to my death, you morons! But if you don’t buy gold and silver against the horrific inflation in prices unleashed by the Federal Reserve creating so much money, then you are, ironically, jumping to YOUR financial deaths! Hahaha! Go to hell, all of you!”

I even threw down some leaflets of the essay “A Vale of Dollars” by Joel Bowman, Managing Editor here at The Daily Reckoning, in which he writes, “According to data released by the World Bank, food prices rose a stunning 15% from October through January. The World Bank’s own food index now sits just 3% below its 2008 record.”

This revelation did cause some discussion amongst the, apparently few, literate crowd members, and the calls for me to “Jump! Jump! Jump!” faded, and people started talking about how much more food and gas cost.

But for me, I shut up when Mr. Bowman noted that “the price spike prompted” World Bank chief Robert Zoellick to, I assume, rise up out of the neo-Keynesian fog befuddling his apparently congenital stupidity and to remark that “Global food prices are rising to dangerous levels and threaten tens of millions of poor people.”

Well, first off, I gotta tell say that Mister “They calls me Clueless” Zoellick is, again, demonstrating a stunning, complete lack of any real grasp of the situation by laughably estimating that “tens of millions” of people will be adversely affected by food prices soaring, when the real figure is at least ten times that great, if not a hundred times greater, or (more likely) hundreds of times greater than his ridiculous lowball estimate, as everyone in the Whole Freaking World (WFW) will, to one degree or another, be affected by inflation in the price of food because there are very, very few people, if any, in that aforementioned Whole Freaking World (WFW) to whom a soaring price of food is completely insignificant.

So, again, what a moron! Although, this is what you would expect from him having happily participated in the whole monetary insanity, every step of the way, so as to be a direct cause of the world’s economic misery!

It’s too bad that Mr. Zoellick didn’t anticipate this whole thing, like the Austrian Business Cycle Theory did, years ago by saying something like, “Global money supplies are rising to dangerous levels and threaten tens of millions of poor people,” although, even then, it would have still been a gross understatement, but on the right track, anyway!

And before you think that I have such a low opinion of Mr. Zoellick because I am naturally hateful, The Daily Bell asked John Perkins, author of the best-selling Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, his opinion of the World Bank.

He replied, “The World Bank is a tool of economic hit men, there is no question about it. It’s the tool of big corporations, the IMF and most of what we call intelligence agencies of the United States, CIA and NSA. Essentially the job of all these organizations is to help what used to be just US businesses – now we call them multi-nationals – get themselves established around the world in positions where they can exploit the world’s resources, natural resources and human resources.”

And now Mr. Zoellick is shedding crocodile tears about the poor having to pay higher prices after he, as a head banker, aided and abetted the creation of all the excess money, to finance the takeover of “the world’s resources, natural resources and human resources” that made prices go higher? Hahaha! Too, too much! Hahahahaha!

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I note that this kind of treachery by banks and bankers, I assume, is what prompted George Bernard Shaw to say, “You have to choose between trusting to the natural stability of gold and the natural stability of the honesty and intelligence of the members of the government. And, with due respect to these gentlemen, I advise you, as long as the capitalist system lasts, to vote for gold.”

And it is also what makes me say, “Buy gold, silver and oil stocks when your stupid government is allowing the evil Federal Reserve to keep creating staggering amounts of money, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade!”

And so while both Mr. Shaw and I agree that buying gold is the way to go, there is, alas, no evidence of Mr. Shaw saying, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” although I think that he would at least agree with it being easy! Whee!

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

Mark Thornton of the Mises Institute writes, “The price of everything seems to have skyrocketed. Only housing, the dollar and inflation-adjusted income are negative.”

I immediately interrupt to wittily say, “Well, housing is going down because nobody wants to buy a still-over-priced-yet-even-lower-quality house that now needs painting, a new water heater, some leaky things fixed and a new roof, especially now that inflation-adjusted incomes are negative!”

The stunned silence at my rudeness was all I needed to continue, “And the ridiculous fiat dollar is going down in purchasing power because the foul Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much Money (SFMM) that, vis-à-vis other dirtbag fiat currencies of other dirtbag countries running budget deficits, the dollar is going down in value faster than they are because the Federal Reserve is creating more new money than all the rest of the world’s dumb-ass, dirtbag central banks put together!”

Seeing that everybody is completely stunned by the way I just barged into the conversation with one of my patented Stupid Mogambo Remarks (SMR), I, thus emboldened, powered forward by thoughtfully stroking my chin as if contemplating something profound, whereupon I go on, my voice rising in a crescendo of pain and outrage, “But if you calculate all prices in ounces of gold, you will find that prices will have actually gone down! I’m not sure exactly how to prove it, but this has to mean We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!”

Apparently, Mr. Thornton is not sure how to calculate it, either, but is perhaps suggesting that the horror may be found in the fact that “World food and commodity prices are up 28% over the last six months.”

I was surprised that I did not edit his remarks to end with at least one exclamation point, and also surprised at his use of a 6-month time-frame, instead of annualizing it, at least in some simplistic linear manner that a dolt like me can understand.

In doing so, he unwittingly provides an opening for Showoff Calculator Man (SCM), as I happen to be an absolute whiz at multiplying numbers by 2!

Putting my calculator where my mouth is, I quickly crank out 2 X 28% = 56% inflation! See? I CAN do it!

On the other hand, 1.28% X 1.28% = 1.64%, which would seem to be a massive 64% annual inflation when compounded, even more so than the simple 58%. Yikes!

Mr. Thornton ignores me, and goes on, “Higher food prices set off the revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt and the mass protests in countries like Algeria, Jordan, Yemen, Bahrain and Iran. People in these countries buy more unprocessed foods and spend a much higher percentage of their income on food, so they have been severely impoverished by Bernanke’s QE2.”

Of course, being an American, all I really care about is how it affects me, an American, and American prices, and how in the hell I am going to afford higher prices on my American income which has, as he said earlier, gone down when inflation-adjusted.

In that regard, Joel Bowman, Managing Editor here at The Daily Reckoning notes, “Wholesale prices jumped 0.8% in January. The producer price index (PPI) has now jumped 3% over the last four months. And no, that’s not an annualized figure.”

Again, Showoff Calculator Man (SCM) comes to the rescue, and multiplies 3 times 3% to get 9% inflation, which IS an annualized figure, and more than 9% inflation when compounded, and which is scary enough to send me running, running, running, like the paranoid little weasel that I am, to the safety of the Mogambo Secret Bunker (MSB).

I was hurriedly shutting the bunker’s door when I heard Mr. Bowman go on, “Note that the PPI headline number is for ‘finished goods’ – stuff that’s ready to be sold direct to consumers. In the category of ‘crude goods,’ the figures are far worse – up 3.3% in January, and up a staggering 15.8% over the last four months.”

The last four months! That’s almost 48% inflation a year! Man, if ever there was a time to buy gold, silver and oil, this is it! Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

James Cook of InvestmentRarities.com reminds us, in his Market Update newsletter, that the silver inventory held above ground totals 1.4 billion ounces, and that annual industrial use of silver is 900 million ounces, so that a year and half’s worth of silver exists, “although a third of it is destined for industrial consumption,” which has been increasing its use of silver by 18% in 2010.

And it surely will be used in industrial consumption, because as Mr. Cook says, “it’s hard to fathom all the bullish aspects credited to silver. You have a rare metal used in so many important industrial applications as to be termed miraculous,” so much so that “the billions of ounces mined over 2,000 years are gone forever.”

In fact, I am considering raising money to launch a Discovery Channel special, which will be a revealing new documentary that blows the lid off the explosive situation in silver, beginning with how things would have been worse a long time ago if the Neanderthals had invented electrical generation and a distribution network, both silver-consuming, 100,000 years ago.

And ditto those Renaissance hotshots who everybody thinks are so hot, but couldn’t even come up with a good cell-phone, or how Thomas Edison can invent a light bulb and the phonograph, but not take the logical next step of inventing the CD and CD player, which would have produced much better sound quality than those stupid, scratchy, tinny wax cylinders of his.

Now, as interesting as all this is, it is not enough to enthrall us because we have such short attention spans, but as soon as we say, “Bah! Show me how to make money on it!” and reach for the remote control with which to change channels, our ears prick up in sudden rapt attention when he says, “The disappearance of this hoard should have sent the price to much higher levels. It didn’t.”

This seemed so odd that Theodore Butler went to “track down the reason” and, as I understand it, discovered the gigantic short futures position in silver, and all of that slimy, illegal rigging of the silver futures markets, and by extension, all the rigged markets, and all of it made possible only because the foul Federal Reserve created the excess money to finance it all! Hahahaha!

Of course, rigged markets are nothing new, and again our interest wanes, and soon we are beginning to think of pizza, and our stomachs gurgle, “BurrRRRrrRRrrRRp!”

This was unfortunate, because while we were distracted, we almost missed the whole point, which is making a lot of money without working. And on that subject, the aforementioned Theodore Butler writes that JP Morgan, apparently the biggest naked short-seller of silver futures and thus the biggest price suppressor, looks like it has decided to get out of the business of depressing the price of silver by creating and selling so much “paper silver” futures out of thin air, and has unexpectedly “covered roughly 4,000 contracts in the past month and 8,000 contracts in the last two months, the equivalent of 40 million ounces” of silver.

Familiar with the explosive results of suppressed prices that stop being suppressed, I am beside myself in Greedy Mogambo Glee (GMG) in anticipation of silver shooting to the moon, and I am humming the tune “We’re in the money! We’re in the money! We got a lot of what it takes to get along!”

Mr. Butler, who is much more professional than I, calmly and cautiously opines that “This holds profoundly bullish implications for the future of silver prices,” which may have something to do with the fact that covering a naked short position when the price of silver is rising means taking a loss, and, “In the history of the silver manipulation going back to 1983, never has the big concentrated silver short ever covered shorts on rising silver prices.”

I am always impressed with the use of the word “never,” probably because of that time when I was young and full of hormones, when I asked Debra Sue, the hottest girl in the tenth grade and who knew it, too, to go out with me, but she pretended not to hear me, but who told her friend Jessica, who told her friend Mary, who told her boyfriend Bob, who was my friend, who told me that Debra Sue said she would never – never! – go out with me because she thinks I am “icky.”

Sure enough, she never did go out with me! Or even acknowledge my existence, for that matter, except to once say to me, in the hallway outside of the chemistry lab, “Get out of my way, creep!”

That girls think I was creepy is not interesting, not surprising to anybody, but probably the most interesting fact about silver is that it is “used in tiny amounts in its multitude of applications. This makes much of its usage insensitive to price.”

If you are not sure what being “insensitive to price” means, imagine that you are the CEO of a company manufacturing Mogambo Hair-Growing Machines (MHGM) under license from Mogambo Interstellar Enterprises (MIE).

In the course of production, you use one ten-thousandth of a cent of silver per unit, meaning that you use 10 cents worth of silver a day to make a full day’s run of 100,000 units, most of which are defective because my design is bad and I insist that you use the cheapest and shoddiest of materials and labor so as to keep profit margins high enough to make the most money on the front-end before people find out what a worthless rip-off my stupid hair-growing machine really is, and people stop buying the damned things because word gets around that they don’t work.

In my defense, the business plan looked good on paper, but my lack of ethics as the price of greed is neither here nor there, and the point is that you are “insensitive to price” if the price of silver doubles to 20 cents a day. “Ho-hum,” you would say, unconcerned about such a trifle.

And you don’t care if the price triples to 30 cents a day, either, as would be evidenced by another bored “ho-hum” were you even told of this trifling news.

Ditto if the price quadruples to 40 cents a day, or quintuples to 50 cents a day.

And you don’t even care if the price of silver goes up by a thousand-fold to cost you $100 per day, even though there will plenty of people who will care if the price of silver is $29,000 an ounce!

And now with China, a third of the world’s population is going to want electrical and electronic things that all must have silver in them, insensitive to price as those things are, the upper end on the price of silver is so hard to imagine that I don’t even try, and I just buy it now while the price is still ludicrously low.

Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

The Daily Bell is pleased to present an exclusive interview with Richard Daughty.

Introduction: Richard Daughty, the Mogambo Metals and Money Guru, describes himself as "the angriest guy in economics." No doubt this is because a genuine belief in Austrian hard-money economics leads him to question the moves, rationale and even, sometimes, the sanity of the financial officers, institutional investors and central bankers about whom he writes. In Swahili, Mogambo apparently means "big gorilla" – and Richard is certainly a big gorilla among the hard-money publishing set – providing at least portions of his Mogambo Guru report to many of the ‘Net’s most prestigious hard-money sites and top magazines and newspapers as well – including Barron’s and the Wall Street Journal. He is also a partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities. Prior to joining Smith, Richard was a financial adviser to American Express Financial Advisers in Clearwater, Florida. He holds an MBA in operations research from the University of South Florida and has long been a strong advocate for sound fiscal and monetary policy – even when it wasn’t fashionable.

Daily Bell: We have previously interviewed you and your alter ego, the Mogambo Guru. Now we’ll follow up. But please pretend you are addressing an audience that does not know about your fine work or writing.

Mogambo Guru: I do fine work or writing? Wow! Who knew? Thanks!

Daily Bell: A general question first. When did you get interested in Austrian economics and how?

Mogambo Guru: I got interesting in Austrian economics only because I was trying to make a lot of money in a hurry without actually working because I am greedy and lazy. I was using technical analysis to trade index options, and, obviously, market-following technical analysis follows the market.

The problem was that the market had already turned by the time the charts showed it, and so I always missed the first chunk of the rollup/uptrend while still holding my puts, and always missed the first chunk of the rollover/downtrend while still holding my calls! Bummer! I only got the middle part, if any, of any move.

So I wondered "How can I make a lot more money without, you know, working? For example, how did the guys who got in first, or got out first, know to get in, or know to get out? What, what, what did they know?"

Naturally, I turned to economics, and started with the usual college textbooks and bookstore offerings, all centered around that Keynes crap that they teach almost everywhere, which I found both logically incomprehensible and (my suspicions having been vindicated QED) a Big Stinking Load Of Crap (BSLOC).

Then, one happy, lucky day, flailing around as I was, lost in the darkness of modern economic Keynesian econometric stupidity, I stumbled upon the Austrian Business Cycle Theory, I forget how or where, but probably Hazlitt’s "Economics in One Easy Lesson," and then it was Rothbard, Hayek and Mises from then on!

Daily Bell: For purposes of this interview, give us a short rundown on your background and most important work.

Mogambo Guru: A useless college degree in psychology, various post-grad MBA and PhD work ending in disillusionments and disappointments, bored business manager, simplistic computer programmer, low-producing stockbroker, disheartened financial planner, with a sorry streak of "lack of ambition" running through it all.

And as for "important work" I have done, I have never done any important work, and very little work that wasn’t substandard, now that I think about it. But thanks for asking, anyway!

Daily Bell: Is the West in a double-dip recession?

Mogambo Guru: It looks like it to me. Or a triple dip! Or more dips! Or the dip before the end of the world! Who knows? Maybe a boom! Never underestimate the government response, and there WILL be a government response!

Daily Bell: What is the real American unemployment rate versus the labor pool?

Mogambo Guru: It’s odd that you should mention that, because I just looked at it so recently that I can still remember the conclusion, which is that the US economy is so malformed and grotesquely twisted, because the Federal Reserve created the excess money to finance all that idiocy, that nowadays 7 out of 12 workers are employed either by a government, the school system, some other tax-eating agency, or work for a non-profit organization.

None of these 7 of 12 people can possibly make a profit with which to pay any taxes, and all are relying on sharing government revenues and/or soliciting the good-hearted citizens to engage in a little self-taxation and cough up some bucks for a nice donation.

So, more than half of all work in The Whole Freaking Country (TWFC) will not pay any taxes on any profit? Wow! Half!

"What kind of a crazy economic system in that?" I ask with a look of alarm and fear on my ruggedly handsome face, which, I have been told by people, is neither rugged nor handsome, but they were idiots, and it is not about rugged or handsome, anyway, but about how the distorted, bloated, cancerous economic system is causing my face, ruggedly handsome or not, to have a look of alarm and fear, which is undeniable, so who is the "conceited stupid bastard" now, you morons?

Daily Bell: What is unemployment worldwide?

Mogambo Guru: I have no idea, nor do I have any idea of the effect of unemployment in different cultures, or anything concerning foreigners, who all seem to speak foreign languages and I can’t understand a word of what they say, much less making heads or tails out of their cultural norms, although I am sure that they are all talking about me behind my back and plotting things because that is the kind of paranoid weirdo I have become as a result of the world’s central banks making so, so, so much money, over so, so, so many years, especially to accommodate the foul Federal Reserve creating so incredibly much money for the biggest economy on earth, and which is going exponential even as we speak! Yikes!

Daily Bell: What is the difference between a depression and great recession. Semantics?

Mogambo Guru: As far as I can tell without doing any real thinking, which is how I like it. I notice that they rhyme, though, if that helps!

Daily Bell: What can government do to make things better? Anything?

Mogambo Guru: Hahaha! Do? What can government do, now that it has borrowed itself into bankruptcy and after having encouraged the population to do the same so that everyone faces bankruptcy and ruination unless an inflationary hell created from stimulus spending somehow saves them all? What can they do? Hahaha!

Well, the short answer is, of course, that "Nothing can be done!" and for the very good reason that if something COULD be done, there would be no such thing as economics! "Borrow and spend as much as you like, and then when you are drowning in debt, we economics hotshots will just use a Powerful Magic Move (PMM) that will solve all financial problems!" Hahahaha!

Daily Bell: What are the worst US government statistics in your estimation – or are they all OK?

Mogambo Guru: The only thing that scares me, because it is the only thing that CAN really scare anybody that fears hordes of poor people rioting in the streets because prices are so high that they are starving, is inflation in consumer prices.

And inflation in prices comes from an increase in debt, and thus a corresponding increase in the money supply, and all that springs from an increase in Fed Credit.

So inflation’s the one thing that scares me the most, and the increase in Fed Credit is where it begins!

Daily Bell: Is the housing market beginning to bottom out?

Mogambo Guru: I doubt it, since I don’t think general incomes are rising, nor do incomes seem high enough to pass the tighter mortgage standards at the banks. But who knows?

At the risk of repeating myself, it’s always a mistake to underestimate the government!

For example, what would happen to house prices if the government reimbursed homebuyers, via a fat, luscious tax credit (payable in cash!), for what the homebuyer spent on the mortgage payment?

I mean, what is the top price someone would pay for a house that will always be, "after taxes," free?

Daily Bell: What is the real inflation level – or is there deflation?

Mogambo Guru: I think it depends on what you are looking at! Food and energy are a lot higher in price, and almost certainly going higher, but other things are not higher, and some are lower in price.

And with the cost of housing being 40% of the Consumer Price Index and housing going down in price, the rate of inflation you experience will not be indicated in that index, if all your money is spent on higher prices for food and energy, but it will if not!

Daily Bell: How are retail sales doing?

Mogambo Guru: Well, retail-wise, I was going to buy a new putter at this golf store, but my wife said "No dice" because I already have so many putters in the garage that turned out to be pieces of expensive-yet-useless crap, their sheer number statistically eliminating the club itself as the key variable that is my freaking problem with getting that damned little white ball into that damned little hole in the damned ground.

Other than that, I don’t know anything about retail sales. Sorry.

Daily Bell: We have a theory that the controlling monetary elite is basically Anglo-American, not French, German, etc. Is that simplistic?

Mogambo Guru: With a phony philosophy that flows like profound poetry, I say "Those that have the money call the shots. It is always thus."

Daily Bell: You tend in your public speaking to concentrate more on the Federal Reserve than the income tax when it comes to identifying what is the most damaging financial and economic mechanism. Why do you think central banking is more of a menace than graduated income taxes? Or do you?

Mogambo Guru: Changing taxes merely rearranges who, government or non-government, gets what proportion of the money supply.

When the economic stagnation of an over-reaching government starts to hurt the economy, political things, like taxes, usually reverse over the next couple of elections.

The Federal Reserve, on the other hand, constantly increases the money supply, and now at astounding rates, without anyone’s permission or input! And all this money makes consumer prices rise in horrible inflation, which, unless drastic measures are taken, always leads to economic catastrophe, unstoppable starvation, riots in the streets, and that sort of thing, which is the "good news" part.

The "bad news" part is much more nightmarish, and, thus, I think the Federal Reserve is a bigger danger, by far, than taxes!

Daily Bell: How come the Federal Reserve did not predict the crisis with all its trained economists, researchers etc?

Mogambo Guru: Because Austrian economics, which DID predict the crisis, is so simple and elegant that it is not conducive to playing "mind games" with computers and equations and econometric models to show everyone how smart you are, while proving how disastrously and utterly wrong you are, and surprisingly showing that they are too stupid to even see their obvious failure, year after year after year, and stop doing whatever in hell that it was doing to the Serious, Serious Detriment (SSD) of all, like the foul Federal Reserve.

Daily Bell: How is it possible that the Federal Reserve is going to receive yet more regulatory power given its track record?

Mogambo Guru: It is part of everyone clutching at straws in panicked desperation due to the dawning realization that "We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!"

Daily Bell: Is it possible given current resistance to the Fed that it is on its way out? Something else will have to replace it. Perhaps the IMF?

Mogambo Guru: Is it possible to replace the Fed? Sure! But with what? The American economy cannot now exist without the Federal Reserve, or something just like it, constantly creating money in insane multiples, gradually increasing exponentially, accomplished by unrestricted fractional-reserve banking and insane levels of credit and money creation!

Daily Bell: Will we see a truly international non-dollar reserve currency in your lifetime?

Mogambo Guru: Just tell me: Who would trust who, and why, unless it was gold?

Daily Bell: Could we then perhaps see a reversion to a gold and silver market-elected money standard?

Mogambo Guru: Perhaps, but only if we are willing to withstand a lot of pain installing it, and willingly suffer more pain as things adjust so far downward that the standard of living is just a mere fraction of what it is now, which does not sound like anybody I know!

Daily Bell: If we did see such a standard, would it emerge as a free-banking standard?

Mogambo Guru: It depends on who makes the rules, I’d say! Hahaha!

Daily Bell: Where do you stand in the free-banking controversy? Do you see private (competition-based) fractional reserve banking as fraudulent, even criminal, or would you consider it to be an appropriate market evolution if it emerged out of a return to honest money?

Mogambo Guru: The problem with fractional-banking is that it is always carried to excess, such as the situation Right Freaking Now (RFN), where "reserves" in the banks is a laughable $67 billion, held against something like $7 trillion in loans and leases! A tiny little fraction of one lousy percent counts as "reserves" against losses?

And this does not count covering the risk of another $7 trillion or so in deposits and liabilities, too! Reserves? With a miniscule $67 billion? Hahahaha!

Daily Bell: We’ve pointed out that everyone is piling on the Fed these days. There may even be an audit. Is it possible that the monetary elite has decided to sacrifice the Fed – and in doing so create an alternative structure?

Mogambo Guru: Never underestimate a truly desperate person with links to other truly desperate persons that have the power to enact laws to change your whole universe.

Daily Bell: Does gold remain undervalued?

Mogambo Guru: Most definitely! And by a long, long shot, too!

Daily Bell: How about silver?

Mogambo Guru: Even more so! Wow! I could drone on for hours and hours, one fact after another, about silver being such a screaming value that it would easily rate Number One With A Bullet (NOWAB) recommendation on the Mogambo Can’t-Miss, Sure-Fire Investment List (MCMSFIL), if there were such things as a NOWAB or MCMSFIL, which there aren’t because I just made them up, but both sound like wonderful ideas for someone not as lazy as I am.

Daily Bell: Are both manipulated?

Mogambo Guru: Isn’t everything?

Daily Bell: Is the world headed back to a gold standard? What kind of money would you like to see?

Mogambo Guru: Yes, the world is ALWAYS headed back to a gold standard because of the guaranteed degradation all monetary systems based on a fiat currency, but usually only achieved after suffering a lot of misery caused by inflation in prices for generations until the currency finally devalues to literal worthlessness.

Daily Bell: Where is China headed? Will price inflation bring China down?

Mogambo Guru: We all know where China is headed, because with that much pent-up demand, comprising almost a third of the world’s population, it is just a matter of increasing consumer credit and building retail systems to sell all that crap!

And even better for them, what will bring China’s inflation down is a strong yuan so that imports of consumer items and industrial goods will fall in price for years! Growth without inflation!

Daily Bell: What is inflation? Mises believed it was a monetary aggregate plus the willingness of society to CIRCULATE the money. Your view?

Mogambo Guru: Mises has it right. Would YOU want to hold onto a currency that was losing value with every tick of the clock, and then lose more purchasing power at every tock of the clock, and then lose more value with each tick, and then each tock, then each tick tock, tick tock, ticktockticktockticktock? Me, neither!

Daily Bell: Why is the velocity of money a false paradigm?

Mogambo Guru: I don’t know how FALSE it is, but regarding velocity, just plug the dependent variable to balance Fisher’s equation PQ=MV. Therefore, all changes in velocity (V) can only be the result of changes in prices (P), and/or quantity sold (Q), and/or the money supply (M).

Daily Bell: What is deflation? Is it a monetary phenomenon? Is there such a thing as price deflation versus monetary deflation?

Mogambo Guru: Monetary deflation is when the money supply goes down because the guy who borrowed the money won’t, or can’t, pay you back, and you have to just forget about getting your money back. And since money is created at the instant the loan is made, money literally disappears when the loan disappears!

Price deflation, on the other hand, is what happens AFTER monetary deflation: Since there is a smaller money supply being used to bid on goods and services in the free-market auction-place known as "real life," prices cannot all be bid as high as when there was a bigger money supply, and in fact some, or all, prices must be bid lower so that the market is cleared of the same goods but less money!

Daily Bell: Can you have REAL deflation in a fiat money economy?

Mogambo Guru: You sure as hell can! And in fact, you cannot stop it unless somebody stops borrowing and spending so much money that it produces inflationary bubbles in stocks, bubbles in bonds, bubbles in houses, bubbles in derivatives, and bubbles, bubbles, bubbles in the size and expense of government, which doesn’t even count as an "expense," measured in suffering, of the horrific inflation in consumer prices that people must pay thanks to monstrous amounts of deficit-spending by the federal government!

Daily Bell: Is fiat money collapsing worldwide?

Mogambo Guru: As it always does, as the disappearance of literally thousands of now-worthless and forgotten fiat currencies, and the losses suffered by those unfortunates holding fiat currencies, through history so richly attest.

Daily Bell: Will the EU survive?

Mogambo Guru: I’m surprised it lasted this long! A unified monetary policy but 18 separate fiscal policies, and they thought it would last? Hahaha!

Daily Bell: What is the role of government if any?

Mogambo Guru: Interesting question! The 18 powers granted to Congress, enumerated in the Constitution, is a good place to start, I suppose.

Daily Bell: What are your feelings about the war on terror?

Mogambo Guru: I assume that it’s all a big convoluted web of lies and corruptions at this point, providing good diversion for all kinds of corrupt activities and increased defense spending, as always!

Daily Bell: What is your take on Ron Paul? On the Tea Party?

Mogambo Guru: A wish come true, but arrived, alas, too, too late, but in time to take the blame.

Daily Bell: How complicated is economics really? Human action tells us that individuals will create solutions for themselves and their families and communities as necessary. What else does one need to know but "let the market decide?" What are the other mysteries that need to be delved? Is it analysis of HOW the process works that is important? Or does this over-complicate things?

Mogambo Guru: I’m glad you asked that question, because not only do I agree with you that economics is simple, but that Austrian economics, the Only True Economic Theory (OTET) is like, I figure, sort of like chess. The basic moves can be easily taught to children, but the subtleties take a lot to master.

Daily Bell: Any books or articles you would recommend to our readers?

Mogambo Guru: I would say Hazlitt’s Economics in One Lesson would do the trick!

Daily Bell: Thank you for your time and graciousness in conducting another interview with us.

Mogambo Guru: Thanks for interviewing me without leading me into a trap where I foolishly confide the fact that we’re freaking doomed to die of catastrophic inflation because the Federal Reserve is creating so much money, which it does so that the Obama administration can deficit-spend so much money, a trajectory of borrowing putting us as a nation further in debt to the tune of almost $2 trillion this year – 14% of GDP! – and bringing the total outstanding national debt to more than 100% of GDP, so that to talk of investing in anything other than gold, silver, oil stocks and high-caliber weapons, with or without bunkers and reinforced defensive positions, is to laugh the famous Mogambo Laugh Of Scorn (MLOS) at such lunacy! Hahahaha!

Daily Bell After Thoughts

Interviewing the Great Mogambo always makes us happy. He’s a funny fellow, and he’s also been right about most everything he’s written for the past ten years or so. Of course you’ve seen him on TV – wait a minute. He’s not on TV. Not even on radio so far as we can tell. This is a primary law of American finance. The more correct you are, the less you will appear on mainstream, Western media.

Fortunately, there is the Internet. The Great Mogambo has thrived on the Internet and his many grateful fans are grateful for his always-pertinent analyses. To write with humor about what is occurring today is no easy feat. In fact, to write about finance and economics at all with such wit is something that only a very few can do. To do so with his level of honesty and accuracy is astonishing.

Those who follow the Great Mogambo will no doubt have been enriched by his musings in numerous ways. It is a sad commentary on American letters – and on the mainstream media in general – that inaccurate mediocrities have acquired vast electronic platforms from which to bore us. But reading Mogambo is always a treat. Long may he write, and thrive.

Reprinted with permission from The Daily Bell.

Anthony Wile is an author, columnist and entrepreneur focused on developing projects that promote the general advancement of free-market thinking concepts. He is the Chairman and CEO of the Swiss-based publishing firm Appenzeller Business Press AG (ARBP). He is a senior editor of ARBP’s flagship news site, TheDailyBell.com. In 2010, ARBP founded and appointed Mr. Wile as the Executive Director of The Foundation for the Advancement of Free-Market Thinking — a non-profit Liechtenstein-based foundation. His most popular book, High Alert, is now in its third edition and available in several languages. Other notable books written by Mr. Wile include The Liberation of Flockhead (2002) and The Value of Gold (2002).

I was intrigued
that a guy named David Thurtell, of Citigroup, surprisingly said,
“The liquidity pumped out by central banks means that there
is a lot of money sloshing around that needs to find a home.”

I was so intrigued
that I was tempted to use it as the basis for my first report to
the new supervisor for this quadrant of the galaxy, Karpus Klegg
the Implacable, at his new office at Intergalactic Headquarters
after the “palace coup” and interstellar personnel shake-up
that I just found out about.

However, I
did not want to start off a relationship with some guy I never met
named Karpus Klegg the Implacable by saying that people on this
planet believe that money can find a home, as it sounds so stupid.

After a little
checking, I learned that I just needed to say that the people on
this planet had evolved to the point where they seek pleasure all
the time, and just send him some porno films of earthlings, which
he will like better than anything else I could send him.

So, with that
feather in my cap, I turn my attention to denizens of this planet,
singling out for Mr. Thurtell of Citigroup to receive the Hot Mogambo
News (HMN) that money never finds a home! Never!

Money never
“finds a home” because money, once created, is always
being exchanged for an asset, and then the asset seller has to exchange
the newly-acquired money for another asset, and then that asset
seller has to exchange the newly-acquired money for another asset,
and then that asset seller, and then another, and another, around
and around, up and down, back and forth, with all the new money
constantly being used to add to the money already bidding on goods
and services, causing higher prices, higher and higher prices, even
as the money is being nibbled away, bit by bit and piece by piece,
by relentless and total government taxation at each exchange.

And yet, even
then, as soon as any of the money is taxed away out of the private
economy, it immediately reappears! It is reborn as higher government
spending, and becoming “new money” that needs to “find
a home,” too!

So the idea
of money ever “finding a home” makes me laugh the cruel
Mogambo Laugh Of Scorn (MLOS) at such a benign-sounding phrase,
as all this new money does is to increase prices!

And, if you
want to know my opinion, deliberately increasing prices is a cruel,
mean-spirited, despotic and despicable thing to do to people.

However, cruelty
of an elitist government towards the population is nothing new,
and it is a little known fact that the Elvis Presley hit, “Don’t
Be Cruel”, originally had the lyrics:

“Don’t
be cruel,

“To the
currency of a guy who trusted you Fed bastards to maintain the purchasing
power of the dollar.

“Don’t
be cruel,

“To the
currency of a guy who trusted you Fed bastards to maintain the purchasing
power of the dollar.

“I don’t
want no other cash!

“But the
dollar’s turned to trash!

“Don’t
be cruel!”

Firstly, thank
you, thank you, thank you for your kind applause of appreciation
for my fabulous impersonation of Elvis Presley! Thank you! Thank
you!

Secondly, there
is a moral about the purchasing power of money in there, probably
in the second verse where he had a leash around his neck and being
led around, which is now unfortunately lost, so you have to take
my word for it, where Elvis himself – The King! – was
advising you to buy gold and silver when the Federal Reserve was
creating so much money, which it was doing at the time of his death
in 1977, all because Nixon severed the dollar’s convertibility
to gold in 1971.

If you don’t
believe that Elvis was a gold-bug and Austrian-school of economics
kind of “cool guy,” and/or that these are the original
lyrics, then perhaps you will start to believe me when I say that
the Federal Reserve creating trillions of dollars per year is going
to make Elvis look more visionary than ever when gold soars to the
moon in the terrifying inflation in consumer prices and the destruction
of the economy!

And to think
you can prevent all that by just buying, as suggested by Elvis Presley
himself, gold and silver! Don’t be cruel, indeed! Whee! This
investing stuff is easy!

January
8, 2011

Richard Daughty (Mogambo
Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving
the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher
of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise
to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The
Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The
Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The
Best of Richard Daughty

There are
a lot of things in this world that I do not understand, and perhaps
it is because of this persistent befuddlement that, for some mysterious
reason, I think it is Highly, Highly Significant (HHS) that the
Chinese Gold & Silver Exchange is planning “a first”;
an international gold contract denominated in renminbi.

Agora Financial’s
5-Minute Forecast notes that “Right now, the Hong Kong-based
exchange settles all its trades in Hong Kong dollars,” which
should be enough to get the job done, you would think.

So why a new
international gold contract denominated in Chinese renminbi? I don’t
know, which is not unusual because I actually know so little about
anything, but The 5 says, “Adding renminbi to the mix
could boost the exchange’s trading volume by 20%, to a daily
total of $6 billion,” which I assume means that commissions,
fees and money made by middlemen would increase, for one thing!
Hahaha!

My shallow
cynicism aside, all of this comes at a time when “skyrocketing
demand for gold in China” is evident in that Chinese imports
of gold through the first 10 months of the year of this year total
to more than 209 metric tons. The total for all of 2009 was, by
contrast, just 45 tons.

So 209 tons
of gold is a hefty 500% increase in buying, which is hard to dismiss
out of hand, much less when considering that this may, or may not,
have something to do with the fact that “Chinese regulators
have approved the first mutual fund to invest in gold-backed ETFs.”

And it is even
harder to dismiss when you notice that there is nothing about Chinese
trusting gold for the last few thousand years or so and so what
in the hell did you think that they would spend some of their rapidly
rising incomes on, or that commentary on buying silver is so suspiciously
absent.

Naturally,
I come to the only conclusion that makes sense; buy gold, silver
and oil ahead of the Chinese, who are buying them ahead of the Federal
Reserve creating so much money in quantitative easing 2 (QE2), which
makes it all so easy that you, the Chinese and I all have to exclaim,
“Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

And it becomes
especially easy, and especially obvious when, as part of a recent
Congressional frantic move to get more money into more hands so
that these mysterious hands will spend it and thus, somehow, reanimate
a dying economy where government spending is half the economy and
debt-financed consumption is the other half, a tax break was passed
so that the 6.2% Social Security tax that workers must pay on their
incomes will be reduced to 4.2%!

A $45,000 income
will thus be increased by $900! I assume that the Medicare tax and
the employer’s matching 6.2% tax will remain intact and due,
so that employment will now be taxed at a total of 13.3% instead
of the 15.3% of the last few years.

And I assume
that the $900 “found money” will be reduced by the entire
sum being taxed as ordinary income at the marginal rate, instead
of the previous 50% being taxable, but it’s still a nice piece
of change!

And it will
be doled out, paycheck by paycheck, increasing the fabled Keynesian
“propensity to consume,” as opposed to a lump-sum remittance
that results in a higher Keynesian “propensity to save,”
which is at the bedrock heart of the ridiculous econometric theory
to which the asinine Federal Reserve ascribes.

And the European
Central Bank, and the Bank of Japan, and central banks everywhere.

In short, there’s
more money, more money, more money, more money, more money and more
money, everywhere you look, making the decision to buy gold, silver
and oil against such terrifyingly inflationary floods of money even
easier, so that, “Whee! This investing stuff is easier than
I originally thought earlier in the paragraph!”

December
30, 2010

Richard Daughty (Mogambo
Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving
the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher
of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise
to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The
Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The
Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The
Best of Richard Daughty

I assume that
you, as an intelligent person who understands that the treacherous,
greedy, vampire banks creating so much excess money means We’re
Freaking Doomed (WFD), are Up To Your Freaking Ears (UTYFE) in gold,
silver and oil, and you have had it UTYFE with your family always
complaining about how you spend all the family’s income on
gold, silver and oil instead of luxuries, family vacations, adequate
food, clothing, medical care, dental care, blah blah blah, the list
goes on and on.

But what you
really, really want to know is: How did we get into this mess?

In that case,
I present the Buttonwood column of The Economist magazine.

Some guy who
read an economics book a long time ago, but hasn’t learned
a thing nice, laughably wrote, “It is an economic truism that
savings must equal investment.” Hahaha!

See? I told
you it was laughable, as I handily proved by laughing! Hahaha!

You’d
think that the editors of The Economist would have heard
me laughing about it and ask, “What is so funny?” and
yanked it! Hahaha!

To be fair,
it USED to be an economic truism, prior to 1971, that savings must
equal investment. And it was a truism because with a gold standard,
the money supply was obviously a relative constant, and so if you
wanted to get your hands on some money to invest, you had to borrow
it from someone who already had some money.

Enter, stage
left, the savers. Their money was being saved in the banks, and
with the banks acting as an intermediary to judiciously loan it
out as an investment, at an interest rate that cleared the market,
paying the depositors a small fee from the proceeds, and keeping
the rest for themselves. Classic stuff.

All that changed
in 1971 when President Richard Nixon declared that the dollar was
no longer backed by gold, and so all those foreign nations who were
growing distrustful of the dollar because we were creating so many
of them, and were literally exchanging their dollars for gold, were
told, “Screw you, you worthless foreign bastards! You got paper
dollars and you’ll keep paper dollars! And if you don’t
like it, too bad! Hahaha!”

The result
was the gradual debasement of the dollar by the Federal Reserve
ever since, as it continually created more and more credit and fiat
money, which continually inflated the money supply, which made prices
continually creep up and up.

As if inflation
was not bad enough, a lot of that money (about $14 trillion) went
towards loaning money to buy government bonds so that foul, corrupt,
fiscally irresponsible Congresses could spend money they did not
have! Gaaahhh! The worst of both worlds!

Even worse,
a lot of the Fed’s new money also went into bubbles in stocks,
bubbles in bonds, bubbles in houses, bubbles in derivatives, and
a huge, suffocating bubble in the size and cost of local, state
and federal governments.

And let’s
not forget the derivatives market, which is so gigantic that it
staggers the imagination! How large? Thought you’d never ask!

The Financial
Times, as part of a story about the changes coming as a result
of the Dodd-Frank financial reform bill, refers to “the $583,000bn
privately-traded derivatives markets, as mandated by the Dodd-Frank
financial reform.”

Now, in case
you are not immediately familiar with computing “billions of
billions,” the number “$583,000 billion,” which doesn’t
sound too bad, is actually the terrifying sum $583 trillion, which
is significant in that the total GDP of the world – and I am
talking about the total annual output of goods and services by everyone
in the Whole Freaking World (WFW) – is only about $65 trillion!

This means
that the derivatives market, alone, is 900% bigger than global GDP!
Gaahhh!

And as unbelievable
as it is to say, that monstrosity is just one of many, many weird,
weird, bankrupting, bankrupting things that happened, happened because
the world’s central banks created so, so much, much money for
so, so long long.

And all of
that is exactly why buying gold, silver and oil is such an easy
decision to make, and so deliciously guaranteed of capital gain,
that you happily exclaim, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

December
25, 2010

Richard Daughty (Mogambo
Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving
the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher
of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise
to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The
Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The
Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The
Best of Richard Daughty

I have been
grudgingly getting to work every day and on-time since, unfortunately,
it looks like my incompetence, stupidity and sheer lazy worthlessness
is going to produce another losing quarter, and the rumor is that
the Board of Directors is looking for heads to roll.

This prompted
me to suggest to my boss that instead of firing me, the company
should bail out the business segment that is losing money (mine)
by loaning money to it, which everyone knows will never be paid
back, so that the consolidated company books could show a huge tax-deductible
loss by virtue of loss reserves on the eventual default, and my
little division could also help the bottom line by booking a tax-deductible
interest expense on the loan that we never pay back!

I carefully
explained how the important benefit would be, of course, that I
could continue to be my happy – although incompetent, stupid
and lazy – self, there would be bonuses for the executive staff,
and the company would benefit when everyone would look at me and
say to themselves, “Wow! The company must be doing very well
if they can afford to hire a half-witted clown!” which will
create a kind of “wealth effect”! Money will start flowing!
I explained to her, breathless with my hopeful optimism, “It’s
like magic!”

Or, I said,
triumphantly playing my ace of trumps, the accountants could find
a way to “lose” all the money and save enough in evading
taxes to offset the whole deal!

Well, I could
tell by the look on her face that she was not very keen on the idea
to, as she put it, “dare to come into my office and suggest
that we commit fraud and evade taxes so that we all land in prison
and die in disgrace” but I calmly explained that the Federal
Reserve apparently can’t account for $9 trillion in their own
off-balance sheet transactions, and nobody is under arrest, or going
to jail, or being investigated, or anything! $9 trillion! In an
economy that has a GDP of $14 trillion!

“And so,”
I went on, “our piddly fraud would be but a triviality compared
to $9 trillion, which is a Huge Freaking Amount (HFA) of money,
in that it is a whopping 65% of GDP and (coincidentally) 65% of
the national debt, and is 4.8 times larger than the entire monetary
base of the Whole Freaking Country (WFC)!”

She was visibly
choking on her outrage, which I suspected was because she thought
I was making this up as part of another Mogambo Scheme Of Desperation
(MSOD) to save my worthless butt from the firing squad.

So, to allay
her suspicions, I told her that I got this information from Money
News, which reported that when “Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Orlando)
asked Inspector General Elizabeth Coleman of the Federal Reserve
some very basic questions about where the trillions of dollars that
have come from the Fed’s expanded balance sheet, the IG didn’t
know.”

Shockingly,
“nobody at the Fed seems to have any idea what the losses on
its $2 trillion portfolio really are,” which probably explains
why Rep. Grayson said, “I am shocked to find out that nobody
at the Federal Reserve is keeping track of anything.”

TheDailyBell.com,
commenting on this interesting news item, said, “During the
questioning of Coleman, Grayson asks her over and over if there
is a formal accounting available for the trillions in off-book balance
sheet activity for the Fed” until she finally “all-but-admits
that she actually has no authority even to examine the Fed’s
off-balance sheet activities.”

This is where
I got all excited at the possibilities, and said, “So all we
have to do is to deny anybody the authority to look at a secret
set of books!”

Well, tragically,
my stupid boss nixed my Terrific Mogambo Plan (TMP), and now I am
desperate enough, and scared enough, about losing my stupid job
that I show up, on-time, every stupid day to do my stupid job, whereupon
I have rediscovered that I hate working and all that effort and
striving to be at least minimally competent, which means I have
to spend a lot of my Valuable Mogambo Time (VMT) actually handling
stupid problems instead of, like previously, ignoring them until
they somehow solve themselves or just mysteriously go away.

The worst part,
of course, is that I have to be around my stupid co-workers, who
stupidly do not buy gold, silver and oil when the horrid Federal
Reserve is creating so much money, and even when I tell them that
they are stupid for not buying them, they still don’t buy them!
Stupid!

These are,
I suppose, the same “common people” who went another $2
billion deeper in installment debt last month, taking that source
of indebtedness back up to $2,411 billion, which is a cool $24,110
for every private-sector worker in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC),
which is an important statistic since only private-sector workers
can make a profit with which to pay the taxes which supports half
the economy already!

Apparently,
the money was used for “personal consumption expenditures,”
which increased $17.3 billion, or 0.2%, according to the Bureau
of Economic Analysis, which also reports that “Personal income
decreased $16.8 billion, or 0.1 percent, and disposable personal
income (DPI) decreased $20.3 billion, or 0.2 percent, in September.”

People made
less money, even as things cost more! Yikes!

And as for
the terror of inflation and especially the ruinous, runaway inflation
that will result from the Federal Reserve creating so much money,
the new Gross Domestic Product Deflator is understandably up, hitting
2.3%, which is up from last month’s 1.9%.

Hurriedly concocting
some inflammatory and meaningless statistics in a pathetic attempt
at attention-getting, I breathlessly declare that this is a gigantic
21% increase in the growth of inflation! Which it is! Check it yourself,
moron, if you don’t believe me!

And with the
evil Ben Bernanke purposely misusing the Federal Reserve to “target”
2% inflation in prices by creating – out of thin air –
whole multiples of that in new money as a percentage of the money
supply, the Fabulous Mogambo Advice (FMA) to buy gold, silver and
oil as protection against such inflationary horrors rings clearer
and louder, although it can be argued that the ringing of inflationary
horror can ring louder, but not necessarily clearer.

And as for
easy, it hasn’t gotten any easier, either, because it is already
so easy to buy gold and silver (“Here’s my money, gimme
my metal!”) that those who buy them justifiably say, “Whee!
This investing stuff is easy!”

December
6, 2010

Richard Daughty (Mogambo
Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving
the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher
of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise
to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The
Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The
Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The
Best of Richard Daughty

There is a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth from Moron Keynesian Trash (MKT) about the brave Robert Zoellick, president of the World Bank, saying that what the world needs is a modified gold standard for currencies, which it does, in spades.

The Financial Times, long a champion for Keynesian stupidity despite constant inflation in prices, had an editorial from one of these MKT, who opines, “Could a gold standard help international currency co-ordination? In theory it could, if the state were willing to accept the restrictions on national monetary policy and the currency account adjustments that a gold standard entails.”

Did they say, “Willing to accept restrictions on national monetary policy”? Hahaha! What kind of crack is that? Is this guy actually saying that the only reasons that a gold standard would not work is because governments want no restrictions on creating and spending a lot of money, consequences be damned? Hahaha! Who knew?

Not content with that, the editorial goes on, “But if such political will can be found, there are better anchors than gold; until then, gold will not work.” That’s it! No explanation, no rationale, theory, no examples of “better anchors than gold,” no nothing! Just some preening know-nothing stating, “gold will not work”! Hahaha!

Jon Nadler at Kitco.com writes that “A case was made for a new anchor or ‘basket’ of currencies plus gold, and it was contained in a Financial Times piece written by World Bank President Robert Zoellick. His ideas were met with skepticism by gold market experts such as UBS analyst Edel Tully, who correctly stated that ‘Any reserve currency needs a supply that can grow as rapidly as global trade. Gold supply falls significantly short of that basic requirement.’“

Did he say, “correctly stated”? Wrong! Well, my first instinct is to laugh at such arrogance, since I never heard or read such a thing in my life, which I do thusly: Hahaha!

For one thing, any amount of gold will work perfectly, and for another thing, the world is awash in dollars and other countries printing their own money to absorb all those dollars flowing out into the world, an irresponsible and stupid result of not having a gold standard, and which has caused a lot of inflation, bubbles and economic misery.

And as for a “gold market expert” knowing anything about economics, which he obviously doesn’t, I will just dismiss him with a casual wave of my hand.

On the other hand (the one that is not waving) Charles Kadlec of the Economic Advisory Board of the American Principles Project, writing in The Wall Street Journal, correctly says that “guaranteeing a stable value for the dollar by restoring dollar-gold convertibility would be the surest way for the Federal Reserve to achieve its dual mandate of maximum employment and price stability.”

In fact, he goes on that “From 1947 through 1967, the year before the US began to weasel out of its commitment to dollar-gold convertibility, unemployment averaged only 4.7% and never rose above 7%,” which happily produced not only low unemployment, but that “low unemployment and high growth coincided with low inflation” along with low interest rates, as exemplified by AAA-rated corporate bonds averaging less than 4%, and which “never rose above 6%.”

And speaking of debt, I was intrigued with the title of the essay by James West, at midasletter.com, which was, “Buying $600 Billion in Debt with Debt,” which I had hoped was an instruction manual on how to make a lot of money, fast, using no money of my own, and (hopefully) without doing any work or taking any risk.

It was, alas, not a guidebook to instant and undeserved riches, but a criticism of the idiocy of the Federal Reserve and another stupid Quantitative Easing (QE2) plan of theirs to create a couple of trillion dollars or so in the next year, to buy a couple of trillion dollars or so of Treasury debt in the next year, so that the despicable Obama administration can deficit-spend a couple trillion dollars or so in the next year.

James West, writes, “Here is the glaring hole in the United States Federal Reserve’s approach to what it calls stimulus, and what history will one day categorize as fraud: You can’t use your own debt to purchase more debt when you can’t repay the original debt. The crime is compounded when you know you’re never going to repay the debt. It amounts to treason to intentionally destroy the integrity of the nation’s money.”

And how do they intend to get away with it? Easy! He explains, “The Federal Reserve’s ability to ‘purchase’ US Treasury Bills is completely dependent on the fact that there is no overseer above the Board of Governors of the US Federal Reserve to call an end to such self-destructive, immoral, and just plain criminal behavior.”

In short, Congress can stop them, but doesn’t!

In The Financial Times, Martin Feldstein writes, “The Federal Reserve’s proposed policy of quantitative easing is a dangerous gamble with only a small potential upside benefit and substantial risks of creating asset bubbles that could destabilise the global economy. Although the US economy is weak and the outlook uncertain, QE is not the right remedy.”

The reason is that “Under the label of QE, the Fed will buy long-term government bonds, perhaps one trillion dollars or more, adding an equal amount of cash to the economy and to banks’ excess reserves. Expectation of this has lowered long-term interest rates, depressed the dollar’s international value, bid up the price of commodities and farm land and raised share prices.” Inflation! There it is!

Even worse, The Wall Street Journal reports their “Number of the Week” is $10.2 trillion, which is, “How much the governments of the economically advanced nations will need to borrow in 2011.”

As for just us idiotic Americans who have elected the guys who allowed the Federal Reserve to destroy the dollar by monstrous over-issuance, the International Monetary Fund estimates that “The US will need to find about $4.2 trillion, 9% more than 2010 and equal to 28% of the country’s projected economic output in 2011.”

The good news is that buying gold, silver and oil now to fabulously capitalize on the horrific inflation in consumer prices that all of this quantitative easing madness will cause makes buying them such a no-brainer that “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

I thought I had seen and heard it all after the ludicrous Ben Bernanke, asinine chairman of the Federal Reserve, announced that the official (and thus a lie!) 2% inflation in prices was too, too low, and he wanted higher inflation because, somehow, in some weird little fantasy world that only he and other neo-Keynesian econometric cyber-nerds can see, higher inflation is “consistent with the mandate of the Fed” to achieve stable prices (zero inflation)! Hahahaha!

This is so bizarre that I had a hard time dealing with it, as I have enough problems of my own in distinguishing reality from my own weird little mental world without this dimwit forcing his schizophrenia on me.

So I cleverly doubled up on some of my medications, which didn’t help much, although I finally did relax enough to unclench one fist.

Of course, the other mandate of the Fed came in the ’70s when Hubert Humphrey and other leftist weirdo morons changed the Fed’s charter to include a mission to, somehow, with magic perhaps but certainly with creating more and more money and driving interest rates down and down, always maximize employment. Maximize employment! How convenient an excuse for the Fed to create more money!

And speaking of maximizing, I thought I had, with this one statement by the chairman of the Federal Reserve to purposely create the horror of higher inflation, maximally achieved a state of complete loathing for the Federal Reserve.

With my newfound Maximum Mogambo Contempt (MMC) for Ben Bernanke and the Federal Reserve, you can imagine that I was not very surprised to see an essay with the title “Three Horrifying Facts About the US Debt Situation” by Graham Summers of gainspainscapital.com.

Initially, I was “ho-hum” mostly because I can, offhand, think of about a thousand horrifying facts about the US debt situation, and that is all without even touching upon the inflationary horror of the federal government deficit-spending untold trillions of dollars per year, year after year, increasing the national debt by borrowing an avalanche of money that the foul Federal Reserve magically creates out of thin air, and that the Federal Reserve will itself use, in an outrageous episode of historically treacherous monetary infamy known as “monetizing the debt,” to buy the trillions and trillions of T-bonds, a terrifying example of fiscal and monetary insanity that will, to wax poetic, reverberate through the ages.

You can tell by the way I ended that paragraph with a mere period instead of an exclamation point to denote horror and terror that I was pretty bored.

Well, I was, until he went on that, firstly, “The US Fed is now the second largest owner of US Treasuries” after just recently overtaking the stash of US bonds owned by Japan, “leaving China as the only country with greater ownership of US Debt.”

To his credit, he went on that the horror is that “we’re printing money to buy it. Setting aside the fact that this is abject lunacy, this policy is trashing our currency which has fallen 13% since June…as in four months ago. Want an explanation for why stocks, commodities, and gold are exploding higher?”

I raised my hand to make a comment about how, “We’re Freaking Doomed!” but before I could interrupt, he went on that, secondly, “There are only about $550 billion of Treasuries outstanding with a remaining maturity of greater than 10 years.”

Out of all this, he deduces the third point, which is that “The US will Default on its Debt.”

Apparently, he had a second thought about that “will default” thing, as he says, correctly, “either that or experience hyperinflation. There is simply no other option.”

I am happy to see that Mr. Summers still maintains some of that sunny optimism of youth, a quality that I completely lost years ago when the realization of the immense degree of stupidity and corruption in the world crushed my hopes, when he says that there are no other options except default or hyperinflation.

I say, ominously, which explains the scary and ominous soundtrack, that the other option is (pause for effect) “both.”

And speaking of “both” if ever there was a time when you should buy both gold and silver, this is it! And the fact that you can get them by merely plunking down depreciating Federal Reserve Notes in payment should make you giddy with delight, so that you giggle as you say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

I was in the living room, happily reading as the kids quietly watched a show on TV that was even more insipid than their usual choice of mesmerizing mindless pap.

I was thinking to myself, “How pleasant! No noise! No strife! No arguing! No social workers telling me I have to do this for the kids, or do that for the kids, or stop doing this to the kids, or stop doing that to the kids!”

Of course, this makes me think of having police cars lighting up the whole neighborhood with their many blinking lights and their banging on my door to “investigate” reports of a deranged old man who has been disrupting the peace by yelling at his neighbors that they were stupid for not buying gold, silver and oil as a strategy of desperation against the raging inflation that is Super Freaking Guaranteed (SFG) because of the creations of massive amounts of money by the Federal Reserve to finance buying the of massive amounts of T-bonds that pay for massive amounts of federal government deficit-spending!

Parenthetically, if this police-action thing ever happens to you, then here’s an Invaluable Mogambo Tip (IMT): Don’t say anything. Say nothing. Wait for a lawyer.

Do not respond with the truth and say, “It’s true! The Federal Reserve is destroying the buying power of the dollar by simply creating so much of them, year after year, and the dollars are being jammed into the economy via astonishing, cataclysmic amounts of federal government deficit-spending, which means that ruinous, catastrophic, excruciatingly painful inflation in prices and economic collapse are 100% guaranteed, and thus it is true that anybody who doesn’t buy gold, silver and oil is doomed! Including my stupid neighbors!”

Looking back on the whole sorry episode with the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, I can see that my mistake was in continuing on, donating my Valuable Mogambo Time (VMT) trying to be helpful and educational to the police, who I thought would appreciate me going out of my way for them. Try to be a nice guy, and look what happens to you!

I say this because transcripts and recordings show, and thus I can prove, that I graciously and generously went on to patiently explain to them, “You stinking, police-state, goon squad storm-troopers are here to silence the Mogambo Voice Of Truth (MVOT) as it rings out — loud as a bastard! — the truth, as is implied in the unforgettable acronym MVOT, which is that We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!

“And we are doomed because of such massive, crushing debt, accumulated by people to buy massive amounts of final-user goods and consumption, and to foster a monstrous Frankenstein of an ever-inflating government-centric economy created by a calamitous continually deficit-spending federal government, a seemingly impossible feat made completely possible only by the calamitous, disastrous, treacherous Federal Reserve creating outrageous amounts of new money that will cause inflation in prices!”

The transcript doesn’t show it, but it is at this point where everyone for blocks around was gathered outside, chanting, “Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!” at the police, and I could hear the kids whispering, “Hear that, mom? They are going to shoot!” and how they wanted to go outside, too!

My wife whispers back, saying, “But what if they miss? We had better just hide in the kitchen!” which is where, I suddenly realize, the last piece of fried chicken was that I was saving for myself, and now somebody will eventually get the idea to look in the refrigerator, and they’ll see it, and they’ll decide to eat it, probably figuring that my bullet-riddled corpse would have no use for fried chicken, which, I have to agree, is impeccable logic. But still!

Anyway, the audio record shows that the crowd is now chanting, “Shoot to kill! Shoot to kill!” over and over while the cops are explaining that they can’t just shoot me because there are “hostages” in here with me, which surprised me, but I assume they mean the wife and kids hiding in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, I am clearly yelling through the door, “It is an insane, disgusting, bizarre, despicable display of monetary and fiscal incest that always produces a mutant economy and inflation in prices, a destructive arrangement which can only be maintained by more — always more and more! — deficit-spending and money creation to maintain a constantly rising inflation, year after year, yea unto hyperinflation and total ruination!”

I thought I had made a dramatic closing when I opened the door, stepped out into the bright, blinding glare of lights, threw my arms up and out in a grand gesture, and said, “And all of this is manifestly, indisputably true because that is Exactly The Way (ETW) that it has worked out every time — and I mean Every Freaking Time (EFT)! — in the last 4,500 freaking years of history, which is a sad, sickening story of one corrupt government after another borrowing and spending, and borrowing and spending, and borrowing and spending until it had borrowed more than it could repay, and always for the suicidal, live-for-today privilege of temporarily enjoying the growth of a twisted, bloated, dysfunctional, government-centric economy, which the recognition of, and problems of, seem to be the sole province of the Austrian school of economics, which you dumb cops would know if you had ever been to mises.org and gotten a nice, free, easy education in the One True Economic Theory (OTET), instead of harassing a misunderstood prophet of doom, who is just trying to save his ungrateful and stupid neighbors from the inflationary, catastrophic doom of a corrupt government and a filthy Federal Reserve that is going to befall this country and its people, including you dumb cops!”

Well, the police immediately settled down at the appearance of a seemingly incoherent, unarmed old man. And while they were hustling me away, you could hear me on the recording, my voice growing fainter and fainter, saying, “So buy gold, silver and oil to protect yourselves, you morons! Gold, silver and oil! And if you don’t, then you actually are dumb cops, and about whom I implied as much at the end of the previous paragraph!”

You can see that it is difficult to get the message out about buying gold, silver and oil as a defense against the government and Federal Reserve destroying us with overspending and over-creation of money, respectively.

But you will be happy to know that buying gold, silver and oil stocks is so easy that you will say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

In my email I got a forwarded essay titled “Profit from the Collapse of Debt-Fueled Growth” by a guy named Jim Quinn.

It was immediately interesting to me, as I am a guy whose natural lazy and greedy nature makes me instantly attracted by things that start out with the word “Profit,” especially if the word “Easy” is also included.

Thus, I am intrigued enough to read on, in case it was!

I read on, finding economic horror after economic horror until, at the end of the piece, he presents a chart titled “Total Debt Balance and its Composition” from the FRBNY’s Consumer Credit Panel. The chart shows that total private debt (mortgage debt, home equity debt, credit card debt, car debt, etc.) peaked in 2008 at $12.5 trillion, where most of it (75%) was (and still is) mortgage debt.

Since then, total debt has fallen to $11.7 trillion in the first quarter of 2010, which is a fall in (theoretically) spending of $800 billion spread over two years, which is Bad, Bad News (BBN) for an economy based on financed-consumption, as one leg of the economy is gone. A one-legged economy!

And if Mr. Schiller is right about housing needing to fall another 20%, then, at 75% of outstanding debt, more Bad, Bad News (BBN) is on the way! Yikes!

Perhaps the lesson is that a one-legged economy fares as does the Black Knight in the Monty Python and the Holy Grail movie, who had his remaining leg whacked off (whack!), who was (admittedly), already missing both his arms and one leg (whack whack whack!) by this scene in the film, with the analogy being Uncle Sam reeling from the sudden amputations of the housing implosion (whack!), the commercial property implosion (whack!), the retail sales implosion (whack!), terrifyingly relentless Federal Reserve monetary expansion (whack whack!), now trying to achieve a new, completely insane “targeted” price inflation of 5% (whack whack whack!), which will be achieved automatically because of the insane levels of money-creation necessary to finance astonishing, suicidal levels of federal deficit-spending (whack whack whack whack!).

I am aware that the persistent use of the word “whack” sounds quite comical and duck-like to many of you, particularly the use of the rare “quadruple whack” appearing here, as far as I know, for the first time in history, as is apropos for (as far as I know) the first time in history where an idiot nation with a $14 trillion GDP has nonetheless amassed $13.5 trillion in national debt, $11.7 in personal debt, trillions more in business debt, trillions more in bank liabilities, and a gigantic overhang of shadowy derivatives, once estimated to total more than a quadrillion dollars, and all financed on astounding, insane, impossible margins of 20-to-1, 30-to-1, 40-to-1, 50-to-1, and more! Sometimes much more! Sometimes much, much more!

I left the overuse of “whacking” stay as written, mostly since I am too lazy to go back and change it to something less comedic, and don’t bother writing me any emails complaining, as I will cleverly claim that I purposely left it all in, so as to provide some comic relief to the nightmarish, claustrophobic sense unremitting gloom and imminent destruction found everywhere.

There is no need to thank me, as this little levity is just another free service cheerfully provided by The Mogambo Institute (TMI), formerly a serious research and policy think-tank, but which quickly devolved into just a sad little “club” for a lecherous old man who likes to fritter away his life drinking and watching pretty girls pole-dancing.

Nonetheless, the chance to humorously sound like a duck — whack whack whack whack! — will be one of the few bright spots in the economy for (checking my watch for the exact time so as to be as accurate as possible) the rest of your freaking life.

Even more Bad, Bad News (BBN) is that Mr. Quinn reports that Lowe’s, Wal-Mart, Target and Kohl’s have doubled — or more! — the number of stores in their chains since 2000, according to the “Annual Store Count Growth” provided by RetailSails.com, yet, unfortunately, “Annual Sales Growth (YoY % Chg)” for both “Total Sales” and “Same-Store Sales” for each of them has trended down for a decade! Yikes! Bad news a-plenty!

And not only have sales trended down, but down and down! Down to where the demons dwell, down into retail hell, down into “zero growth” makes you yell before now sliding into what I extrapolate linearly as “negative growth,” down to where Sheer Freaking Panic (SFP) ensues and the boards of directors begin screaming about why didn’t they just put all that money into gold, silver and oil like The Magnificent Mogambo (TMM) is always yelling to do, and then they would have So Freaking Much Money (SFMM) that it wouldn’t matter if anybody buys anything in their stupid stores or not! And they can give themselves humongous bonuses! And full health insurance, and company cars, for everybody!

“Thank you, Wonderful And Handsome Mogambo (WAHM)!” Lowe’s, Wal-Mart, Target and Kohl’s employees would say! “Thank you for coming to this planet and saving our miserable Earthling butts with the profoundly wise advice to buy gold, silver and oil when our central bank is insanely creating too much money and the federal government is too corrupt and cowardly to stop deficit-spending so that total government spending is half of GDP! Thank you! Thank you, WAHM! Thank you for making us wealthy!”

Of course, Lowe’s, Wal-Mart, Target and Kohl’s did not follow my advice, and this is just another example of life’s many examples of “Too soon old, too late wise” in action, unless, of course, you were a true Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) with a distinct Austrian School of Economics inclination, and you have invested everything you own in gold, silver and oil as classical, guaranteed protection against the massive price inflation that will be consuming us very soon as a result of such massive, unbelievable government deficit-spending and outrageous, massive money-creation by the unfettered, foul Federal Reserve.

Another example of “Too soon old, too late wise” is that this boom-bust cycle in retail chains was entirely predictable, as Casey’s Daily Dispatch newsletter reminds us that it was “interference with interest rates, pushing them well below where the free market would have set them, that set in motion the classic boom-bust cycle we’ve just witnessed. F.A. Hayek won the Nobel Prize for showing how central banks like the Federal Reserve, by interfering with interest rates and not allowing them to tell entrepreneurs the truth about economic conditions, divert the economy into unsustainable configurations that inevitably come undone in a crash. (Hayek belongs to a tradition of free-market thought called the Austrian School of economics).”

So why the title “Profit from the Collapse of Debt-Fueled Growth”? Mr. Quinn never does say, but it must have something to do with going short these retail stocks, as he ends with, “Lowe’s, Wal-Mart, Target, and Kohl’s have yet to recognize their predicament. They are still blinded by their hubris. The point of recognition will occur within the next year. Each of these retailers will be closing hundreds of underperforming stores in the next two years.” Yikes!

But as long as there are retail outlets for gold, silver and oil stocks, then for those who buy them it will not be, “Yikes! They’re closing all the retail stores where Junior and Maybelle work, and now we’re all freaking doomed!” but instead it will be the happily-ever-after story of, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

Things are getting so, so, so weird that I was locked inside the Mogambo Bunker Of Panic (MBOP), looking through the periscope to keep a vigilant watch for the social explosion outside that was coming, I figured, so, so soon, with my finger on the trigger of something fully loaded and reassuringly .45 caliber, and a slice of yummy pizza in my one free hand to keep my energy level up via the universal Magic Of The Pepperoni (MOTP).

To show you that I am not over-reacting like the hyper-excitable, gun-nut, gold-bug, Austrian school of economics kind of weird guy that I actually am, here is an example of the corrupt, game-playing crap going on with the Federal Reserve and the Treasury: On Wednesday, 9/29/10, the national debt was $13.466 trillion. The next day, 9/30, it goes to $13.561 trillion. Again, “the next day,” 10/1, the start of the new federal fiscal year, it rises to $13.610 trillion!

This $144 billion is a staggering lot of borrowing that, somehow, happened in Two Freaking Days (TFD)! This is $72 billion per day! This is the government borrowing — per day! — almost $240 for every man, woman and child in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC)! Gaaaahhhh!

The scream at the end of the previous paragraph is Secret Mogambo Code (SMC) to alert all Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) to buy more gold, silver and oil as fast as they can, because of this kind of monstrous liquidity injection by governmental deficit-spending, made possible by a crazily irresponsible Federal Reserve literally creating the money necessary, and then, committing a central-banking sin known as “monetizing the debt,” the Fed used the money to buy the debt that the government wanted to sell!! Gaaaahhhh!

As many have deciphered by now, the concluding “Gaaaahhh!” of the previous paragraph, combined with the double exclamation points of the previous sentence, is surely more Secret Mogambo Code (SMC), available only to Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs), although you can probably figure out what is Freaking Me Out (FMO), which is always the same thing FMO, making that whole Secret Mogambo Code (SMC) thing just another piece of Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC), as implied by their identical acronyms.

Anyway, this $144 billion in additional federal debt, accumulated in Two Freaking Days (TFD), is, annualized at this astounding rate for each of the government’s roughly 250 working days per year, an outrageous $18 trillion a year! This incomprehensible sum is about $5 trillion more than the entire GDP of America! And more than half of GDP is already composed of government spending right now! We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD)!

We are doomed for allowing the Federal Reserve to create so much more fiat money, which creates inflation in prices, which is why I probably noticed, in Barron’s, that the new Gross Domestic Product Deflator for the second quarter of 2010 is a laughably-low 1.9%, which is almost double the previous quarter’s also-laughably-low 1.0% inflation!

By this rude disrespect and outright loathing I mean inflation — by the most conservative of estimates of inflation that can be cooked up — is still growing by 90% in one quarter! Inflation is growing at 1,303% a year, compounded? Yikes! Yikes! Yikes!

Okay, I admit I am being stupidly simplistic, overly dramatic and acting irresponsibly in every sense of the word, in that I am writing this Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) at my desk when I should be working, but I am surely going to get fired anyway, so what’s the point, ya know what I mean?

Obviously I am wasting my time, and your time, in being silly, especially in light of everyone else thinking that 2% inflation is OK, it certainly seems OK with Congress and with most egghead academic economists, while I am the only guy who is freaked out by it.

And I haven’t heard much of a gasp from any of them about Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, now “targeting” monetary policy to achieve a suicidal 5% inflation in prices! Insane!

So, here at the end, here at the “bust” part of the boom-bust cycle, it looks like it will be a race! How exciting!

So which will it be? Will the price of gold go so high so quickly that I can tell my boss that I quit, and how I am thrilled to wash my hands of this stupid company, its stupid employees and stupid customers always calling me hurtful names like “incompetent bonehead,” with which I totally disagree, and “lazy, gold-bug moron,” which is a little nearer the truth.

And as a lazy, gold-bug moron, all I do is simply buy gold, silver and oil when the Federal Reserve is acting so insanely irresponsible, especially so that the federal government can desperately deficit-spend, and doubly-especially when the money concerned is around 10% of GDP!

With horrifying facts like that screaming at you, “We’re freaking doomed!” buying gold, silver and oil is, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” in all its glorious action! Whee!

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty

I have grown old yelling at my neighbors and family members to buy gold, silver and oil, to little-to-no avail, and I can see that they are getting bored with my same old million reasons why they should, and how their deliberate inaction only proves their stupidity, which I never tire of pointing out, so they can’t say that they “didn’t know” that they were stupid.

So, recently, I was standing in the street outside of Griswald’s house, telling Old Man Griswald how he was an idiot for not buying gold, silver and oil as the only rational defense against the inflationary horror unleashed when his own stupid government (that he and his loathsome Leftist friends elected over and over again) was deficit-spending so unbelievably much money, dutifully created by the foul Federal Reserve, which is a complete failure as an institution if ever there was one, having destroyed 98% of the buying power of the US dollar since the Fed’s inception in 1913 by creating too much money and credit, when their original purpose was to “keep prices stable,” to which I cynically laugh in Sneering Mogambo Rebuke (SMR) “Hahahaha!”

You can probably imagine that I was, as usual, getting pretty worked up by my long harangue, and I was just getting to my famous angry summation of, “If you don’t buy gold, silver and oil with all your money, then you are making the Biggest Freaking Mistake (BFM) of your life, you moron!” when, suddenly, Griswald himself opened the door!

He hollered out how the biggest mistake he ever made was to choose to live in a place so near to me, and how I am some kind of weirdo, gun-nut, gold-bug bozo.

I am, of course, cleverly rebutting his every point by reminding him that he is an idiot for not buying gold, silver and oil because of that, you know, government deficit-spending thing, and how the Fed is creating so much new money, which increases the money supply, which makes prices go up, which makes people upset, which leads to disquieting things like the French Revolution, and the Russian Revolution, and people like him getting destroyed financially.

I even reminded him that the M2 measure of the money supply is up about $400 billion in the last 12 months, and even though the monetary base was up only about $220 billion, taking it to $1.987 trillion.

And, of course, I mentioned how the Federal Reserve is back to increasing Total Fed Credit (the fabled magical fairy-dust credit that becomes many, many times bigger when it finally becomes money, adds to the money supply and causes the misery of price inflation), which took this particular stinking load of lies and fraud up another $2.7 billion last week, taking the Fed’s total “cost of Fed incompetence” to a staggering $2.289 trillion. So far.

Well, you can take Griswald off of your list of People Scared And Buying Gold (PSABG), but there are apparently plenty more who are not, particularly Europeans, as we learn from the Northwest Territorial Mint’s newsletter that the World Gold Council (WGC) reported recently that “during the last two years there has been an ‘extraordinary increase’ in the retail demand for physical gold products in Europe,” which must be significant because “European demand represented 40% of global demand for gold in 2009.” Global!

Now, I am second-to-none in raw xenophobia, paranoia or conspiracy theorizing, especially as concerns Europeans, which is a phobia somewhere on the Mogambo list of the Top 100 Scary Things (T100ST), probably categorized somewhere below “Werewolves” but above “Total strangers who seem to hold a grudge against me, talk about me behind my back, and plot against me,” which, I note for the record, is what foreigners do!

I can’t help but notice that foreigners are always talking in some foreign language which I can’t understand, which proves — proves! — that they are talking about me and hatching ways to hurt me, or else they would speak in English so that I could understand them. Can’t you see how it all fits together? It’s obvious!

Well, I can tell by the stunned expression on everyone’s faces that they do NOT “see how it all fits together.” After an embarrassing silence that seemed like an eternity, with everyone looking at me with a mixture of disgust and disbelief on their faces, finally the spell was broken when the Mint went on that in the second quarter of 2010, Europe was still “the source of 35% of the world’s demand for small gold bars and coins,” whereas just two years ago, European demand for gold had been only a “relatively insignificant” 7% of global demand.

And since nothing in the macroeconomic environment has changed except to get worse, then the soon-to-be panicked buying of gold and silver by people and institutions worldwide will hand Huge Freaking Profits (HFP) to those who buy these magical metals now at bargain levels, which makes it so easy that you giggle with delight, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”

Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.

The Best of Richard Daughty