Free-Dumb: The Conservative’s Definition

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Ever notice how difficult it is to type with your fists? It kills accuracy, disturbs the neighbors and it wreaks havoc on your keyboard. This is my 3rd one so far today.

There’s more than enough outrageous crap served up by the lamestream media to provide ample reasons for your simple scribbler to be so adversely effected. One would think after all these years of pushing mics around, I’d be more a Carrier than a Victim. But these last few months separated from the rigors of prepping for a daily 3 hour show and working on the birthing of theLibertas Media Project, the therapeutic aspects of daily Talk Show hosting have been sorely missed. Absent the obligation I have had the dubious opportunity to listen occasionally to the “Giants” in my business, the indulgently compensated, contractually secure and religiously adored Hosts who dominate 9 prime time hours of the top Talk stations in the Top 100+ radio markets, preaching Conservative sermons mostly to the choir, the congregation and Those of Little Faith held captive and tortured by the sound systems of the modern days Devil’s Island: auto service departments or various waiting rooms from which there is no practical escape.

Being “in the biz”, I am generally immune to the brand of “info-tainment” perfected by the Terrible Triumvirate of Talk: All Conservatism, All The Time – non-stop bashing of Congress, Liberals/Progressives and the present administration. Not that they individually and collectively haven’t strenuously earned every syllable of criticism, denunciation, condemnation and ridicule; not at all. However, to believe and preach the tenets of Conservatism represent the antidote for these deadly infections of the Republic is the Talk radio equivalent of malpractice.

One of the most egregious examples was performed Tuesday, March 19th at precisely 1:50pm EDT on hundreds of radio stations, before millions of ditto-hea….listeners “across the fruited plane”. How this unexpurgated expectoration did not induce mass projectile vomiting onto radios and car dashboards everywhere is now in a 3-way tie for the Greatest New Mystery of Modern Broadcasting, vying with the riveting comedy-drama genius of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and the unsightly discharge of a Bill O’Reilly show. The judges – all leading gastroenterologists – remain hopelessly deadlocked.

But I digress.

Assuming the greater intelligentsia that consumes LRC postings has eschewed (and spit out) the likes of Limbaugh in any hope of an enlightening listening experience, I offer the audio proof of the crime against Fact, History, Intelligence and Freedom as referenced above.

WARNING: The following audio sound bite has been shown to be deleterious to mental prowess, digestive systems and sensitive computer equipment. Side effects are nausea, frequent urination, lower IQ and SAT scores, conversational vacuity, verbal diarrhea, exploding dandruff and higher utility bills. Not to be played in front of children under 26 still living at home and covered under a parent’s health insurance.

Click here for audio sound bite

If you are among those teeming multitudes who are Computerly Challenged (or just stuck with Windows Vista), I have provided a transcription of the actual offending sound bite. WARNING: The same WARNING above applies.

Hey folks, you want to hear an undeniable truth of life? It is this: you cannot fully appreciate the freedom in this country… (ah) let me say plural, you cannot fully appreciate the freedoms in this country, nor can you understand them, and I’m serious, without appreciating America’s history. One of the big problems we face, two big problems we – well, it’s hard to codify, one or two… so many people no longer know what the true source of prosperity is. But I think something else dangerous, in a sense, is happening, and that is the definition of freedom that is bastardizing the concept. Freedom is (sic) come to mean hedonism to a lot of people – just do whatever you want, as long as you’re not hitting anybody, as long as you’re not harming anybody, as long as you’re not offending anybody – just whatever you want. Nobody’s right to tell you what you can’t do. And that’s not what freedom is. But without understanding American history, you may not understand that. And so the people at Hillsdale College…

So there it is.

According to my esteemed colleague Mr. Limbaugh, the Founder and Big Head of the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies, the self-proclaimed “Doctor of Democracy”, the self-anointed All Knowing, All Seeing, ALL Laundry Detergent Maja Rushdie, Authority on Virtually Everything and (allegedly) “proven correct 99.769% of the time” – or so he tells us ad nauseam – has determined and now stipulates what we must conclude is the Conservative definition of Freedom.

Sidebar: I admit to having issues with the distinction between a Conservative and a Republican. Best I can surmise, Conservatives are actually Republicans who are supremely pissed-off at what passes for “GOP Leadership” and go to church a lot. They would actually prefer a Theocracy as long as Christ turned out to be a Baptist or Methodist or whatever faith the particular Conservative professed. Being raised an Unrepentant Episcofailure (a.k.a. “Junior Varsity Catholic”), I see it as a distinction without a difference. However, according to this latest pontification from behind the Golden Microphone (not Calf), Conservatives believe a person living a life without adverse notoriety, conducting him/herself in a manner which harms no one, offends no one, steals from no one is merely a hedonist, “bastardizing the concept” of Freedom! One could conclude, without the guiding force of a Conservative administration, complete with a strict Judeo-Christian Revised Code of Laws and Regulations, we’re doomed! Well!

Here Endth the Sidebar

While repulsive to the sheer concept of Freedom, it certainly does – to use Limbaugh’s unnatural word – codify the meaning and application of Freedom on Planet Conservative. To quote from a discussion with Lew Rockwell: “If that isn’t Freedom, what is? Does one need an omnipotent, intrusive government telling you what to eat, drink and how to live in order to be Free? Is dropping bombs on people in foreign countries for political gain and collateral damage an act of Freedom? Is destroying lives and economies around the world an act of Freedom?”

Mr. Conservative would have us believe Freedom extends only as far as the Conservative Right’s theocratic yearnings permit. For Conservatives, the 10 Commandments may take precedent over the first 10 Amendments to the Constitution, the Bill of Rights. Fine with me if Conservatives choose to believe thus but when you envision America a “shining city” that can only exist with enforcement – emphasis on FORCE – of your personal belief system over mine, when mine poses no threat to yours but yours does to me, we are no longer allies per se. If Limbaugh is correct, Conservatives are just as much enemies of Freedom as Democrats, Liberals, Progressives, Socialists, Statists and all the other –ists and –isms that love initiating force, employing the force of law and the power of government, against those who freely choose not to believe as they do. Despite the fact it causes no harm to them or their beliefs, it is offensive to those of us who believe in unadulterated Freedom, Liberty and the sanctity of the individual, his life and property. Freedom is not an –ism.

Consider the great focusing quote of economist and author, Tom Sowell: “The most basic question is not what is best, but who shall decide what is best“. Who wants this or any other government deciding what’s best for them? Do you want or need a Ruler over your life? Whatever your answer, it is your answer. Faith notwithstanding, you and the rest of the congregation do not have the authority to superimpose your beliefs on others or engage a straw man like Government thugs to do it for you. There’s another name for that and it sure as hell ain’t Freedom.

Damn! There goes another keyboard…..

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