It Made My Teeth Hurt

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Recently by Brian Wilson: Show Prep Re-do

     

Against the advice of my doctor, wife and better judgment, I watched the Grand Finally to the DNC. (See Show Prep Re-Do)

Memo to self: Never ignore advice from doctor, wife or better judgment.

But I digress…

Biden has been made the vice presidential candidate. From the voice vote, Democrats like Biden a lot more than God or Jerusalem.

Obama’s care for our economy is best compared to barbers bleeding the sick. His economic ideas are as useless and outdated as leeches.

Kerry, the catsup gigolo, is adding his lying praise of Obama, the man who shot Bin Laden. Did I mention Kerry served in Vietnam? Was Kerry against Obama before he was for him?

Sarah Palin, “This is a bunch of bunk.” That should be tonight’s theme for this convention, “Bunk!”

OK – Is Biden describing Hitler’s rise to power or Obama’s? Now he wants to compare the Obama supporters to the boys who fought World War II. “The financial collapse hit like a sledge hammer” and Obama spiked the dead cat bounce like a volley ball. Funny, the term “bootlicker” just popped into my head. Kerry gave us bin Laden and Biden is giving us General Motors. I believe Biden has been stealing material from Profiles in Courage not Dreams From My Father. Now Biden has gone to the other half of his bumper sticker, “the man who shot Osama bin Laden.” Since Biden hasn’t put a foot in his mouth, I assume both feet have been nailed to the floor. Biden’s mom called him Joey. Does that make Obama, “Dennis the Menace?” Oh dear God! Biden pulled out a crowbar is trying to pry up a foot. I can hear it creak. Still stuck. He goes for it again! Only a quick toe suck. He must have magnetic taps on his shoes. Two Secret Service agents are holding Biden down by the ankles. Now shackled to the TelePrompTer. Biden finishes speech.

Damn. Just damn.

Obama on stage. Speaks of wife, daughter and Biden but ever so shortly because we are here for the serious business of talking about Him. He calls it “The Great Recession.” Obama is channeling FDR. Obama says, the Republicans want your votes but won’t tell you their plans. I bet two Patron shooters, we will not hear a plan from Obama by the end of this speech.

“We cut oil imports by a million barrels a day” because people don’t have jobs to commute to. “A better path”: code words for Tax and Spend.

The threat to my children’s future is standing on stage lying into my face. “… that is not our future.” No, look to Greece; that is our future.

“I promised to end the war in Iraq.” We handed over to Iran. “I shot Osama bin Laden.” Don’t forget Government Motors is still alive.

Now he has just waded into silly lies. The only change sweeping across the Middle East is Armageddon.

“I want to restore the tax code to a time when the president banged interns in the Oval Office.”

Time out: I have to grab my Emergency Duct Tape.

… “We are told only taxes and less regulation can save our economy. Since the government can't do everything, it should do little.” YES! YES! YES! you blithering, flaming idiot! That Is The Answer! Hold it close and cherish it, you damn fool. “Self government” is true only if you mean yourself.

Wait….why is the crowd booing? (Insert heavy sigh here)

A convention without balloons is like a horse without apples. Instead the Godless have brought in a priest.

I have had only one plea for this government since I fought in the War on Puberty: “Get the hell out of the way.” I don’t want the government to be my mommy and/or daddy. I am a free man not a taxpayer identification number. I agree to the terms of the US Constitution and demand the government adhere to it. I asked no more than to live my life in peace. Yet, I’m asked to suffer tyrants. My God given Rights have been replaced by the slavery of providing man-made “rights” to others: the right to housing, the right to health care, the right to welfare, the right to steal from my life, liberty and happiness. How did my life and my rights become subject to a vote?

Don't ya just hate rhetorical questions?

Finis

Memo to self: Stay thirsty, my friend.

Brian Wilson [send him mail], nationally ignored talk show host and occasional LRC un-indicted co-contributor, is currently annoying miniscule audiences in a number of markets from his technically challenged studios safely outside the dictatorship of Toledo. Brian may be endured from 3p–6p at www.wspd.com.

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