Julian Assange Captured by World's Dating Police

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Dear Interpol:

As a longtime
feminist activist, I have been overjoyed to discover your new commitment
to engaging in global manhunts to arrest and prosecute men who behave
like narcissistic jerks to women they are dating.

I see that
Julian Assange is accused of having consensual sex with two women,
in one case using a condom that broke. I understand, from the alleged
victims’ complaints to the media
, that Assange is also accused
of texting and tweeting in the taxi on the way to one of the women’s
apartments while on a date, and, disgustingly enough, ‘reading stories
about himself online’ in the cab.

Both alleged
victims are also upset that he began dating a second woman while
still being in a relationship with the first. (Of course, as a feminist,
I am also pleased that the alleged victims are using feminist-inspired
rhetoric and law to assuage what appears to be personal injured
feelings. That’s what our brave suffragette foremothers intended!).

Thank you again,
Interpol. I know you will now prioritize the global manhunt for
1.3 million guys I have heard similar complaints about personally
in the US alone – there is an entire fraternity at the University
of Texas you need to arrest immediately. I also have firsthand information
that John Smith in Providence, Rhode Island, went to a stag party
– with strippers! – that his girlfriend wanted him to skip, and
that Mark Levinson in Corvallis, Oregon, did not notice that his
girlfriend got a really cute new haircut – even though it was THREE

Go get ‘em, Interpol!

Yours gratefully,

and correction
: The Guardian has, since I wrote this
original post based on the Daily Mail, reported that the
two women’s complaints to Swedish police centered on the alleged
misuse of or failure to use condoms, which can be illegal in Sweden.

10, 2010

Naomi Wolf is the
author of The
End of America
and Give
Me Liberty

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