Previously by Richard Daughty: Rounding Up the Culprits of Rising Prices
I am standing on the corner of the street, doing my duty to “give back” to society, in this case by yelling at morons passing by in the cars, “We’re freaking doomed, you moron! Your own stupid government has destroyed you by letting the foul, fetid, festering Federal Reserve create too much money that they stupidly, stupidly, stupidly did as part of the stupid neo-Keynesian econometric theoretical lunacy that has mesmerized them, so that a shiny computer in front of a neo-Keynesian econometric economist is like a shiny toy in front of a monkey, and which has mesmerized the Fed and the government for similar reasons, and with similar results, in that the toy is now broken, the monkey cut its hand on the broken toy, the cut is infected, and there is a good chance that the monkey will die a horrible, painful death! Hahaha! How do you like them apples? Horrible, painful death! We’re freaking doomed, including you and your hotshot car with the radio turned up real loud, trying to drown me out! And stop honking at me! I have rights, you moron!”
My original Mogambo Business Plan (MBP) was that passing motorists would be so thrilled with my message that they would give me lots and lot of money, saying, “Right, on, dude! Here’s all of my money to help you spread the word that inflation in prices is the Worst News Of All (WNOA), and that the Federal Reserve is creating it right in front of our stupid faces.”
Alas, the hypothesized cash flow did not materialize, which is why I am also holding a sign that says, “Homeless disabled vet. Please help.” As part of my legal defense, this is not a complete lie, as it is actually true that I am a veteran, and it must be true that I am disabled since everyone, my whole life, has always agreed with my parents, my teachers, my bosses, my wife, my kids, my neighbors and even complete freaking strangers standing next to me at a lousy bus stop, for crying out loud, who think that there is “something wrong” with me.
In case that approach to getting money doesn’t work, either, I also have another sign that says, “Lose weight fast, easy and cheap! Ask me how!”
Well, I have now become much more cynical about the average motorist in many regards, and I am ready to abandon my life of providing Mogambo Roadside Educational Seminars (MRES), and I thought that maybe I could go into something along the lines of making a scary movie that could get the message across in a more graphic and dramatic way, like the misery and suffering that would result from the Fed and the government succeeding in creating what the local superstitious townspeople call the Triple Freaking Horrors (TFH).
These are blood-sucking ghouls that stalk the bloody corridors of history and houses in ordinary subdivisions like yours, and which are, by name, the demon So Freaking Much Money (SFMM) to cause inflation, the attendant demon So Freaking Much Debt (SFMD) to cause deflation, and the suffocating, spiraling cost of supporting So Freaking Many People (SFMP).
All of these evil creatures will look like Really Hot Babes (RHB), dressed in scanty outfits, which is the only thing that can carry my lame analogy past the opening credits.
The crude anthropomorphism of evil made manifest and my lack of talent in writing screenplays aside, the underlying message is that that now ruinous, catastrophic boom-time inflation in consumer prices and calamitous bust-time deflation in dollar-dependent assets are, I am devastated to tell you, Abso-Freakly-Guaranteed (AFG), which, if you know anything about guarantees, are the best kind of guarantees.
Even Gene Epstein, in his Economic Beat column in Barron’s, seems so moved by the threat of inflation in prices that he makes a joke of it by humorously saying, “It seems to have become an article of faith: Cheaper goods and services are bad for us, costlier goods and services much healthier,” which is the only conclusion that one can draw from how “Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke expressed concern that price inflation isn’t running fast enough”!!!
The three exclamation points that I included at the end of that last sentence perform a variety of functions, the most important is that it indicates proof that Ben Bernanke is a treacherous, traitorous bastard, in that he is deliberately violating the reason that the Federal Reserve exists in the first place; to prevent inflation in prices!
Yet, here he is saying that not only is there inflation in prices, but that inflation is not high enough! Gaaaahhhhh!
Of course, the screaming “Gaaaahhhhh!” there at the end is only for those who, stupidly, do not buy gold, silver and oil when their government behaves in such a stupidly suicidal way.
Those who do buy gold, silver and oil stocks, on the other hand, say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.