How to Clean Like a Man

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Part of becoming
a man is picking up after yourself. Your mom used to do that for
you. Being a man means doing it yourself. You could be the best
dressed guy in town with an endless bankroll, but if your home looks
like a 14-year-old lives there, you’re dead in the eyes of
women. But taking pride
in cleanliness
isn’t just about attracting the ladies.
Keeping your place clean strengthens your discipline and attention
to detail, keeps you organized and productive, and simply makes
you feel good.

My mom was
committed to cleaning the same way Pete Rose was committed to gambling.
Every Saturday morning she was up cleaning and therefore the entire
family was up helping. Top to bottom including the basement, cleaning
the entire house.

Turns out having
a mother addicted to a dust free home will teach you a few things.
Here are the five steps you should consider following to clean your
place quickly and efficiently-like a man. Complete with tools and
techniques that’ll make it all go easier.

Step 1:
Crack a beer and put on some loud music.

no way around it, the next 45–90 minutes won’t be fun.
Might as well enjoy a decent beer and listen to your favorite album
while you’re at it. Loud and fast-tempo music will help keep
the boredom away. So skip the Pink Floyd. High alcohol microbrews
will make the experience more tolerable. So try something heavy.

Step 2:
Put all the clutter away.

No sense in
cleaning around the clutter. Your place will still look like a pit
if you do. The stack of mail, the shoes you took off while watching
the game, the bottles that never got taken out after poker night.
Clean it all up. Spend at least 10 minutes doing this.

Step 3:
Dust using a Swiffer Duster.

What a revolution
the Swiffer hath wrought. Not unlike the evolution of toilet paper
(i.e.: leaves begat Sears Roebuck catalog pages begat Charmin),
the Swiffer is the third and greatest leap in cleaning technology
for its category. The feather duster just pushes dust around. An
old sock or rag with pledge or Endust is a mess. The Swiffer uses
static electricity and an almost infinite amount of soft dust grabbing
fibers to clean. Use it on everything from wood to electronics.
Don’t doubt it. It works. Pick things up and dust under them.
Don’t dust around.

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16, 2010

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