Weve talked a lot about the Nice Guy Syndrome here on AoM. You know the guy. Big time people pleaser, always puts others before himself, lets people walk all over him. Heck, maybe youre that guy. These so-called Nice Guys might appear happy on the outside, but on the inside theyre feeling burnt out, resentful, and depressed.
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One trap that a lot of Nice Guys fall into is always saying Yes! to every request that comes their way. These yes men are afraid that people will stop liking them if they say no. By saying yes to everything, the Nice Guy piles on the obligations and deadlines to his already busy schedule. He ends up spreading himself so thin that he cant even fulfill the obligations he said yes to in the first place, which in a sadly funny, yet totally predictable turn of events causes people to resent Mr. Nice Guy- the very result Mr. Nice Guy was trying to avoid by saying yes in the first place!
A man firmly sets his core values, goals, and priorities, makes time to tend to them, and says no to things that conflict with whats important. He doesnt lose sight of the best, by pursuing the endless opportunities for the merely good.
What Nice Guys dont realize is that its possible to have this kind of backbone and be able to say no while maintaining positive relationships with others. In fact, its even possible to say no to people and leave them thinking youre a pretty swell guy.
If youve been having trouble saying no to people, weve provided some pointers on how to do it without coming off as a cad.
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Dont make the no personal. Instead of making it seem like youre saying no because you dont like the person, think their cause is crazy, or their parties are boring, just let them know youre simply following the rules. By this I mean that your pre-set personal rules prohibit you from saying yes.
- I cant come to the Polka Festival on Monday night because Monday night is always family night for us.
- I cant donate to your charity. Weve made a decision to set aside our charitable dollars for our church and the Red Cross.
- I appreciate the invite, but I dont date women with more than eleven cats.
Let them know you wish you could say yes. Letting someone know you sympathize with their request, but still cant grant it, will soften the blow of the no.
- I would have loved to hire you youve got just the right personality for the position. But HR has an internal candidate whom theyve already pegged for the job.
- It would have been a great honor to speak at your convention. Ive enjoyed attending it every year and have always been impressed with the presentations. But Ive just got too much on my plate at this time.
Show them that you thought it over before saying no. Feeling like youre getting the brush off can be just as hurtful as hearing no. Show the person that you took the time to understand their request before turning it down.
- This was a very entertaining screenplay. I really like how in the third scene the man-eating robot and the platypus become friends. But the studio is really concentrating on romantic comedies at this time.
August 31, 2010