Previously by Richard Daughty: False Hope in Financial Free Lunch
From the AP I read the astonishing item that “In a face-to-face encounter, President Barack Obama chastised Republican lawmakers Friday for opposing him on health care, economic stimulus and other major issues.” Hahahaha! This is too rich! Hahaha!
Composing myself for just a moment and taking a quick look to see if my zipper is up, I stand up and say, “Let me be the first to tell that arrogant commie bastard that Republican lawmakers are not the only ones opposing his arrogant, insane fiscal monstrosities, and I will be the first to say that I have nothing but Utter Mogambo Contempt (UMC) for anyone who is NOT opposed to such lunacies that are, already, budgeted to spend $3.8 trillion in the fiscal year when the Whole Freaking Economy (WFE) is only $14 trillion, and out of that, the Congressional monsters plan to deficit-spend $1.6 trillion in the year, which is So Much Money (SMM) that if your brain has not exploded at the sheer inflationary horror of increasing the money supply by $1.6 trillion in one year, then say “goodbye” to the last of your brain cells when I tell you that this whopping, gargantuan, insane $1.6 trillion of deficit spending is only the beginning!
I know, from long experience, that many of you ask, like this recent one from mom, “Do you know that you are the worst? Your writing stinks, your economics stink, I hate you and everything you do, and one can only wonder how it could get worse!” which leads me to the conclusion that many of you will write and ask, “How could it get worse than $1.6 trillion of deficit-spending, which means at least $1.6 trillion in new money created by the Federal Reserve, so that the federal government can spend $3.8 trillion, which is so much money that it is 27% of the whole freaking economy?”
“It’s easy!” I reply. Every year, the corrupt, slimy Congress, as is their habit of the last umpteen years, will pass a number of “emergency appropriations” throughout the year as they find that they are, as usual, “running a little short of cash,” and which usually totals almost $1.5 trillion more by themselves.
So we (meaning “me” and my invisible friends who are getting increasingly hostile about this fiscal and monetary insanity stuff and who are spending a lot of time telling me “Burn! Burn everything!”), are looking at, if the Federal Reserve creates the necessary money and credit, an almost-certain $3.1 trillion of new money added to an already-gargantuan money supply, all of it borrowed and spent in One Freaking Year (OFY)!!!!
As an astute Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR), you no doubt instantly noted the four — count ‘em, four! — exclamation points, indicating something that is extremely important or another typing error. Hurriedly calibrating your Junior Mogambo Decoder Rings (JMRDR), you quickly decipher the encoded message, which is that “New money added to an already-gargantuan money supply in one year punctuated by four exclamation points” translates to the worst of all worlds, which is “We’re freaking doomed!” or to just, “We’re doomed!” which is about as pithy as one can get, saving a lot of valuable reading time, which makes the Mogambo Decoder Ring such a terrific value.
But the results are the same, with or without a Mogambo Decoder Ring (MDR), which is good news because MDRs are of such shoddy construction and inferior materials that people are always wanting their money back, mostly because the ring broke right away, or it was missing a few pieces, or it had a “funny smell.”
I used to respond to irate customers with a formal reply that said, in a nice way, “Sorry, but all sales are final!” but that never stopped them from demanding their money back and being a pain in the butt.
So I started replying with, “Screw you!” which didn’t stop them either, and so I stopped even doing that. So screw ‘em!
And speaking of “screw ‘em,” the fiscal and monetary insanities of Obama and Bernanke means that you, me and everyone you know are one of “’em,” and the only hope you have is to buy gold and silver like some crazed zombie, which is the only thing that really worked in the last 4,500 years of one moron country after another borrowing itself into bankruptcy and what happened next (bad).
And also accumulate oil stocks and oil-related mutual funds, now that everyone is addicted to oil, which should be expected because oil packs so much chemical power per cubic centimeter. And right out of the ground, too, which mean you don’t even have to make it! It’s made (absent a little refining) when it pops up out of the ground and says, “Hello, boys!”
The astonishing versatility of all that energy wrapped up in all those carbon molecules and all those lovely single, double and (dare we hope?) triple bonds — oozing power from every pore! — has been adapted to so, so many things, from plastics to medicines to fertilizers to anything you can name.
Then with gold, silver and oil in hand while the government and the Federal Reserve are stepping on your neck, you can say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron’s, The Daily Reckoning, and other fine publications.