East Bound and Textin'

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Drivers of
commercial trucks and buses will be prohibited from texting under
federal guidelines that US Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood announced
Tuesday.

Now more than
ever we need a new revolutionary song to defend drivers’ freedom
behind the wheel. With apologies to Jerry Reed who wrote the classic
East
Bound and Down
featured in the 1977 hit movie Smokey
and the Bandit
starring Reed and Burt Reynolds, I've fashioned
a 2010 response to Leviathan's latest assault on freedom.

East bound
and down, loaded up and textin’
We gonna do what the feds say can’t be done
We’ve got a lot to write and a few keys to do it
I’m east bound just watch ol’ Texter run

Keep your fingers
on the phone…son, never mind them smokies
Let them characters fly cause I’m not in the pokey
Truckers can multi-task in Atlanta and there’s tickets to avoid
in Texarcana
And we’ll text safely no matter what it takes

East bound
and down, loaded up and textin’
A’we gonna do what the feds say can’t be done
We’ve got a lot to write and a few keys to do it
I’m east bound just watch ol’ Texter run

(banjo &
guitar solo accompanied by glowing cell phones)

East bound
and down, loaded up and textin’
A’we gonna do what the feds say can’t be done
We’ve got a lot to write and a few keys to do it
I’m east bound just watch ol’ Texter run

Old Smokey’s
got them eyes out, he’s hot on your trail
And he ain’t gonna rest ’till you’re in jail
So you gotta dodge him…. you gotta duck him
You’ve gotta keep on textin’
Don’t give in to Leviathan’s flexin’

East bound
and down, loaded up and textin’
A’we gonna do what the feds say can’t be done
We’ve got a lot to write and a few keys to do it
I’m east bound just watch ol’ Texter run

January
28, 2010

Aaron
David Ward [send him mail]
is a professional stand up comedian from upstate New York. Visit
his website.

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