The Thin Blue Line Frosts and Cracks Up

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In the 1987
movie The
Untouchables
, Sean Connery plays streetwise Chicago cop
Jim Malone who utters one of the more politically incorrect lines
in the film, "Isn’t that just like a wop? Brings a knife to
a gun fight."

The quote popped
into my head after reading a story reported by the BBC – which
provides better analysis of the state of American culture than many
American media outlets ever could or would – present
company
excluded.

According to
the BBC…Police in the US are investigating a detective who appears
to draw his gun during a mass snowball fight on the streets of Washington
DC.

The video appears
to show the detective holding a gun in his left hand as he begins
to approach a large group of people, which had gathered for the
snowball fight.

People in the
crowd can be heard saying “he has a gun."

Doesn't that
sound just like some cops? Bringing a gun to a snowball fight?

The thin blue
line seems to be rather jumpy these days. And the government from
which it extends seems equally so judging by the number of radio
ads for emergency planning I keep hearing.

90 percent
of communication is expressed through body language/actions so brandishing
a gun at a snowball fight leads me to believe some statists and
their hired guns are twitchy.

Perhaps the
police in Washington DC should requisition flame throwers since
fire beats ice if I remember a version of the childhood game rock-paper-scissors.

Pulling a gun
during a snowball fight is obvious overkill but what's more worrisome
is the mindset of the detective who presumably considered the snowball
fight threatening.

He and his
car, his personal property, were reportedly hit by snowballs but
to pull a gun in response seems nuts.

Besides I thought
more and more police departments were using "non-lethal"
means of dispersing crowds.

There's the
old classic stand by…"stop hitting me and my car with snowballs
otherwise you're going to jail."

Or, "the
next jackass who hits me with a snowball is going for a ride in
the paddy wagon."

Or just take
the snowball hurler to court and sue for damages.

After all if
you're in law enforcement, you must know some capable attorneys.

There has to
be some lawyer advertising on TV for the snowball fight victims.

Perhaps Washington
DC cops need to be issued winter protection like garbage can lids
for snowball shields.

Of all the
"crimes" with which cops must concern themselves, I find
it hard to believe snowball fights are anywhere near the top of
the list.

But every year,
it seems innocent childhood games are deemed dangerous to the general
public and banned.

A politician
is likely to propose a ban on snowball fights in order to "protect
the safety of the police and the general public."

It'll be the
Frosty The Snowman clause inserted into some Homeland Security bill
and no doubt it will ban children from using coal as Frosty's eyes
since coal is a "dirty" fossil fuel that contributes to
CO2 emissions and ultimately to global warming and/or climate change,
whatever catch-all phrase they're now using.

Only in a country
where every need and want can be fulfilled almost instantaneously
do we have such paranoia. When your creature comforts are met, you
have time to worry about things you should not worry about.

Perhaps that's
ultimately government's problem. What's that old expression? Idle
hands are the devil's tools.

December
22, 2009

Aaron
David Ward [send him mail]
is a professional stand up comedian from upstate New York. Visit
his website.

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