These hard
economic times have affected us all. That's why I decided now was
the time to make a career change. So I began applying for jobs that
may not have paid as well as previous jobs but rather were jobs
that I knew I would enjoy.

You can do
this in America, I thought to myself. Of all the countries I have
lived in, the U.S. is truly the land of opportunity. Especially
for a white male!

First stop:
Hooters. I'd always loved the atmosphere at Hooters. Men drinking
beer, eating chicken wings and watching sports. HooAaa! If I could
spend my days mingling with those guys I'd be a happy camper. Unfortunately
I was told that I have to be a woman to wait tables at Hooters.

Next stop:
Black Entertainment Television (BET). I always wanted to be on television.
Unfortunately, I was told that they limited the number of white
people appearing on BET.

Next stop:
the LPGA tour. I'd seen several women playing on the PGA tour so
certainly men could play on the women's tour. Unfortunately, I was
told that men are not permitted to compete on the LPGA tour.

Next stop:
a job at the V.A. but they gave it to a veteran

Next stop:
a job at Good Will Industries but they gave it to a handicapped
person.

Next stop:
a job at a Muslim mosque but I was told I'd have to convert to Islam.

Finally I realized
that I would only be able to make a career change if I were to do
it myself. To invest my own money and time and effort into starting
a new business. So I decided to invest my life's savings and open
up my own business: a Hebrew Fitness Center catering to the wealthy
Jewish retirees in south Florida. Certainly a very rich and untapped
market.

So I had to
hire fitness trainers.

First applicant
was a young Jewish white girl who unfortunately was grossly overweight.
Certainly not the image a fitness center wants to present. I had
to turn her down.

Second was
a young, white, Muslim fellow who informed me that if hired would
need to pray 5 times a day. Unfortunately, I felt that, that kind
of possible tension in my fitness center could be detrimental to
business. I had to turn him down.

Then
a handsome, fit, young black man who seemed perfect for the job
except he had no experience as a fitness trainer. I had to turn
him down.

In the end
I had to close my yet to open Jewish Fitness Center in order to
concentrate all my time and money on:

• The lawsuit
  brought by the overweight white girl for sexual discrimination
• The lawsuit
  brought by the Muslim man for religious discrimination
• The lawsuit
  brought by the black man with no experience for racial discrimination

Eventually,
all my savings were gone as was my home and I had to move into a
homeless shelter. Nonetheless, I realized that no matter how bad
things get, at least I can be thankful that I live in a country
where the government doesn't control your life!

January
8, 2009

Don Cooper
[send him mail] is an economist
living and working in Atlanta, Georgia.