Professor scanned the classroom. We didn't know his academic credentials
or even his name, but he taught the adult-education class in Detroit,
so we all called him The Professor.
The Great Economic Meltdown beginning in 2008? Who can describe
its causes?" he asked, peering pleasantly through thick, round
spectacles. Under different circumstances he might have even been
of the press," said an ambitious girl. "Uncontrolled,
sensationalist media panicked the bourgeois investors." The
Professor nodded approvingly, and off in a corner his note-taker
made a positive mark next to the student's name.
Internet," he shivered. "All chaos and pornography. No
control in those days. In late 2008, a radical Internet magazine
called Lew Rockwell-dot-com published a joke. It wrote that the
American Secretariat of Finance was cutting interest rates to zero,
so why not cut them more than zero — then government would pay people
to borrow. But the American government fell for the joke."
want to discuss Internet? Maybe, defend uncontrolled speech?"
he asked. We weren't that foolish. The line of guards watched us
Then we continue," said the Professor. "In 2009 America's
Minister of Money, a man named Mr. Paul Sen, ran out of ideas. He
borrowed until lenders called it quits. He printed billions of paper
dollars and issued more and more bonds that eventually nobody wanted.
His no-good money was too rough for toilet paper — that is my joke.
Then he misunderstood and cut interest rates below zero. Why?"
said a red-haired boy determined not to repeat his beating of last
said The Professor. "He had only two strategies. Either borrow
and spend or spend and borrow — that's another small joke of mine
but it will not be on the exam. The American Green-Buck Dollar was
so inflated that nobody wanted it. Then Mr Sen actually paid them
to borrow more and more. Not workers, he just paid rich people,
said paying people to borrow was cheaper than throwing money out
of helicopter owned by Chief Mandarin of the Federal Preserves System,
named Dr. Beani Burbanki. And, amazing thing, he was not joking,"
the teacher added.
asked a young woman, "the American bourgeoisie and their government
lived far beyond their means for decades, then they foolishly believed
they could borrow and spend their way out of it instead of saving
and creating sound money?" She was virtually guaranteed two
rations that night.
teacher nodded vigorously. "America not like China. America
had no savings and rotten money. Nonsensically, government kept
lowering interest rates which made saving and lending more and more
unattractive. They were cuckoo."
without their stupidity," she continued, "we would not
have had the economic meltdown that led to America's liberation
by Our Chinese Family, who owned most of the debt. We would not
have been rescued from ourselves."
Professor stared at her, silently wondering if she was sarcastic
or sincere. The room inhaled but eventually he broke into a broad
smile. "Comrade, come see me after class," he asked her.
Hegel's dialectic works in mysterious ways," the teacher continued.
"American-led crash toppled China's capitalist dictators, allowing
the National-Communists to regain control of China, then to liberate
America using own capitalist weapons."
this will be on Friday's quiz," he concluded. "Scores
of 90% or better get you two bowls of rice, both Saturday and Sunday
nights. Guards will see you back to your workstations. Please be
Reprinted from The DC
Examiner with permission.
[send him mail] is a communications
advisor based in London.