The Good News for the New Year Is as Follows

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Tony Blair is arrested at Heathrow Airport as he returns from yet
another foreign speaking engagement (receipts since leaving office:
£12m). He is flown to The Hague to stand trial for war crimes
for his part in the illegal, unprovoked attack on a defenseless
country, Iraq, justified by proven lies — and for the subsequent
physical, social and cultural destruction of that country, causing
the death of up to a million people. According to the Nuremberg
Tribunal, this is the "paramount war crime." The prosecution
tells Blair’s defense team it will not accept a plea of "sincerely
believing." Cherie Blair, a close collaborator who has compared
her husband with Winston Churchill, is cautioned.

Following the inauguration of Barack Obama as president of the United
States, his predecessor, George W. Bush, is arrested leaving the
Church of the Holy Crusader in his home town of Crawford, Texas.
He is flown to The Hague in War Criminal One. (See above for prosecution
details.) Laura Bush, after a plea bargain, agrees to give evidence
against the former president, "for God’s sake."

Former vice-president Dick Cheney shoots himself in the foot hunting
squirrels following a prayer breakfast in Hope, Florida.

Aung San Suu Kyi is released from house arrest and assumes her rightful
place as the democratic head of the government of Burma.

All American and British troops leave Iraq, including the "300—400"
British troops who are to stay behind to "train Iraqis"
and do the kind of special forces dirty work almost never reported
by embedded journalists.

All NATO troops leave Afghanistan.

The British government calls a halt to selling arms and military
equipment to ten out of 14 conflict-hit countries in Africa. The
chairman of the arms company BAE Systems is arrested by the Serious
Fraud Office.

The British Department for International Development ends its support
for privatization as a condition of aid to the poorest countries.

Sir Bob Geldof and Bono visit Tony Blair in prison, suggesting a
worldwide Crime Aid gig to raise money for their hero’s defense.

The Booker prizewinner Anne Enright apologizes to Gerry and Kate
McCann, parents of the missing child Madeleine McCann, for speculating
in the London Review of Books about the possible involvement
of the McCanns in the disappearance of their daughter.

Gordon Brown is kidnapped, hooded and forced to listen repeatedly
to his 2007 speech to bankers at a Mansion House banquet: "What
you as the City of London have achieved for financial services,
we as a government now aspire to achieve for the whole economy."

Tony Blair is sentenced to life imprisonment and beatified by the

If you think
none of this will happen, you are probably right. But beware 2010
. . .

23, 2008

was born and educated in Sydney, Australia. He has been
a war correspondent, filmmaker and playwright. Based in London,
he has written from many countries and has twice won British journalism’s
highest award, that of "Journalist of the Year," for his
work in Vietnam and Cambodia. His new book, Tell
Me No Lies: Investigative Journalism and Its Triumphs
, is
published by Jonathan Cape in June.

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