Novus Ordo Seclorum

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Behold the grand and glorious morning after Amerika elected its first black president (apologies to Bill Clinton)! Peace on earth, Goodwill to men (and women, too, since we’ll all be shopping there once Our New Master adds his two cents to the nationalized economy), beatific smiles, brotherhood (or at least affirmative action), and sanctimonious stealing — sorry, "restoring fairness to the tax code." (Ahem. Did I miss something? When was theft ever fair?)

Surprisingly, the sun still rose in the east at the dawning of this new age; even more surprisingly, it rose on a cloudy day here in New York City. Nature appears unimpressed with our "transformational presidency." Stumbling out of bed, I discovered that the water flushing from the toilet still swirls counterclockwise, a pot of water still takes about 10 minutes to boil, and tea gulped before it cools still scalds. Seems the laws of physics continue functioning even if that relic from our "tragic history…of u2018white supremacy’," the Constitution, doesn’t. Alas, the dishwasher remains broken despite "this stunning, whopping landslide of hope"; it did not heal itself overnight in miraculous, mechanical celebration of the approaching Millennium. And oatmeal still makes an unholy mess of the microwave if nuked too long.

Perhaps Our New Master will outlaw such annoyances after he’s fed the multitudes and walked across the Great Salt Lake. Except he’s already cautioning, "…we know that government can’t solve every problem…" We do? Well, yes, actually, we do, but he doesn’t. The website for the Obama-Biden Campaign features no less than 30 "Issues" (24 areas such as "Healthcare" and "Technology" as well as 6 "Additional" ones) in which Our New Masters clearly announce their plans to meddle; only God knows how many unenumerated powers they presume. You won’t escape their heavy hand whether you live in a "Rural" or "Urban" neighborhood, whether you’re a "Veteran," "Woman," or "Disabled," whether you’re already living in "Poverty" or still clutching enough fiat dollars to be "Taxed" into it. Neither your "Faith" nor your "Family" are safe from these busybodies. And yep, they want your leisure, too: it’s not enough that you toil from January till the end of April for the bloated beast in DC, you ought to be "serving" as well. Per Obama’s diktat on Election Night, we must "summon a new spirit of patriotism, of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder." Right. We weren’t working hard enough on the Federal pyramids before — now we’ll gather straw for the bricks, too.

If Obama had any brains or decency, he’d run screaming from the electorate’s racist hyperbole and hysteria. It’s disguised as adulation, of course, which is certainly better than the obverse of the bigot’s coin. But it’s rankest racism all the same. Obama’s fans insist one after another that it’s immaterial which black guy is president (within reason, naturally: he must be a socialist); all that matters is the color of his skin. MSNBC quoted Pauline Veasy of Milwaukee ("I’m just so happy!" she said "An African-American? It’s just really, really great!"), Ellora Lyons of Peoria, IL ("I never thought that I would see a black man [in the White House], but I was hoping that one day that a black man would run for president"), Leon Modeste of Albany, GA ("Never in my wildest dream did I think that an African-American would even be considered, let alone get this close to the presidency"), and Georgia’s always-Rep[ulsive] Democrat, John Lewis ("I never imagined, I never even had any idea I would live to see an African-American president of the United States"). Further proving the absolute stupidity and schizophrenia of popular culture, MSNBC concluded with this asininity from Prof. Russell Adams of Howard University: "[Obama's election] is the triumph of content and character over race." Yeah, and O.J. was innocent.

According to the Marxist mush enslaving America, I can’t understand black folks because I’m white. But that same balderdash says I do understand oppression because I’m a woman. Let me tell you, this little woman was terrified at the possibility of Hillary Clinton’s capturing the Democratic nomination for Thief-in-Chief earlier this year. I wiped as many tears from my eyes as Jesse Jackson did from his, but they were sobs of fury and frustration rather than joy that another member of my group might tyrannize the country.

I had a second shot at collectivist ecstasy when McManiac plucked Sarah Palin from a moose-hunt to run as VP. But all I felt were the aforementioned fury and frustration that yet another statist — and an especially stupid, hypocritical, ignorant one at that — might soon stomp our vanishing freedom into oblivion. I couldn’t have cared less about her anatomy or her color: all I wanted to know was whether she’d suggest opening our snail-mail as well as our email and her opinion on expanding the use of torture from "terrorists" to voters who don’t pull the right lever. A trip to the McCain-Palin website, where the duo trumpeted their authoritarianism, nigh felled me; it boggles the mind that anyone of any color could cheer a totalitarian threatening to control us as thoroughly as does Obama. And yet there go the mindless millions pleading, "Oh, please, Master, more and tighter chains!"

No wonder Obama congratulated himself when the election was called in his favor: "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."

Indeed.

Becky Akers [send her mail] writes primarily about the American Revolution.

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