I knew I wasn't getting the full story from the liberal/corporate/fascist (take your pick) press.
We're obviously experiencing a transition to a new era, something even bigger than a New World Order, and all the media could talk about were boring things like "subprime mortgages," "derivatives," "swap agreements," "forward rate agreements," "Turbo warrants," and "the undertaker" (Ayn Rand's amazingly apropos reference, I gathered, to Alan Greenspan). I never got beyond "subprime mortgages," which I figured out were temporary house leases for Barney Frank's constituency. But I knew there had to be a better explanation, one I could understand.
Then a friend sent me Daily Astrology & Adventure for September 26, and it all made sense. Well, sort of.
I did realize that this is what John McCain should have told President Bush and Senator Obama and all assembled at that emergency White House conference on the bailout:
“My friends:
“Two words. Just two words: Mercury retrograde!
“That’s why we cannot go through with this bailout. At least not at this time.
“You see, the planets are in Mercury retrograde, and anyone with a shred of scientific astrological experience with Mercury retrograde knows that, at the least, things you do under this influence generally don’t quite work out as planned. In fact, most astrologers would advise you to hold off buying a clock radio, much less investing in nearly a trillion dollars worth of bad mortgages and other rotten debt from some of the world’s most irresponsible companies….”
With that, he probably would have been sued for plagiarism by the person who writes that daily PlanetWaves.net column, but I’m sure he also would have got the entire bailout matter shelved. And then he could have traveled to Mississippi as the war hero who also saved America from a horrendous Mercury retrograde deal.
And, given how many secret astrologers there are in the U.S., he would be a shoo-in in November.
Only one thing bothers me: There’s something even scarier coming up in a couple of weeks.
“Because a Mercury retrograde was involved in both the meltdown and the ongoing attempted rescue plan," I am told by Daily Astrology & Adventure, "we will know more – a lot more, but obviously not everything – when Mercury stations direct on Oct. 15, or perhaps a day before. That’s when we will experience an Aries Full Moon conjunct [with?] the new planet Eris – the goddess of chaos, among other things.”
Ohmigosh, does that mean the goddess of chaos will be unleashed on October 15 – am I reading that right?
Could Sarah Palin be Eris the goddess of chaos?
Where, oh where, is Nancy Reagan when I need her to explain this to me!
September 27, 2008
