Jihad Ju-Jitsu

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Meanwhile,
down at the local al Qaeda sleeper cell headquarters in Washington,
DC…

"Hey,
Mohammed! Check
this out.
"

"What
is it, Abdul?"

"It's
a report on CNN.com. It says, u2018Al Qaeda is the strongest it has
been since the aftermath of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks,
a new U.S. government analysis concludes, according to a senior
government official who has seen it.' What do you think about that?
Do you think it's right?"

"Of course,
it's right, Abdul. Brother Osama foresaw it all and wrote it right
here in his book."

"What
book is that, Mohammed? I didn't know Brother Osama wrote a book."

"Abdul,
where have you been? You've been spending too much time out clubbing
with the heathen infidels. It's all laid out right here."

Mohammed tosses
the book to Abdul.

Abdul reads,
“u2018Jihad Ju-Jitsu: Yanking the Yankees' Cranks for Fun and Profit.'
Wow!"

"Yes,
Abdul. u2018Jihad Ju-Jitsu.' It's all right there. Brother Osama said
all this would come to pass. He said that if we invested $500,000
and the lives of 19 or 20 jihadi wanna-bes, attacking the twin phallic
symbols in New York and the 5-sided glory hole in Arlington, Virginia,
we could bring the Yankee Empire to its knees. And he was right,
Abdul. He was right!"

"That's
right, Mohammed! Now I remember. Mohammed Atta and those other guys
were wash-outs from the Jihadi Academy. What a bunch of losers."

"Of course,
Abdul. Brother Osama would never have sacrificed the lives of true
jihadis. 72 virgins? Ha! Do you believe that? Only Atta and his
gang would ever fall for that. A true jihadi would have wanted 72
experienced women and a camel or a few goats for some variety."

"But,
Mohammed, how did he know the Yankees would react like they did?"

"Simple,
Abdul. Once that upper-class twit, George Bush, was elected along
with Dick Cheney and his coterie of neocon Zionist advisers, Brother
Osama knew what would happen. Don't forget that Brother Osama's
father and Bush's father had been doing business for many years."

"That
is amazing, Mohammed."

"Yes it
is, Abdul. The Americans have spent over a trillion dollars, that
they have borrowed from the Chinese, and lost thousands of American
soldiers in the process of losing three wars — Afghanistan, Iraq,
and their (ha-ha) Global War on Terrorism! They've bankrupted themselves"

"OK, Mohammed,
I get all that. I can understand why they came after us in Afghanistan.
But why Iraq?"

"Because,
Abdul, the Iraqis tried to kill Bush's daddy"

"But they
didn't do that. We did."

"Exactly!
We pretended to try to assassinate Bush's daddy and then hung the
whole thing on that stupid heathen infidel, Saddam Hussein! Then,
when Bush was elected, Brother Osama knew what would happen.

"And the
best part of it is, we don't have to do anything. We just make a
threat here and there and throw the Yankees a bone like that idiot
Richard Reid trying to light his shoes or that group of losers in
Miami who couldn't even afford to buy shoes. Ha-ha-ha"

"And the
Yankee Government and their media do the rest."

"By George,
I think he's got it! It is so easy to frighten the American people."

"I really
need to get this book and read it, Mohammed. Where can I get it?"

"Abdul,
just go to Euphrates.com and order it. It's $29.95 and shipping
is free!"

"Thanks,
Mohammed! This sleeper cell duty is really sweet, isn't it?"

"You've
got that right, Abdul. We get to act like heathen infidels, drinking,
smoking, clubbing, and all for the sake of jihad. Ha — ha — ha!

"Allah-u-Akhbar!"

July
13, 2007

George
Gould [send him mail] is
a retired Imperial Storm Trooper and 2nd place finisher in the Southeast
Asia War Games.  He writes from Valrico, Florida and Falls
Church, Virginia.

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