This morning (July 9), as I made my daily trek through the websites of news and punditry, I came across two diametrically opposed pieces of news.
In the Tampa Tribune, this:
“The leader of an al-Qaida umbrella group in Iraq threatened to wage war against Iran unless it stops supporting Shiites in Iraq within two months, according to an audiotape released Sunday.”
Then Neal Boortz, ersatz libertarian and warmonger extraordinaire prints this:
“Western intelligence is confirming it … the mullahs of Iran are, indeed, linked to al Queda. Iran is being used as a base for terrorists. These terrorists then go into Iraq and kill Iraqis and Americans, with the explicit intention of undermining progress in Iraq.”
Hmm… Now this is interesting.
Al Qaeda threatens Iran. Iran supports al Qaeda. What’s going on here?
What are we to do?
We want to attack Iran. Al Qaeda wants to attack Iran. Does that make us allies?
On the other hand, Al Qaeda are the terrorists and you’re either with us or with the terrorists. Does that make Iran our ally?
And if Iran is our ally, why are they supporting the terrorists?
This is maddening!
“Get your scorecard here! Can’t tell the players without a scorecard!”
I’ve always thought that our government and the neocons were lying to us about the Global War on Terrorism and the illegal invasion of Iraq. I no longer think so. Now I am convinced that Bush, Cheney, the Pentagon, the CIA and the neocons are totally, irrevocably, hilariously CLUELESS! They have absolutely no idea what is going on in the Middle East.
They have 150,000 American soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines sitting in the middle of a goat rope. What’s next? Circular firing squads?
It’s not easy being an Empire!
The only people who seem to have any idea of what’s going on over there are Osama bin Laden, Aymon al-Zawahiri, and al Qaeda. It’s for certain no one on our side does.
I think I see a way out of this.
Winston Churchill once remarked that God takes care of drunks and the United States of America and maybe that is the case once again.
Here’s my proposal:
When you don’t have the expertise in house for a job, it is a common business practice to outsource that function.
Whereas we obviously have no expertise in running the affairs of the Middle East and
Whereas al Qaeda does possess that expertise,
I propose that George Bush:
- Grant a general amnesty to Osama bin Laden, Aymon al-Zawahiri and al Qaeda (Bush should be good at this what with Scooter Libby and 20 million illegal aliens).
- Withdraw all American presence from the Middle East.
- Contract with al Qaeda to represent us and manage our affairs in the Middle East, i.e., keep the oil flowing (if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em).
This is a win-win proposal.
Al Qaeda gets what they want, i.e., us out of the Middle East.
We get what we really want, i.e., us out of the Middle East, a free flow of oil, containment of Iran (when they’re up to their butts in al Qaeda terrorists, they’ll have a heck of a time trying to develop nuclear weapons), and no threats of attacks on the U.S.
This will give us the time to rebuild and refurbish our military for the next Cold War – with China. After all, the Arabs were just a placeholder, after the fall of the Soviet Union, until the Chinese could get strong enough to present a credible threat. Then we can get into some serious defense spending with some really, big-ticket items.
And after all, isn’t that what we really want – profits for the military-industrial complex. It’s the American Way!
July 12, 2007
