6/27/07 WASHINGTON DC – The Bush administration began a rollout of a new program for soldiers who have just completed their basic training and await deployment to Iraq – they will spend at least a month with “host families” around the country. The program, which was co-sponsored by Christopher Dodd (D-CT), promises to bring a new level of connectedness between the civilian and military populations. “I am very pleased with the way it all worked out” said Dodd in his office on Tuesday morning. “For a long time, I have advocated mandatory community service for all Americans. The host family program will make great strides towards that goal.”
With an increasingly unpopular war on their hands, the Bush administration says this is the first of many initiatives to come to remind the American people of the necessity of their commitment to the Global Struggle against Violent Extremism. Introducing the program in a press conference, White House press secretary Tony Snow said, “Many have criticized the way this war has been prosecuted, saying that Americans haven’t sacrificed enough to understand that we are truly in the defining struggle of our time. We believe that a military presence in their own neighborhoods will remind civilians that when they oppose the war, they oppose the young men and women who will be boarding with them.”
Some critics of the new initiative criticize it as a violation of the third amendment, but these concerns were brushed off as the fears of “nervous nellies” by Vice President Dick Cheney. “From day one, this administration has believed in the vigorous exercise of Executive power” said Cheney. “Any discussions of ‘No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law’ show a naïve, pre-9/11 mindset. Anyways, these soldiers aren’t being quartered, they are being hosted. It’s clearly in concord with the language of the amendment.”
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales could not be reached for comment, but his office issued a brief statement. “We have taken steps to update the First, Second, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, and Tenth Amendments so that they are workable in this post-9/11 world, and we are very excited to get a chance to take a crack at the Third.”
The sole objector in a voice vote on the bill, which was named the “We Love Our Troops Act," was Representative Ron Paul (R-TX). His home was picked as one of the first to enjoy the new privilege of opening its doors to the troops.
Disclaimer: This is satire. But based on Dick Cheney's recent claim that he's not part of the executive branch… who knows what fun headlines lie in wait!
June 28, 2007
