New York's Finest

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Michael Bloomberg,
Mayor

Raymond W.
Kelly, Police Commissioner

City of New
York

Dear Mike and
Ray,

I just want
to congratulate you both for the fine way your troops handled those
pesky women demonstrators at the U.S. U.N. Mission last Monday,
March 6. They aren't known as "New York's finest" for
nothing. Having the best wife-beaters on the force brutalize Cindy
Sheehan and those other three unarmed peace protestors should show
them and everybody else who's in charge here. Anybody who thinks
they have rights of free speech or freedom of assembly in the greatest
city in the world will think twice now. Ever since the Supreme Court
appointed George Bush the POTUS, some people have been getting pretty
mouthy about living in a "free country". They need to
know that those days are over for good. We're in charge now — us
PATRIOTS.

I know you
won't admit it, but it was really clever of you to take the advice
of that John Bolton guy and teach those hags a lesson they won't
soon forget. I mean, let's face it, he may look like a walrus with
a bad toupee, but he knows something about brutalizing women and
how to get away with it. They never nailed him before he got the
U.N. ambassadorship and he's on top of the diplo heap now. Sheehan's
concussion, wrenched back and sprained right hand will make it clear
to her that merely curling up in a fetal position is not going to
stop the lesson. Next time, she thinks you'll kill her. Be sure
to do it so it's not as obvious as last week's beating — and keep
the press and those damn peace rag photogs out of sight.

If Ray plays
his cards right, King George might just appoint him to take over
Homeland Security soon. (No immigrant skeletons in your closet I
hope, Ray?) Things are getting pretty hot with the FEMA Gulf Coast
disaster looking worse and worse and that Michael Jerkoff can't
last much longer. The Bushies will be tossing him out the back of
the sled pretty soon. And, Mike, I'm sure there's something in it
for you. After all, George prizes loyalty to him over everything
else — and especially now that he has the Patriot Act to keep track
of everybody that the NSA can't tap. Just keep praising the numbwit;
he'll lap it up. But, be careful, please. Sheehan's been a thorn
in George's side since last August and I bet he's already called
to thank you for taking care of her so good. Just don't remind him
that you made a lot of money in business before you got into the
government racket without Daddy's help.

Yours for a
New American Century (kudo to Bolton there; be sure to show him
this letter, I gotta eat too),

Sam

March
13, 2006

Samuel Bostaph [send him
mail
] is head of the economics department at the University
of Dallas.

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