George in Georgia

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So, while the barn is burning down at home, George is off running around the world with the jet-setters again. It’s actually good for the folks back home to see their president doing something that really has nothing to do with them. I think it’s great when George is not in Washington. At least that way, he can’t screw things up any more than usual. I see where Japan has had more than its fair share of buffoons too.

A while back, Japan had a Prime Minister named Yoshiro Mori. Even though he was most probably the most incompetent leader this country has ever had, he was better than Bush — at least Mori never started a war. And Mori’s comedy value was quite great. I actually looked forward to the news just to see just how far into the depths of stupidity this guy could go. He never ceased to satisfy.

One time, when an American submarine rammed a Japanese fishing ship off the shores of Hawaii and the ship was sinking, Mori was out golfing with his friends — They were gambling. When the news came that dozens of Japanese high school kids had drowned, Mori was alerted on the golf course. What to do? Well, what would any thinking person do? They’d stop the golf game and head back to the Prime Ministers residence and at least act like they were watching the situation. Mori? Nah. He was losing the golf bet, so they decided to continue the game in the vain hope that he could catch up somehow and win.

When this little tidbit of news leaked out, the public out-roar was tremendous. Mori — as Mori was wont to do — would only make matters worse by saying stupid things like, "I had to stay out on the golf course. I was afraid that if I stopped golfing, my cell-phone wouldn’t ring!" Guffaw! Hey, I told you this guy was funny, right?

Then when it was pointed out that cell-phones have no problems in cars, and that they only have problems with reception in or under big buildings, he used that as an excuse to mention that he was afraid to return to the PM’s office as his phone might ring. Duh! Is this guy a barrel of laughs or what?

Finally he was cleverly able to deflect criticism off of his actions — or lack thereof — and onto the game of Golf itself. To which he staunchly defended. "Golf, is not a game. It’s a sport. A sport to which I use to keep myself in shape for the rigors of being the Prime Minister." Never mind the fact that he was a fat slob.

The last little nugget — and like I said there were hundreds, was, "Japan is God’s nation and the Emperor is the divine God descended from the heaven."

Well, at least Japan is not nearly as nutty as the United States is and when a politician says something stupid like this, he’ll get roasted over hot coals. Mori did, and the talk soon began about how long he could last as Prime Minister.

Well, with his domestic agenda (if he ever really had one) in tatters and his political life soon coming to an end, Mori did what all politicians do: They take vacations around the world and make useless speeches to the Aborigines. Mori was at least honest about it though. He said, "I travel outside of Japan because at least when I go to another country, I’m at least treated with the dignity that the post of Prime Minister of Japan deserves."

Now, with his own domestic program (if he ever had one) in tatters, and the noose of Iraq tightening around his and Blair’s neck (American soldier deaths back up to averaging 2.5 a day), as well as the US economy tanking, Bush is off to Georgia and Timbuktu speaking to the natives (perhaps he is trying to set up his own Amway network in the future too — Just like his old man).

I do hope he has a good time while he is away. Because he has one hell-of-a hang-over to try to deal with when he gets back. Not to worry though, when the ship is sinking and his head is pounding and the pressure is on, he can always go golfing… It’s good for your health, you know — especially in God’s country.

Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers [send him mail] was born and raised in the USA and moved to Japan in 1984. He has worked as an independent writer, producer, and personality in the mass media for nearly 30 years.

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