Somewhere Over the Rainbow

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Three cheers for our Great Leader Bush! He has been redeemed! Iraq is free! Killing those Iraqi’s and their children as well as sacrificing your fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters was worth it! Hooray!

The evil dictator Saddam Hussein was captured and his evil sons are dead! Hooray!

Ding Dong! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.
Wake up — sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead. She’s gone where the goblins go,
Below — below — below. Yo-ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!

There are no WMD’s in Iraq anymore! We have made absolutely sure of that! Iraq is no longer a threat to our safety! Hooray!

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There’s a place that I heard of
Once in a lullabye

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dream that you dare to dream
Really does come true

One day I wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far
behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Way upon the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?

And our glorious National Guard are over there protecting American freedom in foreign countries!

Things are going so well in Iraq we are now deploying mostly women! Hooray!

Come out, come out, wherever you are and meet the young lady,
who fell from a star.
She fell from the sky, she fell very far and Kansas, she says,
is the name of the star.
Kansas, she says, is the name of the star.
She brings you good news. Or haven’t you heard?
When she fell out of Kansas

And things in Iraq are getting better so our Glorious Crusaders get to stay in Iraq longer!

In fact, Bush will just let them stay! They even get to construct their own tin man plating! Hooray!

And a couple of tra-la-las
That’s how we laugh the day away
In the Merry Old Land of Oz

Chirp, chirp, chirp
And a couple of La-di-das.
That’s how the crickets crick all day
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.
We get up at twelve and start to work at one,
Take an hour for lunch, and then at two we’re done,
Jolly good fun.

And a couple of tra-la-las,
That’s how we laugh the day away,
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.

Pat, pat here,
Pat, pat there,
And a couple of brand new straws.
That’s how we keep you young and fair
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.

Rub, rub here,
Rub, rub there,
And whether you’re tin or brahz
That’s how we keep you in repair
In the Merry Old Land of Oz.

Ha! Ha! Ha!
That’s how we laugh the day away
In the Merry Old Land of Oz
And a ha-ha-ha
In the Merry Old Land of Oz
Ha-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho —

Our glorious leaders for freedom have declared that they have broken the back of the Iraqi insurgency! Hooray!

You’re out of the woods
You’re out of the dark
You’re out of the night
Step into the sun

Step into the light
Keep straight ahead for
The most glor …… ious place
On the face
Of the earth or the sky

Hold onto your breath
Hold onto your heart
Hold onto your hope
March up to the gate
And bid it open —

And a former Saddam Hussein loyalist, Iyad Allawi, is the President! And he is helping us to fight the terrorists in Iraq! Hooray!

We represent the Lullaby League, The Lullaby League, The Lullaby League
And in the name of the Lullaby League,
We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland
We represent the Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild
And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,
We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland.
We welcome you to Munchkinland
Tra la la la la la la
From now on you’ll be history.
You’ll be hist …
You’ll be history.
And we will glorify your name.
You will be a bust
Be a bust …
In the Hall of Fame!
Tra-la-la-la-la, Tra-la-la, Tra-la-la-la

And our genius military leaders and mass media have proclaimed that Iraq is not like Vietnam! And next we will make those Syrians free! And then the Iranians! Freedom for everyone! Hooray!

If I were King of the Forest,
Not Queen, not Duke, not Prince.
My regal robes of the forest
Would be satin, not cotton, not chintz.
I’d command each thing, be it fish or fowl,
With a woof and a woof, and a royal growl — woof.
As I’d click my heel,
All the trees would kneel
And the mountains bow,
And the bulls kowtow,
And the sparrow would take wing
u2018F — I … u2018f … I … were King.

Each rabbit would show respect to me.
The chipmunks genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash,
I would show compash
For every underling,
u2018F — I … u2018f … I … were King —
Just King.

And the Great Leader George Bush cannot recall making any mistakes and will get to be your president for four more years! Hooray!

I could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head, I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain.

I’d unravel ev’ry riddle
For any individ’le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a brain.

Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean’s near the shore,
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I’d sit and think some more.

I would not be just a nuffin’
My head all full of stuffin’
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain — Whoa!

And thanks to the deaths and sacrifices of our American heroes fighting for American freedom in another land, the Iraqis will have elections and they are on the road to democracy! Hooray!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
Follow the Yellow Brick Road. Follow the Yellow Brick Road.
We’re off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You’ll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one becoz,
Becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz, becoz.
Becoz of the wonderful things he does.

And the “head of the snake,” (the new bad guy added to the up-dated script) Zarqawi is about to be captured! Hooray!

Who’s that hiding
In the tree top?
It’s that rascal
The Jitter Bug

Should you catch him
Buzzin’ round you,
Just look out for
The Jitter Bug

Oh, the bees in the breeze
And the bats in the trees
Have a terrible, horrible buzz
But the bees in the breeze
And the bats in the trees
Couldn’t do what the Jitter Bug does.

So be careful
Of that rascal
Keep away from
The Jitter Bug

Well, what a wonderful ending to a real-life fairy tale. But wait! Haven’t we forgotten someone? Yes, we have! Our husbands and wives, mothers and fathers; sons and daughters in Iraq! Since this wonderful fairy tale has gone just like President Bush has said it would — If you are in Iraq and you want to go home, all you have to do is to close your eyes, put your hands together, click your heels twice, and say over and over:

"There’s no place like home,
"There’s no place like home,
"There’s no place like home,
"There’s no place like home…"

*All lyrics from the 1939 classic "Wizard of Oz" featuring Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr, Jack Haley.

*Original story written by L. Frank Baum (just about 100 years ago).

Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers [send him mail] was born and raised in the USA and moved to Japan in 1984. He has worked as an independent writer, producer, and personality in the mass media for nearly 30 years.

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