Homeschool or Die!

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“An Iraqi man with suspected links to terrorism had
a computer disk containing crisis planning information for San Diego
and other school districts when he was arrested by U.S. authorities
in Iraq, 10News reported. The man’s intentions were not known, and
there was no indication that schools in San Diego or any other district
were targets for terrorism, according to San Diego law enforcement
officials …

clear message is that your children are safe and our schools are
very well prepared, as well as our school district,’ San Diego School
District Police Chief Don Braun said.”

can only assume that this police chief was educated in the San Diego
public schools himself. To conclude that the clear message of this
news is that the children of the San Diego public schools are safe
brings to mind the thought that you’ll probably be able to score
some excellent ganja in the San Diego School District as long as
this cretin is in command.

some might say that this headline is a little … exaggerated. And
perhaps it’s not entirely fair to scare parents into pulling their
kids right out of the public schools, as it seems unlikely that
Islamic terrorists will be able to commit massacres at more than
two or three schools, probably five at most. Then again, if one
considers how TV shows such as “Law and Order” see fit to preach
that homeschooled children are malnourished and abused little freaks,
it seems only reasonable to point out in like manner that public
schooled children are brainwashed, quasi-illiterate savages, with
targets painted on their chests to boot.

fact, when one considers the Breslan massacre, the two Israeli children
murdered in Sderot and the 35 Iraqi children killed in South Baghdad
last week, the sad fact is that my sensationalistic characterization
is likely more accurate. The terrorists have raised the stakes once
again, targeting children to demonstrate how much they envy our
freedom or whatever highly implausible motivation the Bush administration
is imputing to the enemy today. I have to confess I haven’t been
keeping up with the president’s tiptoeing around the strange and
surely coincidental number of co-religionists of Peace who have
unaccountably devoted themselves to murdering children.

disturbingly familiar element to this story is the assertion that
parents need not trouble their pretty little heads about Islamic
terrorists bent on recreating Breslan in the suburbs.

arrest was reported to the San Diego FBI office and the San Diego
Unified School District last week. Parents and schools were not
informed because it was determined there was not a threat.

never quite been able to wrap my mind around the notion that parents
should not be notified that their children are being taught how
to perform oral sex or are seeking to kill off the next generation.
But the San Diego Unified School District has lowered the concept
of in loco parentis insciens to new depths. I mean, you’d
think that even the worst and most indifferent parent in the nation
might like to know if his child is being targeted by suicide bombers,
if only to take out an insurance policy.

just curious to know what the FBI has concluded that an Iraqi man
was doing with the information in the first place, given that it
is so sure that the thought of attacking a school had not even begun
to consider the merest possibility of thinking about the prospect
of crossing the man’s mind. Perhaps it was an innocent coincidence,
the gentleman simply happens to be in charge of crisis planning
for the local madrassah and only wanted to be sure that its emergency
plans were up to date and in line with those belonging to schools
run by the Great Satan.

any event, if advanced academic achievement and avoiding social
Darwinist socialization isn’t enough for you to keep your child
off the Yellow Bus of Doom, perhaps the idea of massacre avoidance
will hold some appeal. Or perhaps not. After all, it’s surely safe
to assume that it can’t possibly happen here.

6, 2004

Day [send him mail]
is syndicated nationally by Universal Press Syndicate. Visit his
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