Navy Calls Up Retired Village People!

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In a surprise move, President Bush announced today that for the first time in more than three decades, Casablanca Records is forcing the former members of the Disco group, The Village People, back into service in order to convince thousands of new recruits into uniform, a reflection of the strain on the service of long campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan and slumping record sales.

The recent re-call of retired military personnel has brought much criticism towards the Bush administration as to unfair treatment of U.S. formerly retired and discharged personnel. This move is being made to counter those charges.

“We want you! We want you! We want you for a new recruit!”

U.S. Navy officials, along with spokesmen of the YMCA, said that the former Disco kings, “… still have skills in military policing, engineering, ‘rustling up desperados,’ native languages, motor transportation and ‘shaking their booty.'”

The boys have all expressed a desire to be new recruits in the National Guard and Reserve units starting in July with a record release and world tour later this year. Many of them as well as other new recruits will find themselves in Iraq by the end of the year for a possible concert tour in Baghdad, Tikrit, Ramallah, and Fallujah (with possible dates in Iran and Saudi Arabia) — tickets to go on sale at a later date.

Not to be outdone, Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, has unveiled Japan’s own version of a promotional campaign aimed at the younger Japanese crowd that mixes all the excitement of seeing the world in the Navy as well as today’s hottest Hip Hop Music and dance fashions.

Wow! They’ve even made a hot-hot-hot promotion video that you have just gotta see!

Since Japan has strict laws against promoting joining the military by use of the mass media, the government decided to hold a ‘Navy and dance’ promotional event free to the public. Some of Japans top pop idols as well as real men in the military are expected to join in the festivities.

Since the Japanese Self-Defense Force is not allowed by law to advertise on television or radio, they decided to rent space on some of Tokyo’s huge giant screen TV’s to promote the dance event.

Some requirements to joining the Japanese Maritime Self-Defense Force shown in the video are:

  1. Desire to serve your country
  2. Love of the oceans
  3. Desire to spread peace
  4. Some knowledge of dance music and an ability to break dance is desirable — but not necessary (will train.)

Both the U.S. Army and Navy are so stretched for real manpower that in April it broke a promise to some active-duty units, including the 1st Armored Division, 2nd Marines, as well as the Back-Street Boys, that they would not have to serve more than 12 months.

It also has extended the tours of other units, including some in Afghanistan and Aerosmith engagements at the Starlight-Ball Lounge rooms at various Holiday Inns all around the world.

It is also rumored that Bush administration officials are considering tapping into reserves of formerly famous actors and actresses in uniform from Hollywood Block-Buster classics such as “Operation Pacific,” “The Battle of the Bulge,” “To Hell and Back” — and even the World War One classic starring Errol Flynn, “Dawn Patrol,” in an effort to remind the public of just how fun and romantic it can be to wear a uniform.

This reporter attempted to reach a spokesman for the Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts of America, and the Screen Actors Guild for comment on the Bush Administrations military call-up of retired members but was unable to receive any comment besides:

“War is hell.”

~ Special thanks to Jeffrey Mansour, Chief Petty Officer and Dance Choreographer on the U.S.S. Flint Michigan.

Mike (in Tokyo) Rogers [send him mail] was born and raised in the USA and moved to Japan in 1984. He has worked as an independent writer, producer, and personality in the mass media for nearly 30 years.

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